24-Pack of Schoolyard Snacks Low Carb Keto Puffs (Hot, BBQ or Cheddar Jalapeño)

  • They look like cheese puffs
  • They taste like cheese puffs (that are BBQ, Cheddar Jalapeño or Fiery Hot flavor)
  • But they’re actually low-carb and Keto-friendly
  • Model: PUFF-PUFF-P455
see more product specs

Diet Junk Food

“Dad,” said Dale Jr., walking into the den.

“Yes, son?” Dale said, folding his newspaper.

Dale Jr. couldn’t meet his father’s eyes. “I just came to tell you that… well… I know what you’ve been doing. Sneaking around. Lying.”

Dale took a deep breath and leaned forward in his chair. “I knew this day would come. It’s just been going on so long. I was bound to slip up. But I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, son. If you really do know what I’ve ‘been doing,’ then you know my name is not Dale Halpern. It’s Monty Carmichael. Agent Monty Carmichael. I’m in a special unit of the FBI known as ‘Ultimate Justice Force.’ We deal with the most diabolical of all evildoers. You see, some twenty years ago, the Bureau got word that the criminal mastermind known only as ‘Dark Sword’ might be living in this area. So I was sent in, undercover, of course. I was supposed to take on the identity of a harmless community member, despite the fact that I am myself a highly trained killing machine. And so that’s what I did. They told me it would be a month-long job tops, but Dark Sword kept slipping through our grip. And so a month turned into two, turned into a year, turned into a decade. And yes, when I married your mother, that was for keeping up appearances. And when we had you, it was also part of the job. But son, just because you were born out of a need fit in with my quiet suburban alter ego, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Why, there are times when I lay in bed at night, hoping against hope that we never catch Dark Sword, dastardly as he is, because as soon as we do, I’ll have to disappear like a shadow when the light goes off. Then, it’ll be back to the Bureau to defuse more nukes hidden in plain sight and administer more punishing martial arts moves upon enemies of the state. Which is all to say, you may know what I’m doing, but please, I don’t want you to think you and your mother are in any way a burden on me.”

“Uh, what?” Dale Jr. said. “I was talking about your diet.”

“My diet?” Dale said.

“Yeah,” Dale Jr. said. “You promised mom you’d go Keto with her, but I saw you eating cheese puffs the other day.”

“Oh,” Dale said. “Well, son, those were Schoolyard Snacks Low Carb Cheese Puffs. I got them online. They taste like junk food, but they’re actually Keto-friendly.”

“Really?” Dale Jr. said.

“Yes really. Would I lie to you?” Then Dale caught himself. “Wait, sorry, don’t answer that. You know what, why don’t I quadruple your allowance and let’s forget this conversation ever happened.”

“Okay, dad,” Dale Jr. said, and he walked out of the den in a daze.

“Good talk, son,” Dale called after him.

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