Expansion

Our proposed ad for these hoses:

[*We pan across lush flower beds in front of a suburban home before a handsome gray-haired man steps into frame.]

MAN
When I was first diagnosed with ugly yard, it was devastating. But luckily, I consulted with my doctor, and she prescribed…

SOOTHING VOICE
Garden.

[We see a montage of the man working in his garden, pulling weeds, pruning bushes, and watering plants with a Pocket Hose Copper Bullet.]

SOOTHING VOICE
Garden is a personality enhancer capable of treating conditions such as ugly yard, free time, clean fingernail, and nothing to talk about with coworkers on Monday in the spring and summer. Those who have taken Garden have seen improvements within days of beginning treatment.

[Montage continues.]

SUPER FAST VOICE
Known side effects of Garden include skin irrigation, planter fasciitis, coughshoot, tediniris, peat stroke, or athlete’s root. If side effects worsen, see a doctor immediately. They may have to deliver fluids via an ivy or even perform a blood transfuscian. Remember to take Garden with water. Lots of water. Just a whole bunch of water, preferably delivered through a Pocket Hose Copper Bullet Expandable Garden Hose with included sprayer. They’re really wonderful hoses, we must say. They remain compact and easy to store when not in use, but expand up to 50 feet when water runs through them. And water will run through them very nicely, because they don’t kink. Not to mention the sprayer, oh the sprayer! Just amazing! Why, you might say our praise for these hoses is really… gushing! Ha ha, he he, ha ha, hoo hoo, he he. Oh no, I’ve done it. I’ve gone off script. Dammit! My career is over! There’s only one thing to do now…

[Montage continues as we hear, in the audio, the sound of something clanking on the floor, a hiss, glass smashing, followed by a door opening. People coughing. A man saying, "Jeez, I never had this before, cough cough someone tossing a smoke bomb and then throwing himself out the window cough right in the middle of recording. I hope he’s okay. cough Wait, I cough see him. He’s limp-running through the cough cough parking lot. Where on earth cough could he be going?]

Cut to:

[The handsome gray haired finishing up his work. He sets down his Pocket Hose Copper Bullet and steps up to the camera.]

MAN
Thanks to Garden, my condition is under control.

SOOTHING VOICE
Ask your doctor about Garden today!

[*In the background, we see a man limp-run up to the house. He picks up the hose, and we can hear him screaming into it as if it’s a microphone, “You ruined me! You cost me career, you beautiful son of a bitch! You took everything from me, you absolutely perfect piece of equipment!”]

END

Pocket Hose, hit us up if you’re interested.