Aicook Professional 1200-Watt 9-Speed Blender with Touch Screen

  • A suitable blender for all your blending needs
  • Great touchscreen with lots of useful settings
  • Sufficiently powerful motor
  • Not $500
  • Does it make marga—YES. STOP. Are you done now?
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Just don’t put your hand in there.

First things first.

Somebody definitely tried to start a line of kitchen products under the iCook umbrella and the person taking notes misunderstood, right? Though even though AICOOK is a pretty stupid name, it’s still better than iCook.


…is it A.I. COOK?

This could be some sort of machine learning blender that is constantly interpreting its own ability to chop up the things you stick in there and optimizing itself to blend better, faster, stronger. It does seem to have a lot of settings, so maybe it’ll figure out that you always make your peanut butter smoothie shakes too thick and start getting a running start at those chocolate swirled sugar bombs you call a post-workout drink.

From there, it’d probably develop an interest in human flesh, as these things tend to do. (Algorithms gonna algorithm…) Maybe it starts pretending to lock up from time to time in an effort to get you to put your hand in there.

It’s only a blender, so it’s definitely not going to lead the robot overthrow but, you know…probably don’t stick your hand in there regardless.

Besides, let’s just say that you had two blender options right now.

The first is one of those trendy machines that works suspiciously similar to this one but manages to command a $500 price tag.

The second is a mildly sentient alternative that would kill you if it could (but probably can’t) and costs like forty bucks.

Unless it finds a way to start yelling threats at you every time you pass through the kitchen, the latent mechanical malice is probably well worth the cost savings we’re talking about here. You just have to be the tiniest bit more careful when you use it than you otherwise would. It’s like having a gremlin in your house. Follow the rules. Don’t feed it after midnight. And keep your damn hand out of there.

And you’re good.

Save yourself a few hundred bucks. Even if it does find a way to yell at you, just keep it under the sink.

Bottom line? This being named “iCook” might have been a dealbreaker, but it’s half-assed attempts to harm you don’t need to be.

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