Drink Up

From an Instagram carousel of Notepad screenshots by user HenryClark_Author

Followers,

It has come to my attention that a major news outlet has plans to run a story concerning my recent memoir, Journeying Through Hell on Foot: A Tale of Survival.

Specifically, they plan to highlight a few minor exaggerations I made throughout the narrative in the name of building dramatic tension. But while this publication plans to paint me as a pathological liar, I can assure you, I never meant to mislead you, my loyal readers.

That’s why I’m getting out in front of this and providing some explanation.

First of all, I said I found myself on a ‘winding, desolate path far from civilization.’ Which, if you think about it, technically could describe certain stretches of Interstate 80. As for the ‘on foot’ bit, well, last time I checked, you push the gas pedal with your foot. Also, I used cruise control a lot, so my feet were firmly planted on the ground. (By which I mean, the floor of my Toyota Corolla.)

Another claim the author of the article apparently sought to paint as a fib was the extensive scene when, severely dehydrated, I stumbled into a meadow filled with dangerous wildlife. To be clear: I was, in fact, dehydrated. I did not mention that said dehydration was brought about by eating a bag of Bugles (so salty!) as I drove, because it did not seem pertinent to the story.

And sure, the meadow may have contained a rest stop. But there were many squirrels in the trees around the picnic area, clucking and angrily whipping their tails. Also, a dog taking a potty break slipped its collar at one point, and for that minute, it was very wild. And dangerous. Trust me. Based on most metrics that don’t rely too heavily on bite-related hospital statistics, dachshunds are considered one of the most aggressive breeds.

As for the unlikely water source I discovered in this place, the one that I only felt safe drinking from due to my LifeStraw bottle capable of filtering out 99.999999% of bacteria and 99.999% of parasites? It may have been a water fountain. But it was pretty gross. And the night I spent shivering in the frigid wind? Perhaps I was in a room at a Motel 6 with an overzealous air conditioner that simply wouldn’t turn off. (The other sketchy water source I mentioned in the book was the sink in that room; the water that came out of it tasted nasty! Very sulfurous! I’m so glad I had my LifeStraw!)

You see? I am not a con artist, as this major news outlet will claim. I’m just a misunderstood author who perhaps applied a slight bit too much artistic license. Is that a crime?

I will strive for more transparency moving forward. And I will be entirely transparent when I say this: refunds for my book will, unfortunately, not be accepted.

Thanks for reading!

-Henry