95-or-456-For-Tuesday: Ricola Dual Action Glacier Mint Cough Drops
- These are the “glacier mint” variety, which Amazon Reviewers claim will sooth your throat AND freshen your breath. Some have even called the flavor “amazing.”
- They are “Dual Action,” which means they work for both coughs and sore throats.
- They’re individually wrapped, and not with that yucky wax paper that gets all sticky like other cough drops.
- Since we are selling your choice of 95 or 456 cough drops, and each cough drop is a dual action cough drop, doesn’t that mean we are selling up to 912 “actions”?
- No, that’s not really how that works.
- Basically, you can have enough cough drops to get you and few others through the winter, or enough to get you and the whole office through the winter.
- Bonus: Ricola is really fun to say.
- Model: 3120, which is also how many we’ll try and sell you next time if you buy these.
A Simple Breakdown
Consider the following factors:
Factor 1: In most areas of the country, we are nearing the season of truly inclement weather (that is, if it has not already arrived). It will be colder in some places, snowier in others, and overcast and rainy elsewhere still. But the point stands: it’s not going to get any nicer outside for quite a few months.
Factor 2: Sooner or later, you’re going to get sick. And probably sooner. Perhaps as a result of Factor 1 directly–you get caught outside in the cold wet weather–or indirectly–you’re stuck inside more, breathing the stuffy air, and thus are more likely to contract something from a coworker, spouse, or child. Or perhaps, it’s completely unrelated. The circumstances do not matter. What is important is that you will, in the coming months, experience a period wherein you feel, definitively, ‘not your best.’
Factor 3: Ricola Dual Action Cough Drops, while containing medicine and having wonderful medicinal properties, provide more relief than true healing.
THUS…
…assuming the sickness, discussed in Factor 2, is mild–as in, it’s a simple throat cold, not something requiring prescription-strength medication–you will, in the coming months, want Ricola Cough Drops, but due to Factor 1, you will not want to leave the house to get them. This is the level of relief discussed in Factor 3 could possibly be mitigated by the “anti-relief” of journeying out into the cold, disgusting world. (Not to mention the potential impossibility of leaving the house, if you are in one of the aforementioned places that experiences the snow-laced variety of Factor 1.)
In this case, your options are:
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To suffer, sadly, without Ricola Dual Action Cough Drops; or…
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To preemptively order an assload* of Ricola Dual Action Cough Drops on the internet, thus allowing you safe passage through winter without making the dangerous (or, at the very least, depressing) journey from house to pharmacy.
*For the purposes of this hypothetical, the numerical value of an “assload” is set as:
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Greater than 94; and…
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Less than 457.
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