A Taste of Class

There’s a certain aura of sophistication when you pay a premium for the nicer version of something that isn’t immediately obvious in its superiority. When even as you lean into your worst instincts of consumerism and excess…still nobody gives a shit.

And yet.

Today’s deal isn’t the latest iPhone, where your slightly different camera bump and shiny blue text message bubbles broadcast to all that you have opted for the most premium model. It’s not a German luxury SUV that gives you a special badge to let everyone sitting behind you in traffic know that you paid extra for an engine that’s more powerful than you need and brake calipers that are painted a different color than they might otherwise be.

It’s a charging block.

You can pay way more than this for one of these and you can pay way less than this for one of these and the story will largely be the same—shit gets plugged in, charging occurs.

The difference is in the details. But unlike the phone and the SUV, those details actually matter.

For starters: the power output.

The first USB-C port delivers 140W when used individually. The electronics dorks in the comments will confirm that this is objectively impressive, at least they will after they check the product specs and confirm that incompetent copyediting didn’t lead to an accidental “0” tossed onto that number. (Editor’s Note: It’s the writer’s job to get the specs right. I’m just here to fix your chaotic runoff sentences, dial back profanity where possible, and remove ridiculously arcane references from thirty years ago.)

You can tell that first port means business, because it’s kind of orange. While most dual-port chargers don’t care which port you use, this one does. It’s every bit as consequential as the turbo button on your PC tower back in 1992 when you had a Gateway 2000 486 that showed up to your house in a box decorated to look like a cow because despite no doorbell cams you could still leave expensive electronics on your porch that advertise their contents with eye-catching animal prints and it wasn’t really a problem. (Editor’s Note: sigh. Leaving this for the three people who will enjoy it. No more, though.)

With all that juice flowing through the first (orange turbo) port, you’d be forgiven for thinking that the second one just puttered along with some sort of lame, anemic output, but nope—that one puts out up to 100W, no problem.

What about when you’re using both ports? Most chargers wimp out and cut power down to something like 45W and 20W, but not these – these give you a full 65 watts of power, on both ports, at the same damn time.

This is the kind of performance that’s worth paying for, is what we’re saying. It’s the device charging equivalent of that episode of the Power Rangers spinoff series where— (Editor: no!)

It’s the device charging equivalent of Bo Jackson, when— (Nooooooooo)

It’s the device charging equivalent.

Of.

…

Hey readers, did you guys ever land on a consensus about whether the margarita jokes were still funny? Because today’s deal is the device charging equivalent of the 2008 Knight Rider reboot— (Seriously?!?)

Ahem.

This is an exceptional charging solution for way less than retail and we’re going to send you two of them, each with two excellent ports and those nice prongs that flip down for easy travel. We’re sorry that this company is too mired in editorial red tape to explain this to you in a more compelling and engaging way.

Maybe next time. The editorial team seems overdue for their off-site team-building golf boondoggle in Key West. (Note: I’m ONE guy! And probably fictional!)

Check out the features bullets for once, there’s important stuff in there!