Stupid, Fun

Welcome to the waiting room. We’ll give you a tour.

Here are the seats. You will notice that somehow people have arranged themselves in such a way that you can’t help but sit frustratingly close to someone.

Let’s meet your fellow waiters:

Over here, we have two elderly people. One mumbles to the other quietly, so as not to add to the volume in the room (more on that later), but this has the opposite effect, as the recipient of the mumble, unable to hear, says, loudly, “What?” From what little we can pick up, they are casually discussing something about a relative that is incredibly personal. You’ll get just enough details to pull you in, but not enough to keep you engaged.

Over there, two children and their harried parent. The children occupy the age wherein they view a moment spent in silent boredom as an affront to their very souls. The parent has provided some activity, keeping them mostly quiet, but outbursts do crackle through the room like thunder from time to time.

And yet, these two clusters do not fully explain why you cannot hear yourself think in here. That, of course, would be a product of our next two stops.

Here we see the third waiter, someone alone, but FaceTiming with a friend or loved one. And not with earbuds in, either. You can hear it all: their unguarded offerings, and their friend’s high-pitched, tinny responses. How is that some people find this acceptable? Have they been assailed by some sort of brain disease? Scientists remain unsure, mostly because to study the behavior of a person like this would require being around for a prolonged period of time, and who wants that?

And now, our final stop, and the real source of the noise, the television, which has been tuned to play either:

A. The shrillest of children’s programming, a show that is somehow not AI-generated, to the great embarrassment of its human creators;

or…

B. something that appears to be a news show, yet is somehow devoid of any remotely controversial topics (which means it is devoid of news).

So, now it’s up to you. You must choose your seat. And moreover, you must choose how to entertain yourself. You can read the book you brought, by which we mean, stare at the words, taking none of them in, being that you’re distracted and on edge with anticipation that you’ll be called on at any moment. Or you could scroll on your phone, making this another venue in which you might further your brain’s rot.

Or, you could play a stupid, simple game that’s with you all the time, because it’s on your keychain. One of these, we mean. They’re fun enough to keep you engaged, and simple enough that you don’t mind pocketing them when it comes time for your appointment.

And if they add to the noise, who cares? Someone’s already FaceTiming loudly, remember? Nobody’s going to blame you for anything.