Powerful Illumination

They’re lamps. They have charging ports in them. You can plug your phone into the port to charge.

Pretty nice, right?

…

Sorry, we really wish we had more to discuss. But it’s been a long week. Like, maybe it’s pompous to say this, but we’ve been true fucking heroes these last seven days.

Here, let’s recap:

Monday - We grew everyone’s hair back.

Tuesday - We repaired everyone’s livers.

Wednesday - We reduced the fat in everyone’s diets by introducing a type of frying that requires only air.

Thursday - We sweetened everyone’s tea, cured everyone’s leg ulcers, and improved everyone’s digestive health.

Friday - We affordably protected everyone’s laptop.

Saturday - We provided a variety of products to better shape and care for all the lush, regrown hair.

What’s more, we did this all without offending a single person. Seriously, every product we sold this week was met with 100% approval. If you don’t believe us, go back and check any comment on the forum from this past week!

Except, well, maybe not that one. Or that one. Hmmm… that one might be sarcasm?

Okay, maybe we were being a bit hyperbolic when we said “100% approval.” So let us put this in the most down-to-earth grounded way we we can: we’ve been doing God’s work. And what did God do after 6 days absolutely killing it? He kicked back and took it easy. Which is what we’re doing today by selling this lamp with a charging port.

But they are good lamps. We should probably mention that.