They're Not Scones

CONSIDER YOUR OPTIONS: Buying These Atomi Smart WiFi LED Sconces vs. Using Candle Sconces and Hiring a Sconce Boy

Buying These Atomi Smart WiFi LED Sconces

PROS

• Relatively affordable
• Very stylish and cool-looking
• Weather-resistant
• Ultra-bright
• Over 16 million color options at your fingertips
• Can be controlled with an app or with your voice via a digital assistant

CONS

• Really should only be used outside
• Just another thing to do on your phone
• While installation is easy enough, it’s not as easy as handing a sconce to a sconce boy and yelling (into his good ear): “Screw that in over there, sconce boy!”

Using Candle Sconces and Hiring a Sconce Boy

PROS

• Makes you a “job creator”
• Ensures the sconce boy profession continues on
• You can put your sconces inside or outside, assuming your sconce boy can reach them
• It really is wonderful to watch the sconce boy work with all those powders and herbs to make the flames turn wild, exciting colors
• A sconce boy brings the human element, and it sure has been lonely in the castle ever since all that nasty business with Lady Edwina

CONS

• Sconce boy demands a salary and living quarters
• Sconce boy doesn’t always listen when you request certain colors, claiming his professional expertise overrides your preference
• As referenced above, voice control does not always work, because sconce boy’s hearing is iffy in his left ear due to an incident in his youth involving a mare, a wager, and a concoction made from peach brandy and something intended to soothe the throats of ailing bulls
• If sconce boy measures his various powders and herbs wrong, it sometimes results in a small explosion that burns off his eyebrows; not only is this unpleasant to look at, but embarrassing too, as he often goes into town and charges those same various herbs and powders to your account, so that everyone now associates you with a sooty, brow-less sconce boy, as if your local reputation need further debasement after all that nasty business with Lady Edwina
• Sconce boy has a cousin who has invented a machine that can (apparently) turn kidney beans into “an astonishing medical paste” (his words) and is constantly pushing you to invest; frequently he will receive letters that are, he claims, his earnings from his own meager investment in the business, but he refuses to let you see them, stating only that they are exorbitant before holding the paper to the nearest sconce and letting it ignite
• Can be a fire hazard

We hope this helps you make an informed purchasing decision!