Spray What You Will

Garden hoses.

Yes. On the doorstep of October, we’re selling garden hoses.

Specifically, we’re selling a 2-pack of garden hoses that expand to 25 feet when there’s water going through them. When they’re not in use, they shrink and become unobtrusive. Also, you get some nice hand sprayers, too.

Good stuff, right?

“Sure,” you’re likely saying, “if it were friggin’ April!”

To which we would respond:

A. We’ve sold these things throughout the summer.

B. There are uses for hoses beyond gardening (even if the hose in question is called a ‘garden hose’).

C. You could always buy it now, stash it, and have it ready to go when Garden Season 2026 kicks off.

D. Mums exist.

And finally…

F. Now is exactly the time you should be cultivating your collection of spooky plants so that they’re good and ready for Halloween.

Wait, you don’t have a bunch of spooky plants?

You mean to tell us that when trick-or-treaters come to your door, they don’t walk through a maze of creepy flora, such as:

• Frankenstein’s Monstera
• Draculaena
• The Living Rhododeadron
• Jadeson Voorhees
• Amulettuce
• Boogainvillea
• Killodendron
• Wraithunbergia vine
• Bloody (Rose)Mary
• Human Sacraficus

Yeah, no, we know. Very stupid. But also, fun!

Anyway, hoses!