







TYLT 24oz Power Bottle 2.0 with Wireless Charging Power Bank
- The bottle keeps drinks hot or cold for 12 hours
- The bottom is 5700mAh power bank
- Use the USB port on the side (USB-C cable included) or unscrew it and use as a Qi wireless charging pad
- Can it make a margarita: No, but it can hold a margarita, and then it can charge your phone for whatever terrible margarita-induced texts you want to send!
Stay Thirsty
Is this seat free? I’ll take your silence and continued forward-facing attention as a ‘yes.’ Wonderful! I shall fill it then!
But don’t worry, I shan’t be bothering you. No, no, you see I shall spend the duration of this commute quenching my thirst. And in more ways than one, no less!
Do not be concerned. You have raised no issue, nor has your expression changed in the least, but I understand that it could be concerning to hear someone–a total stranger!–discussing the quenching of thirsts beyond the literal sense. And mind you, that is one of the two ways in which I will quench my thirst: by drinking water from this 24-ounce water bottle. I filled it with ice-cold water 11 hours ago, which means I have but one more hour to enjoy its coolness, such is the wonder this vessel is capable of! 12 hours of keeping cold drinks cold and hot drinks hot!
I can tell you’re too astounded by this information to vocalize even a syllable. I dare say, this does not bode well for what I’m about to tell you next, which is to share how this water bottle will help me quench my thirst in a secondary sense, and that sense being: my thirst for knowledge!
For, you see, I have in this pocket my phone. And I have on that phone an ebook reader app. And I have on that ebook reader app many, many books. Books innumerable! Or, like, I think twenty at present. All nonfiction! All full of information! Facts innumerable! That’s what I meant to say before, and I appreciate your lack of judgment, or any reaction at all, to my faux pas just a moment ago when using the word ‘innumerable’ to describe something very numerable.
Yet, my phone? The battery icon at the top of its screen foretells a small tragedy about to play out in this seat next to you. Because, that battery icon? It is not full. In fact, it appears mostly empty aside from one tiny sliver of red. Meaning I, a man with the noblest of goals, to turn a bus ride into an opportunity for learning, will see said noble goals go up in smoke.
Except, huzzah! What is this that unscrews from the bottom of my bottle but a power bank! The ride is saved! Moreover, the day is saved! Some might even say the world is–
Oh, sorry. You’ve been wearing earbuds this whole time? Under your beanie? My apologies. What was I saying? Oh, nothing at all. Please, enjoy your podcast. I’ll just be over here, hydrating and reading.