Plug In

Vander woke with a headache. He’d had the weirdest dream last night.

He’d been sitting at a bar when the old man next to him said his name. Maybe he heard someone else say it, he thought, but he was certain no one at the place knew him. Things only got weirder from there. The man knew about Vander’s father’s disappearance, apparently, but while Vander believed his dad had simply run out on him and his mother, the man claimed it wasn’t that at all: Vander Senior had been kidnapped by werewolves.

“How do you know?” Vander had.

“Because I’m the foremost werewolf hunter in the world,” the man said with a smirk. “And I just happened to be looking for an assistant. So if you want get even and kick a little ass, I’m offering you a chance.”

Vander had agreed in the dream. And that was all he remembered. Truth be told, waking was a relief. Although, this didn’t look like Vander’s bedroom at all. And why did he feel as though he was swaying just slightly?

Sitting up, Vander looked out the porthole window. The sea stretched out in front of him, no land in sight.

Getting out of the cot, Vander stumbled through the door into a room in the hull of the ship. There, at a table drinking a cup of coffee, sat the old man from the bar. “Look who finally decided to wake up!” he said, setting his mug down and standing.

“Where am I?” Vander asked.

“This is the SS Wolf,” the man said. “My boat. It’s our mobile home base.”

“Our mobile home base?” Vander said.

“We’re in it together now, kid,” the old man said.

The dream, Vander realized, was not a dream after all.

“Whoa, what’s that?” he said, pointing to an array of gear in the corner.

The man stepped over and picked up the biggest piece of machinery. “This is the mega-pheromoner. Flip the switch and every lycanthrope within a thousand miles will be paddling out to the boat looking for a mate. It’s great for traps.”

“I meant that,” said Vander, pointing again. “What’s that?”

The man picked up another piece. “This is the scanner. It uses UV light and a piece of stone smuggled back to earth by astronauts to simulate a low-power full moon. Point this at a werewolf any time, day or night, and the transformation will start. That’s how you know you found your target!”

“No, that,” Vander said.

The man picked up the laser net caster, but that wasn’t it either. Nor was it the silver bullet polisher, or the de-fanger, or the electric dog whistle of madness, or the post-battle rechargeable de-odorizer (“Fights with these things can get a bit stinky,” the man said). Finally, exasperated, Vander went over and picked up what he’d been pointing at. “This!” he said.

“Uh, that’s a One Beat Power Strip with 3 Outlets and 4 USB Ports,” said the man. “It charges all our gear, and does so fast.”

“But you’re not supposed to use stuff with surge protection on boats, I thought,” Vander said. “Like on cruise ships and stuff.”

“Well, this one doesn’t have surge protection,” the man said.

“Amazing,” Vander said, breathlessly.

“I got a two-pack on Meh for 22 dollars,” the man said. “Do you… want the other?”

“Really?” Vander stammered.

“Totally,” the man said. “Here, I’ll go grab it.”

A free power strip? On day one? Vander had a feeling he was going to like being a werewolf hunter!