2-Pack: Philips Sonicare ProtectiveClean 5000 Series
- A 2-pack of really good electric toothbrushes
- 31,000 brush strokes per minute means fewer cavities and tooth decay
- Will also give you a nice gum massage, if you know what we mean
- (We mean they have a gum massage setting)
- Model: PH1L1P-TH3-5CR1PT
The Truth Is Out There
Agents Fox Molar and Dana Skully flashed their badges, gaining access to the crime scene.
“I just never seen nothing like it,” the officer said as he raised the tape. “I mean, I certainly never seen no person that looks like that.”
“We’ll take care of it,” Skully said. “Why don’t you get home and get some sleep.”
“I ain’t gonna sleep,” the officer said. “Not for days. But I sure as hell ain’t gonna pass up an excuse to get far away from here.”
With that, the two agents were left alone with the strange body. Fox Molar knelt next to it. “It looks like some kind of swamp creature.”
“A swamp creature, Molar?” Skully said, crossing her arms. “Are you serious?”
“Dead serious, Skully,” Molar said. “We’re talking about either something from a swamp, or from space.”
“Space?” Skully said.
“How else do you explain this?” Molar lifted the creature’s lips up, revealing a set of shockingly white teeth. “No cavities. No tooth decay of any kind. Six times less plaque than you see in a typical mouth. For something like that, you’d need a device capable of 31,000 brush strokes per minute. Doesn’t that sound like alien technology to you?”
“It sounds like my Philips Sonicare ProtectiveClean 5000,” Skully said.
“This is serious, Skully!” Molar cried, getting to his feet.
“I’m being serious, Molar!” Skully shouted. “I know this is our thing. I know that we solve case after case where it’s ghosts, or aliens, or monsters, or whatever, and I know that every time I’m all like, ‘Wha?’ But for this one, I mean it. I have a toothbrush capable of the things you’re talking about. I have two of them, in fact. I got a great deal on Meh.”
“Meh?” Molar said.
“Yeah, Meh,” Skully said.
“There’s a retail company out there that’s so openly apathetic about itself?” Molar asked.
“Yeah,” Skully said. “They have a Meh button and everything.”
“Sounds like a front for something devious,” Molar said. “We better go check out their headquarters.”
“Great,” Skully said. “I could use a cheap bluetooth speaker and a few pounds of melted candy corn.”
“They sell melted candy corn?” Molar said, aghast.
“I’ll explain in the car,” Skully said.