Gianello Interchangeable 3-Strap Watch Set
Our Take
- It’s not a smart watch
- It tells time and looks stylish
- Easily swap out bands to match your look
- Can it make a margarita: No, but you can look at it and say, “It’s five o’clock somewhere!” (This, however, can be dangerous; see write-up)
It's Time
How to use your Gianello Interchangeable 3-Strap Watch Set
-
Choose which strap best matches your look for the day.
-
Attach it to the attractive watch face.
-
Look stylish and know what time it is.
-
Attend a long, boring work seminar.
-
After being released, loiter in the halls with your coworkers, discussing what a drag it was.
-
When someone says, “Gosh, that felt like forever! What time is it?” dramatically look at your watch and say, “Hey, it’s five o’clock somewhere! How about grabbing a happy hour drink?”
-
Laugh softly to yourself.
-
Realize you are the only one laughing.
-
Realize no one is even smiling. Everyone else is looking at you, aghast.
-
Listen as your cubicle neighbor speaks up and says, “But it’s 4:43. There’s nowhere in the world that’s exactly 17 minutes ahead of us.”
-
Watch as the circle of your coworkers, many of whom you would’ve considered friends, closes to exclude you.
-
Slip away.
-
Get in your car.
-
Drive.
-
When you get to your exit, don’t turn off. Keep going.
-
End up in a small idyllic town within the same time zone as your previous city.
-
Establish residence.
-
Pay a child to help you stage a series of do-gooder stunts: saving him from “almost drowning” in a river, retrieving a cat that “gets stuck” up a tree, rescuing a deaf dog who “just decided” to take a nap on the train tracks.
-
Parlay the goodwill into local celebrity status.
-
With your newfound fame, launch a campaign for mayor, running on a platform of fixing potholes, strengthening schools, setting the time exactly 17 minutes ahead, and rejuvenating local parks.
-
Win in a landslide.
-
Serve as mayor.
-
When the boy says he needs more money to keep quiet, skim a little bit off the budget for snow removal equipment.
-
The next winter, after a blizzard ravages the area, feign ignorance as to why the roads remain clotted with snow for weeks.
-
When an investigative journalist asks for your comment on budget inconsistencies, pay her off with money set aside for garbage truck repairs and maintenance.
-
Get impeached.
-
Try not to laugh when you realize the reason for your impeachment is not because the streets are impassable, blocked by either snow or piles of trash that the broken-down garbage trucks cannot pick up, but rather, the confusion around your mandated time change. Everyone’s tired of having to do the mental math whenever they leave town.
-
Flee.
-
Get your old job back.
-
Attend another long, boring seminar.
-
This time, when someone asks what time it is as you leave, say, “It’s five o’clock somewhere,” but don’t laugh or smile.
-
Lock eyes with your former cubicle neighbor (you sit somewhere else now), daring them to defy you.
NOTE: Steps 4 through 32 are optional.
