Sharper Image 4-Piece 1000 Thread Count Anti-Microbial Sateen Sheets

  • Anti-microbial fabric that helps you skip a laundry day or two
  • Beefy thread count
  • Your choice of classy, subtle colors
  • Model: H0LY-SH33T
see more product specs

Lighten Laundry Loads

There is a frankly unsettling amount of technology baked into these sheets. This material kills microbes and eliminates odors with the power of silver ions, which is a process that we don’t exactly understand. It was probably discovered by accident while somebody was trying to turn lead into gold, but ended up coming up with fabric that won’t get smelly.

And honestly, good for that failed alchemist, because it turns out that a patent wielded by DuPont is way more lucrative than gold. Plus instead of inevitably becoming a Midas-like hermit living in a cave surrounded by a dragon’s hoard of golden nonsense, they probably got a modest holiday bonus and went to bed with the noble satisfaction of having created value for the shareholders.

It’s a modern fairy tale is what it is.

Regardless, the point here is that there’s finally a set of sheets that meet average people where they are. And where they are, specifically, is probably not changing sheets often enough. If you somehow, preposterously, manage to change your sheets once a week or so, this anti-microbial, non-stinky fabric might not seem like that big a deal—clean sheets don’t stink, after all.

But if you put your bedding in its rightful place in the laundry rotation (behind the bathroom towels and just ahead of those cool area rugs that can run through the washer), there’s a good chance that your next sheet change is a little overdue.

Or maybe not. Maybe you’re one of those “good people” who “have their shit together” and never use “sarcastic quotation marks” as a defense mechanism to stave off the “crushing anxiety” of personal inadequacy.

What we’re saying is just that, if you keep up with your bedding, good for you. If you don’t, maybe buy yourself a few extra days’ worth of grace period by getting some sheets that will actively fight microbes and odor even while you actively do literally nothing about it other than try not to get buffalo sauce on the pillowcases.

Embrace the “good enough” deep inside you. Order these rad sheets.

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