“This year’s Holiday Season has more whine than California.”
Another year, another Pandemic. Daddy, is Santa real?
Honey, I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but grandma got run over by a reindeer
“I know it’s month end, but my aging mother needs me to return to my hick-hometown to help her put up her kitschy Christmas decorations”
“Mark my words: every game that comes out from now until the end of time will also come out on the Ouya. That thing’s written in Sharpie on the bathroom wall of history!”
No Christmas this year, kids. Santa has covid-19.
@rockblossom and then you take Santa’s place to deliver all the presents??
@RiotDemon Nope. I don’t do chimneys. But there’s a company with a warehouse full of mini-drones …
“Always jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.”
“but no one has to know I’m a princess!”
I think my 350lb bald white dude disguise is working.
I wonder what percentage of people picking that option are male.
My grandma died of cancer, but the doctors listed it as Covid-19. I’m off to the hospital to set them straight.
“… and this equation proves that Santa Claus would burn up in the atmosphere a mere 1.628 seconds after he took to the sky, at the speed he would need to maintain to deliver one toy to every child on the planet!”
@PocketBrain did you watch Christmas Chronicles? They explain EVERYTHING
@tinamarie1974 Hogwash! Humbug!! Halitosis!!!
The decorations and lights are stunning. The wedding will be beautiful! Elf face masks for the Bride and her side. Santa masks for the Groom and his side.
“Where the hell am I? Who the hell are you people? Why am I wearing this reindeer suit?”
@Pony from the horror classic, The Human Reindeerpede.
Hi - I just came in from the coast, where my business has been shuttered and my heart had been shattered. Can you direct me to the local face mask emporium?
Alexa, what happened to all my freakin’ elves?
Everybody gets TP 🧻 for Christmas this year!
Marley was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that.
“I’m so sorry! Was that your dog? He came out of nowhere!”
“Yippee ki-yay, merry revelers!”
“Hey, if I divorce my mom’s sister, are our kids still their own cousins?”
I know this stepladder says not to stand on the very top, but it will only be for a sec…