Mirror, Mirror

Here’s what we’ve got on offer: a wall-mountable/door-hanging cabinet with a mirror on it.

Okay, to be fair, it is marketed as a ‘jewelry armoire,’ not a cabinet. But then again, it’s not as though the shelves on this thing are spring-loaded to forcibly eject all items placed within it that some internal AI deems to be non-jewelry. You can put whatever you want in here. Your earrings, your rings, your watches, your bracelets, your make-up, your seashells, your collection of peanuts you’ve etched with a fine point to resemble the cast of The Golden Girls, whatever.

In other words: it’s a cabinet.

Moreover, it’s a cabinet that looks pretty nice, boasting “hand-made woodgrain craftsmanship” and “classic retro style.” Although to be clear, it’s the exact kind of “retro style” that everyone will recognize as “retro style” while understanding it’s definitely not vintage. (Which isn’t a bad thing; a little less authenticity, way fewer splinters.)

It seems pretty straightforward, but we understand that, given the expectations cultivated by our sales recently, you might be confused. So here’s a quick FAQ to put some things in perspective.

What’s the best-by date on this?

It has no best-by date. It isn’t a food item. It is a cabinet/jewelry armoire.

What kind of suction are we talking here?

It has no suction. It isn’t a vacuum. It is a cabinet/jewelry armoire.

Is it tough on grease?

It is not tough on grease. It is not a wipe/sponge. It is a cabinet/jewelry armoire.

Well, we hope this helps!

So go ahead, buy this jewelry armoire. And then put whatever the hell you want in it.