Unbend Your Rectum

Welcome to Fix Your Shit Weekend, your chance to, well…you get it. We’re talking two days of doing our level best to help you reclaim your bowel health. It might not be our best idea, but it’s definitely number two.

Listen.

Last time we offered these, we got pretty down in the weeds about the mechanics of why you’d want such a thing.

“According to Tushy, the shape of modern toilets isn’t spectacular for complete bowel evacuation because the sitting position results in a bent rectum.”

Thanks, Sean. You really painted a picture for all of us with that one.

And if you want to dig into the graduate level dissertation on rectum angles and bowel canals that follows the charming excerpt above, by all means go give it a read. It all remains true and the info is undeniably valuable.

But also, some of our informal research (don’t ask) suggests that a lot of you aren’t exactly at the “optimize your rectum angle” phase of improving your digestive health. Considering our web analytics suggest an alarming percentage of Meh purchases and a more alarming percentage of forum comments happen on the toilet, we’re pretty sure ya’ll could stand to spend a lot less time on that thing.

That’s where this comes in.

In addition to creating a more biomechanically sound position in which to defecate, having a stool like this in your bathroom also serves the important function of reminding you what you’re there to do in the first place.

Butt on seat, feet on stool, forearms on knees…it’s a position that’s all business. From that vantage point there’s no instinct to reach for your phone or otherwise prolong what should be a down and dirty biological evacuation into an extended session of internet browsing or candy crushing.

The first time that you accomplish your shit, wash up, and get back to your day in a couple of minutes, it can be genuinely disorienting. You frankly waste a lot of time in there. (And yes, we did notice.)

Besides, there’s nothing to say you can’t still hide in the can for a while if you really need to. Just do it with your pants pulled up and the toilet seat closed.

Your bowel health will thank you.

Thus concludes day two of Fix Your Shit Weekend. We hope you’ve fixed your shit.