Pick-Your-80-Pack: KIND Healthy Grains Energy Bars
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Our Take
- These bars are 74% larger than the KIND bars we sold last time
- Some fruity options this time, made with real strawberries, bananas, mangos, pineapples and berries
- A decent dose of fiber to keep things moving
- A bunch of whole grains that’ll give you some energy
- Best By 12/14/25 - 4/23/26 (see specs)
- Halloween handouts, anyone?
- Can they make a margarita: No, but if you eat one of these, then you can have something as unhealthy as a margarita and not feel bad; or, at least, we’re pretty sure that’s how food works
Healthy (but Tasty)
In the waning hours of trick-or-treat night, a young Dracula and a ghost converged on a street corner to compare hauls and discuss strategy.
“The Hudsons are giving away full-size Snickers,” said Dracala. “But the place is swamped.”
“Mrs. Granderson has a good array,” said the ghost. “All minis, but she’s got a bad memory, so if you go all the way down the street and then come back, you can hit her place again.”
“Don’t bother with the Gilberts’ house,” said Dracula. “It was down to crushed Smarties packets by the time I got there, and that was almost twenty minutes ago.”
“Good to know,” said the ghost. “Mr. Vincent has–”
“Wait, you went to Mr. Vincent’s?” Dracula said, cutting him off. “I figured nobody visited his house anymore after four years of fidget spinners that didn’t even light up because the batteries were dead.”
“It was on my way to the Anderson house,” said the ghost. “I made eye contact with him standing in his door. I felt bad not stopping.”
“Rough,” said Dracula. “So was it fidget spinners again?”
“No, it was bars, this time,” said the ghost.
“Oh, sick!” said Dracula.
“Healthy bars,” the ghost said.
“Lame,” said Dracula.
“But they could be good, I guess,” the ghost said. “Some had chocolate, but some were just fruit and nuts. Mr. Vincent said the fiber in them helps him with his morning constitutional.”
“Ew,” said Dracula.
“And that the whole grains give him the energy at 3pm to finish the workday strong by looking for other jobs,” said the ghost. “He said he even eats them for dinner sometimes.”
“A healthy snack bar? For dinner?” Dracula shook his head. “That’s so sad.”
“It got sadder,” the ghost said. “I was about to leave, but he said, ‘Since it’s Halloween, do you want to see something really scary?’ And before I could say no, he took out his phone and showed me his karma score on the Reddit app. Dude, it was so low. To be polite, I asked him how it got like that, but all he’d say was that he was ‘the bad boy of the r-slash-gout.’”
“Jeez,” said Dracula.
“But the bars might be okay,” said the ghost. “Pretty big, at least.”
“Better than toothbrushes, I guess,” said Dracula. “I’ll check it out.”
And with that, the two parted ways.
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