If you need a little boost

Are you a virulent, red-blooded dynamo with limitless energy, ready to take on the world from sunup to sundown and maybe punch a horse along the way if it looks at you funny?

No?

Geeze. Even if we forget about the horse-punching part for now?

Dang. Times are tough.

But we get it. We could feel better. You could feel better. Maybe you need to go from feeling bad to feeling a little less bad. Maybe you’re sitting at about “meh” and want to upgrade to something more like “hey now, maybe!”

Or perhaps you’re the absolute ass-kicking cat’s pajamas and you want to slam some of these bad boys like Neo taking the Matrix pill and fly your unstoppable self right over to that spreadsheet you’ve been working on and sort the absolute shit out of those columns and rows.

We don’t know your life.

But we do have a near-literal boatload of these testosterone boosting zinc pills and we’ll gladly set you up with a full 120 day supply of…whatever exactly this stuff ends up doing for you personally.

We don’t know. We ain’t you.

But the ingredients are good and the reviews are good and the bull on the label looks serious without being over the top, so we like our chances here.

Sure, it seems like this is one of those things that humans evolved just fine without, but humans also evolved chasing down deer with spears and never having to decide between responding with an enthusiastic “LOL” or a merely supportive thumbs up emoji. Those old-timey body builders who wear the striped onesies and have those big handlebar mustaches would probably need a bit of a boost themselves if they had to go through your typical Tuesday.

No shade is being thrown by us, is what we’re saying.

Get yourself four bottles of this stuff and see where it takes you. Just stay away from horses until you’re confident that you have a handle on your newfound physical and mental prowess.