The Worst Ever Test Teas Tuesday
12Inb4 @riskybryzness tries to say that today’s tea was good.
I have sources to back me up that it wasn’t.
About Tazo’s Wild Apple Sarsaparilla, our testers had the following to say:
@halfling said:
@burgess42 said:
@ChaseCor said:
Finally, I said:
- 15 comments, 29 replies
- Comment
I guess some people didn’t like them apples.
Once upon a time I was forced to smell this tea and it was like I was taken to a mystical place where gumdrops fell from the sky, candy cane trees and cotton candy shrubs grew fervently next to hot cocoa rivers. But in a musty, dilapidated warehouse, down a dry, dusty road 3 miles from that river lie a horse wearing a top hat, spats jokingly tied around his hooves and monocle. Dead. The straw used as a bed in its makeshift, very ironic funeral was bagged and sold by the giant tea corporation. May imbibing this sacred brew bring you more luck than Baron Von Trottenheim.
Damn, it smells *slightly off.
*Extra generous qualification.
Mediocre Civil War. The Dallas Tea Party.
Well, you’ve convinced me.
@Barney This is ominous
This is the cilantro of tea.
I liked the smell. It’s a bit medicinal but it smelled sweet/spicy.
The taste though–if it didn’t taste like someone put fake sugar in it, I would have loved it.
It’s not terrible.
It’s not the best.
Some might say it’s…mediocre.
This is the one tea so far that has drawn a line between everyone.
@moose "Smell: like a half-forgotten memory - or was it a dream? - from a Christmas long ago. A warm fire burns as the radio plays a merry chorus. You’re old enough to know that times will never be like this again, but these worries are hidden, blanketed over like so many feet of snow falling outside the window.
Taste: You’re older now. You’re not traveling this holiday, perhaps a phone call home will suffice. The season just doesn’t fill you with the same joy that it once did. Was it only the innocence of youth, or was there truly something magic that you’ve lost touch with? You open a drawer in your desk and reach for your old yo-yo. Maybe there’s still some of that magic in here…
Look: Brown."
@nommynoms is insane but: “Smell - 10 - this smelled like Cinnamon Apple Oatmeal (the hill I will die on)
Look - Tea
Taste - 7 - Small sip was bitter. Big sip was unsweet Cinnamon Apple Oatmeal”
@riskybryzness Now I want to try some.
This tea was fine and everyone is being babies.
This is the content I keep coming back for haha
WHOA WHOA
Include both sides of this argument.
@nommynoms cool your jets. I was trying to beat @riskybryzness into the forums.
@Cythwulf @riskybryzness Sounds like you should have cooled your jets and waited
So this would make a good gag gift?
@rockblossom Potentially, yes.
@rockblossom if you want the recipient to suffer, absolutely.
@riskybryzness I finally found the ingredients list:
I think I would prefer mine without the licorice, which is a decidedly odd ingredient for sarsaparilla.
@riskybryzness @rockblossom I’ve never had sarsaparilla, but licorice root tea can be very nice, though it needs a long steep time. And pregnant women shouldn’t drink it.
@Limewater @riskybryzness Licorice, like cilantro, depends on what the tastebud lottery gave you. Both have highly unpleasant taste/smell to those with the
rightwrong allotment of tastebuds. To me, cilantro smells fine but tastes like soap. Licorice just smells like vomit. The only time I tasted it (by accident) it tasted like something rotten. So I’ll take your word for it that it tastes good to you, but I’ll give the tea a hard pass.@riskybryzness @rockblossom For what it’s worth, I don’t think licorice root tea tastes anything like licorice candy. But I only tried the tea because I enjoy licorice candy.
This isn’t a recommendation that you try the tea. I just thought it was worth mentioning.
@Limewater Oh, and - sarsaparilla root is the “root” in root beer. If you cooled down sarsaparilla tea and added sugar, vanilla, and carbonation, you would have a generic root beer.
@Cythwulf @rockblossom huh? When do you not want them to?
Perhaps y’all should keep some Arizona Ice-T around for backup.
@mike808 I assume she’s Arizona. You can keep ice t. Nothing against him but
@unksol - Arizona is against him, though it looks like she’s shying away just slightly.
I wonder how the teas I bought this past weekend would fare. I mean, you know that it must be some really top grade
ABCD stuff to be selling at$0.994/$0.99 a box.@narfcake I mean, some of the best tea I’ve had has been the cheapest. Drop a couple names, I can see if we can find it locally!
@riskybryzness One of the reviews [here](https://smile amazon.com/Tea-Land-Garden-Fresh-Variety/dp/B014G9DI8G) sums it up.
At 4/0.99 … I might be getting my money’s worth?
Don’t count on it
/8ball
{Edit: gave up trying to fix the link.}
@riskybryzness I used two bags. It’s still weak!
Those are the funniest reviews. I hate licorice and anything licorice flavored. I bought two giant bags of jelly beans recently when the local groc store put them on clearance. Husband hates licorice so much he wouldn’t eat any of the dark ones for fear of getting another. The package had chocolate, coffee, and a few other really dark ones (dk blue, dk red, etc). He left the white (hates coconut enough to not risk getting one) and dark. So I would take each really dark one, smash it, and sniff it. Threw away the licorice. Lol
@ivannabc I do the same thing for Jelly bellies. Smash the black ones and sniff. Licorice --> trash
@ivannabc @mml666 oh man, I’d take all your black ones (assuming they’re decent). Not a big fan of the generic, bulk food jelly beans, but jelly bellys or similar make great licorice. We get black licorice gummy Scotty dogs from Amazon (all natural, from Gimbal’s). Awesome!
MEALS! DEALS! EELS! AWESOME!
@ivannabc @ybmuG …Just send your self addressed, stamped envelope to…
This one is a definite no. Ick. Licorice tea? Eeew. I don’t think I could drink it even to be polite from the reviews.
Black licorice is awful. Red is sometimes edible but why when there are good things to eat?
@speediedelivery Black licorice is redundant.
There is no red licorice.
But licorice tea doesn’t really taste like what you’re thinking, imo. I’m not telling you to try it, but it didn’t taste like I expected.
@Limewater The stuff I am thinking of is waxy in black or red colors. The smell of the black is leave the room bad. Red usually has a fake cherry or strawberry smell that I don’t like but is tolerable.
@speediedelivery Yeah, that red stuff is not licorice. It’s candy. It’s alright. But it’s not licorice.
I’m just going to plug one of my favorite teas then.
https://www.svtea.com/Violet-Black-Tea/productinfo/T0658/
@paulg1982 That sounds good! I tried to order a three dollar sample and shipping was over $7. Oh well.
@sammydog01 Yeah, to be honest, I ordered mine from amazon which has cheaper shipping.
I don’t plan on ordering $50 worth of tea any time for the free shipping any time soon, but I don’t want to get it from Amazon either. So I guess I’ll wait until I decide to buy a ton of tea. So 2021 maybe?
@paulg1982 I haven’t heard of this place! Thanks for dropping a link, we’ll have to check it out!
Meh sells tea?
@paulg1982 - Meh tastes tea, down by the tea store.