Lots Of Positivity

Ah, a couple camping towels. Nothing too exciting, if you ask me. Perhaps I’ll check over on Amazon and see if I can possibly scrounge up two or maybe three vaguely positive reviews to highlig–

What the fuck?! These things get a 4.7 out of 5? BASED ON MORE THAN 8,000 REVIEWS??

But you know what? That’s great. It makes my job as a copywriter easy. I just need to compile a list of the points I want to get across, then find a few thoughtful reviews that touch on a single point each, and boom, I’m done for the day!

So, what are the important features here? What am I looking for?

Well, for starters, their size. And I mean that in two ways: first, how compact they are when packed; and second, how big they are when unpacked. Beyond that, I probably want to touch on the absorbency. After all, their packability or size doesn’t matter if they don’t, you know, dry you off. Oh, also: how quickly they dry. That’s important too. Because a towel that rolls down to nothing isn’t so convenient if it’s still sopping wet an hour after you use it.

Okay, that’s what I’m after in these reviews. Now, let’s see if Patricia Hogan has anything to say about one of these points:

Exactly as described - nice size towel that’s big enough for showering or the pool/beach. It dries quickly!! Perfect - very pleased! Pat yourself dry with it. Super absorbent

Dammit, Patricia! You just burned through everything! In twenty-eight words! What the hell else am I supposed to write now?!

Seriously, Patricia, why can’t you be more like dlms, who really paints a picture regarding the decision to buy them and their subsequent strong performance, and then goes on to provide two updates, one a few weeks later and another after more than 3 years of use?

(Which I especially appreciate, by the way. So often you go onto Amazon to read reviews and half of them are like, “I removed this product from the box sixteen seconds ago, and so far, so good!” Give it some time, people! Let it breathe!)

Anyway, there are a lot more strong reviews, but you get the point.

Buy these towels. Apparently, they’re great.