Primula Cold Brew Coffee Maker Bundle
- A bundle of two cold brew devices: a 1.6 qt. cold brew carafe and a 20 oz travel bottle/brewer.
- Cold brew is less bitter than your usual iced coffee because it brews slowly… and coldly. You’ll want to put the carafe in the fridge for 18-24 hours and bottle for about 12.
- The coffee stays good for 14 days, which is not super long, but then again, if you don’t drink 1.6 quarts of coffee in 2 weeks, maybe you don’t need to buy this?
- On the other hand, if you drink a ton of coffee, you can go back and forth between the bottle and the carafe to make sure there’s always coffee brewing.
- Dishwasher safe for those who want to keep things clean, and “heat resistant” for those who just don’t understand this concept at all.
-Models: PBPBK-5101 & PCGBK-1220. Now, the numbers being different is fine. But what we’re confused about is why one (the carafe) has a P in the middle and the other (the bottle) has a G. Our theory: P stands for plenty, because it makes a bunch of iced coffee, whereas the G stands for Good-enough-for-now. Eh?
A Terror Is Brewing
Friends, before reading further, lock your doors, turn on all of the lights, and gather your pets and loved ones tight, because the following is a horror story.
We begin with a young man. Let us give him a name. Let us call him Sean.
This all happened some years ago, when Sean was just a naive young man who believed, due to being brought up in the Northeast within proximity to a certain corporate food chain, that donut shops could be relied upon for iced coffee. It was this misunderstanding that will ultimately lead to our story’s tragic end. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.
Sean, walking the streets of Seattle on a hot summer afternoon, entered a donut shop–not one of the fancy ones you may have heard of; a small, out-of-the-way place that will remain nameless–and asked the man behind the counter, “Do you have iced coffee?”
The man replied, “Yes, we have iced coffee.” Or no, that’s not it. That’s not it at all. What he said was: “Yes, I can do iced coffee.”
This should’ve been the tell, the sign that something was amiss and Sean should flee that donut shop. But he ignored the portents. He removed a small bill and said, “Great, I’ll have an iced coffee then.”
What happened next is almost too gruesome to put into words.
The man behind the counter took a large styrofoam cup, filled it with ice, and proceeded to pour hot coffee from the pot directly over it, handing Sean, to his horror, a lukewarm watery mess.
But do not grieve for Sean. Do not shed one single tear over his ruined attempt to seek cold caffeination. For Sean is a complex protagonist, and he is not without blame here.
Because why was he even seeking to purchase an iced coffee in the first place? Why was he not buying beans in bulk and then using this Primula Cold Brew Coffee Bundle to make his own deliciously smooth and delightfully cheap iced coffee at home? Perhaps, if he had, the day before, loaded up the 1.6 qt. cold brew carafe–or the bottle, which he could’ve carried with him–he might have avoided such a cruel fate.
As is the case with many stories of terror and woe, this is a cautionary tale. Do not, dear reader, make the same mistake Sean made. Buy this bundle and live forever in cold coffee bliss.