2-Pack: Luminara Ivory Flameless Candles (4.5" or 6.5")
- A Disney Imagineer originally designed these for use in the Haunted Mansion
- The wax is real
- The flame is not
- All that real candle look; none of that real candle fire hazard
- Can they make margaritas: No, but they can set the margarita mood
Real Wax, Fake Flames
Okay, here’s the thing: these candles are pretty dope. They were invented by a Disney Imagineer for use in the Haunted Mansion, and as such, they’re shockingly realistic. What is it that sets them apart from others? Well, they’re made from real wax but have an LED flame. That means, they look cool and real but won’t burn down your house if you forget you lit one before leaving for vacation.
That’s it. It’s that simple.
And yet, somehow, on the Amazon page for these things, there are about 300 words in the “About This Item” section alone!
So we’re gonna go through and highlight some of our favorite bits of overwrought copy.
We start off with a classic move:
Enjoy the cozy glow of candles without any of the fuss!
We know there can be dripping wax and stuff, but aren’t candles one of the least fussy products to deal with? You put the lighter to the wick, and you’re in business, baby!
Next up, this note on their size:
this real flame-effect candle isn’t so small it disappears into the background, but not so big it dominates the room.
Don’t you just hate it when you’re trying to watch the game with your friends, but your eyes keep drifting to the enormous flaming wax sculpture in the corner? The worst! Sure, there are gaudy candles. But candles that dominate a room?! That sounds terrifying!
How about this:
This style of flameless candle is capable of being operated by a remote (sold separately).
Now, if the remote came with this thing, that would be cool. But if you go out of your way to buy A REMOTE FOR YOUR FAUX CANDLE, it says something about you. What exactly? We don’t even know. But it’s not good.
Here, we have a note on their safety:
They are safer to use than traditional candles, since no actual combustion or wax consumption happens. That means no soot or chemicals are released into the air, making them perfect for use indoors.
Yes, these are safer than normal candles because (as stated above) they won’t start a fire. But talking about candles as though they’re chemical refineries feels like a bit much. If you’ve got bad asthma or allergies or sensitivity, of course this makes sense. But if you’re just trying to be healthy about what you inhale, traditional candles should not be at the top of your list of things to avoid.
But this is maybe the best part:
Candles come packaged in sturdy boxes to protect them during the shipping process. They also are easy to wrap without having to search for just the right shaped box.
That’s right. They’re advertising the fact that they pack them properly as a big selling point.
Pretty ridiculous, right? But also, to reiterate what we said originally, stupid sales copy aside, these are really good fake candles.
