Too late It’s over

2-Pack: Men's Members Only Cotton Jersey Jogger or Lounge Pants

Great for weddings!
Jk, they’re some basic, super cozy, super comfy lounge pants and joggers
No jogging required
Do they celebrate Pokemon but in a terrifying way: Nope, so if that’s what you’re looking for, maybe head over to Mediocritee

see more product specs

Your Not-Going-Anywhere Pants

New year, new you?

Lol!

Like, look: we get it. It’s only natural to want to make some wholesale changes to your life after you come off of a couple super indulgent months, cooking whole-ass turkeys and big hams and prime rib and a whole bunch of sides where you start with a healthy vegetable and then cook it in bacon fat and cream or whatever. Which is to say nothing about the pies and the drinks and the sugar cookies and the–

Okay, okay, we’ll stop listing all the gut bomb items you’ve spent 60ish days consuming because there’s a chance just reading all that garbage will give you some psychosomatic gastric distress.

But painting the holidays as a time of luxury and indulgence is also a bit misleading. It’s not like you’re sitting on a chaise lounge being fanned with palm fronds as a team of helpers makes sure your mug of egg nog is always full. No, there’s WORK involved. There’s familial stress. There’s travel stress.

So it can be annoying when the calendar turns over, and a bunch of health and fitness gurus (who probably earn, like, 98% of their annual income the first week of January) say, “Okay, lazy bones! It’s time to get MOVING!” it’s like, What? Excuse me?! You think I haven’t been moving? You think I didn’t get enough steps in going from counter to counter trying to figure out how to get home after my flight was canceled? You think I didn’t burn enough calories hauling ass through the grocery store stocking up on essentials before a blizzard so that we’d have everything we need for a classic Christmas dinner even if we were snowed in?! YOU WANT ME TO GET MOVING?!?!?!

That’s why we’re not selling some barbells or diet shit today. We’re selling lounge pants and joggers. Aka, the official uniform of chilling the fuck out. Because the new you, whoever the hell they are? They can wait. What you need now is to put on some cozy pants, pour yourself a nice cup of stomach-soothing tea, get a good book, and relax.

Or, to put it differently, before you start that couch-to-5k program, we encourage you to really focus on getting to know the couch.

So get your lounge pants or joggers and resolve to work on that resolution later.