4-Pack: Bell + Howell Alien Shield Transparent Tape
- Holes, man! They sure let a lot of stuff through them!
- But these stop holes from letting stuff through
- Kinda like how normal tape fixes paper, this tape fixes everything else
- Were these features written by an AI: Sadly, no; the man who wrote them has a terminal degree in writing
Patch It Up
Things this tape can do:
- Patch a leaking air mattress.
- Cover a hole in a bucket.
- Fix the cracked plastic under-tray of a Miata.
- Keep a tub from losing water.
- Stop a drafty door from letting the cold come in.
- Patch a pool liner.
- Temporarily fix a roof issue while you wait for the roofing company to show up and actually fix it.
- Reinforce a retractable awning.
- Fix a rip in a dog bed so well it can be vacuumed over without fear.
- Patch tears in boat seats.
- Make it so your sunroof only lets in the sun.
- Keep a mattress from… moving?.
- Stick some bricks to your house? After pressure washing? So you can… hang… Christmas lights?.
Things it can’t do:
- Stop your child from aging so they will remain young and innocent forever.
- Keep that thing your spouse asked you to get at the store top of mind (just make a list on your phone, buddy).
- Silence the digestive noises of the burrito you had at lunch lunch.
- Stop your wallet from leaking every time you pass a Starbucks during PSL season.
- Keep your mouth fully shut whenever someone says “Well, if Embiid had the supporting cast Jokic has, he’d have won the title last year.”