Not So Well Founded

At every chili cook-out there’s that one entry: the spice-lord’s. We’re not talking a little tingle of heat that dances at the back of your tongue or even something super shot yet crave-able. We’re talking a bunch of beef that’s been slow-cooked in a sauce made of pure capsaicin. No nuance. No subtlety. A total palate-buster that would only be enjoyed by someone whose personality is equally lacking in nuance or subtlety.

And in the figurative chili cook-off of celebrity, Logan Paul is the equivalent of this chili.

As legend goes, some years ago, an untrained yellow lab ran off into the woods and met a magical old man willing to grant three wishes. The dog’s first was to be turned into a real boy. His second was to have muscles. And his third was to be famous.

“For what?” the old man asked.

The dog-turned-boy cocked his head askew, a mannerism that betrayed his canine origins. “I don’t understand the question,” he said.

“Well, usually people want to be famous for a particular skill or ability, something truly unique and interesting or outstanding,” the old man explained.

But the dog-turned-boy just shook his head. “Just fame without any reason for me, thanks,” he said.

And in this way, Logan Paul entered the world and gained an immediate following among a depressingly large contingent of society’s stupidest people. Have you ever thought Dave Portnoy is a bit too intellectual? Do you think Cards Against Humanity would be fun if only the rules weren’t so complicated? Are you undaunted by an extensive ‘controversies’ tab on Wikipedia? If you answered ‘yes’ to any or all of the above questions, then, oh boy, do we have a YouTube personality for you!

But Logan Paul is more than that, really. He’s also a podcaster, which is great news if you’re looking for something to listen to between episodes of the show from the British child in “Charlie Bit Me.” And he fights (but maybe not very well) and sells hydration products (definitely not very well).

We say this last bit because some of them have shown up here on Meh. Like these things.

Now, if you’re electrolyte-curious but don’t want to support Mr. Paul, we have great news. According to @troy last time we sold this stuff:

I assure you, Logan Paul receives no financial support as a direct result of this sale. This was unloaded by a closeout food distributor who purchased at a closeout price. Prime already got their cut - If we didn’t buy them, some other grocery store (or Martie.com) would have. Worst case they’re thrown out, and that seems pretty wasteful and unnecessary.

If you still don’t want them, that’s fine. But we are offering the rare opportunity to buy a Prime hydration product while simultaneously enjoying the schadenfreude of seeing the Paul brand take a loss.

It’s up to you, really.

Oh, and if you bought some last time, let them know how they taste in the comments.