2-Pack: Zing Zyclone Zing Ring Blasters
- Summer is coming, so it’s time to upgrade your launchables
- Here’s a quick video
- You get two of them for epic battles
- Also fun to just, like, catch the rings
- What do you call the sound they make when they fire? The ring tone
Ring in the Start of Summer
“Marv, Sally, Diane, thanks for making time for this,” said Dylan after he’d closed the conference room door behind them. “I understand you’re all busy with other projects right now, but this demands our immediate attention. As you know, we recently produced an ad for the Zing Zyclone Zing Ring Blaster. It’s a delightful, easy-to-use children’s toy that shoots rings, perfect for fun fights with friends, target challenges, or games of 500. Now, the issue is, at the end of the ad, the voice over says the slogan we came up with for Zing: ‘Become the lord of the–’ well, you get it. Point is, we’ve heard from the Tolkien estate, and we need something new. Fast.”
“How about ‘become the god of the launchable circles,’” Sally suggested.
“Not really rolling off the tongue,” Dylan said.
“How about ‘become a señor de los anillos,’” Marv said.
“Is that just the phrase but in Spanish?” Dylan asked.
“Maybe,” Marv said.
“Yeah, so that’s not really gonna work,” Dylan said.
“‘Become the baron of the stubby cylinders,’” Sally said.
“Not quite hitting for me,” Dylan replied.
“‘Herr der Ringe,’” Marv said.
“You can’t just change a language and avoid copyright infringement, Marv,” Dylan said.
“Okay, how about this,” Diane said. “A whole new commercial. A girl, just moved to the neighborhood. Her name is Shane. We establish that. Her neighbor, a cool girl. Christina. Goes by Chi-Chi, an embarrassing nickname that she nonetheless keeps as an homage to the woman who gave it to her, her late grandmother. Anyway, Shane is just trying to fit in, just trying to make friends. Can’t get any traction at school. Then, one day, she gets out her Zing Zyclone Zing Ring Blasters–she bought a 2-pack–and she starts firing rings at targets in her backyard. Chi-Chi sees, comes over, a friendship starts, Chi-Chi introduces Shane around. Eventually, there are so many friends coming over to play with Zing Zyclone Zing Ring Blasters, they have to buy extra rings. Ten of them.”
“What’s the slogan here?” Dylan asked.
“‘Shane, Chi-Chi, and legend of the ten rings,’” Diane said.
“I love it!” Dylan said. “Very easy to understand!”
“Should we double-check that there are no ways any super-litigious companies could come after us about this one?” Sally asked.
“Nope!” Dylan said. “There’s no time for that! We’ve got a commercial to cut!”
