100-Pack: ToughBag 55-Gallon Trash Bags
- There are 100 garbage bags in here.
- They’re very thick (1.5mil) and durable, great for waste disposal at the knife factory.
- Uhhh… I think we’ve about covered it.
- Model: TB55BLK which stands for “totally bring 55 big latkes, k?” Look, I’m tired.
Never Run Out
Dale awoke for the first time in he didn’t know how long. He remembered leaving the tour group at the cryogenics lab, entering a room marked “Danger,” and then… well, Dale didn’t remember anything after that. He found himself in a small hospital room. His wife Lorraine–she looked older–sat in a chair next to the bed. A man Dale didn’t know sat next to her.
“Oh, Dale!” cried his wife. “You’re awake! We didn’t know what had happened to you all those years ago!”
“Years?” Dale said.
“You’ve been frozen for two decades, fella!” said the man sitting with his wife. Dale saw now that he held Lorraine’s hand.
“And who exactly are you?” Dale asked.
“Oh, honey,” Lorraine said. “This is Carl. He’s my husband.”
“Carl Danley,” said Carl, holding out his hand to shake Dale’s. “Pleased to meet you. I’m glad you finally came to. You two probably have some things to discuss alone, and they’ll be missing me back at the robot therapy center.”
“Robot therapy?” Dale said.
Lorraine nodded. “Carl is one of the best robot therapists in the whole country.”
“Oh, hell,” Carl said. “I just tweak a few wires and the robots find a whole new purpose in their daily toil. Anyway, I’ll leave you two to talk.”
When he left, Dale and Lorraine sat in silence.
“How are the twins?” Dale asked finally.
Lorraine looked confused for a moment. “Oh, yes, the twins,” she said. “Well, Timmy and Tommy are now… TimmyTommy.”
“I don’t understand,” Dale said.
“They were distraught for years after we couldn’t find you. When they turned eighteen, they volunteered for a wild science experiment where they would be combined into one person. The experiment was a success. In fact, TimmyTommy has double the strength and intelligence that just one of them had. They played in the NBA for some time on the Atlanta Coca Cola Classics until the sanctions against twin fusion came down from commissioner Backpack Kid.”
Dale sat up and moved to get off the bed. His legs were still numb, but he tried to swing them to the floor anyway. The various machines around him beeped and whirred. Lorraine stood, concerned.
“Dale, what are you doing?”
“I just need some space,” he said. “So much has changed. So much is different. I just want to go do something, something profoundly mundane. Like, I don’t know? Go to the store and buy toilet paper, milk, garbage bags, I don’t care.”
“We don’t need garbage bags,” Lorraine said.
“Why?” Dale shouted. Tears filled his eyes. “We don’t use garbage bags anymore? We wrap everything in holograms? Our meals are little pills? What is it, Lorraine? Answer me!”
Lorraine shook her head. “None of those things. We’re just just still working through the 100 pack of ToughBag 55-Gallon Trash Bags you bought on Meh before you disappeared.”