12-Pack: Emerald Pet Little Duckies Dog Treats & Mini Trainers
Our Take
- Some look like ducks, others like pumpkins
- The duck ones are the treats; the pumpkins are the little morsels you give as a reward while training
- But you could also use the ducks for training and the pumpkins as treats
- Are they Mac compatible: If your iPhone’s not doing something you want it to, you should update iOS, not push a treat into its USB-C port
Your Take
Canine Edibles (But Not Like *That*)
Reasons Your Dog Might Secretly Hate You
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Whenever you speak for him, you assign him a really derpy voice that makes him sound like some sort of moron. And you do this even when friends are over, an obvious attempt to make yourself seem smarter in contrast to your falsified version of him.
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Speaking of smartness, you misunderstand intelligence as the ability to carry out, over and over, the same repeated substance-less tasks, like sitting, lying down, and shaking hands. Meanwhile, you never consider his skills of deductive reasoning or creative problem-solving, nor his ability to evaluate art (which, weirdly enough, is made up mostly of different shades of gray).
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Your continued demand to know, “Who’s a good boy?” when he, a verifiable good boy, sits right in front of you, staring into your eyes, provides all the evidence you need to disprove the adage, “It never hurts to ask.”
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You leave regularly, claiming that you have to go to the office or to the grocery store, but he knows you’re probably out there in some field, running to your heart’s content and peeing on every tree you see. All while he toils endlessly to ensure the rules of gravity remain intact and the couch and/or bed do not float away into space.
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You have no sense of follow-through. Take when you two are out walking, for example, and he feels the need to go number two. At first, you’re totally obsessed. You watch him go, and then eagerly, when his rump has barely lifted, you bag up what he deposited and carry it with you. And he’s be proud of you in that moment, because you’ve finally shown interest in something other than the television or your phone. You’ve got a hobby now, collecting poop, and hobbies require initiative. But then, the first trash bin you come to, in goes the poop. You’ve already given up, just like that.
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You are a culinary hypocrite, espousing the value of expanding one’s palate to everyone who visits, while not only feeding him the same dry, crunchy food every day, but also reprimanding him when he attempts to diversify his own diet by sampling what’s on the counter or in the trash.
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There’s an arrogance to the way you play with him, as if you don’t realize that he could, if he so decided, kill you fairly easily.
Reasons Your Dog Might Not So Secretly Love You
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You are you.
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You give him special treats sometimes.
