It's Gonna Be May (May 2019 Scapegoat Blame Thread)
19Congoatulations @TheFLP! )(Who’s been delaying the inevitable for a few months now.)
Regardless of how many thumbs you may or may not possess, you can now point them at yourself whenever someone asks “Who’s fault is this?” for the next 31 days.
- 67 comments, 253 replies
- Comment
This is your Goat.
You will curse it for all the wrongs in this world.
Every injustice. Every reproach. Every failure of will.
But the Goat consumes it all … and grows stronger. You blame the Goat, thinking it will free you, but it only clears the way for more disappointments.
Look into its eyes, for this is how the world ends:
There is no future, only a howling void — and the Goat.
Enjoy.
Also, if I blow my meh-button streak before this month is out, armageddon will just be a warm-up.
No way I’m gonna end up like @jst1ofknd.
@TheFLP
Gee thanks for reminding me of my past grief and shame…
@jst1ofknd
Happy to be of service.
(You are more than halfway on the road to a comeback.)
@TheFLP
You seem to be a very proper sort of Void-Goat. Congrats!
/giphy void
BLAME - got about a zillion reasons…not worth mentioning them all. Doesn’t matter because it is @TheFLP’s fault any way you look at it.
Edit: First!
Blame!!!
Me: Alexa, add BOAT plug to list.
Alexa: I have added BUTT plug to your shopping list!
Unblame: My Alexa is a dirty girl (she’s hot)
Also, does this mean I will be seeing butt plugs as recommended items on my Amazon page now!?
@mfladd I had no idea Alexa carried boat plugs.
@mfladd
There are no boats here. Boats would lead you to believe that it’s possible to escape from your misery. (Spoiler: it’s not possible.)
Butts are allowed because they don’t share that disadvantage. So feel free to plug them at will.
@mfladd i bet you start getting recommendations for more than butt plugs. Lol
@mfladd pfft. You totally wanted a butt plug.
@mfladd
Everytime I see the “sammydog01’s Livenation plug” thread, my brain keeps inserting “butt.”
I want to blame you (and Alexa) for that, but then I remember I’m the Goat.
So … blame. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@mfladd
Probably because boat plug is kinda vague.
Also try defender for boat stuff often cheaper
You could have wanted
A basic plug
https://www.defender.com/product3.jsp?path=-1|215570|294|2345903&id=166797
Something with more flair
https://www.defender.com/product3.jsp?path=-1|215570|294|2345903&id=166797
Perhaps something that locks in place
https://www.defender.com/product3.jsp?path=-1|328|2289986|2289944|2289946&id=1449992
Or my favourite a combo of soft and metal with a snapping handle
https://www.defender.com/product3.jsp?path=-1|619045|1970780&id=3934616
@CaptAmehrican Do you have a favorite site (the best deal) for buying outboard motor parts?
@mfladd whats wrong with the motor? What type of motor?
@CaptAmehrican A 1989 evinrude 15hp. I just need to pick up some missing or new parts - a bolt, choke grommet, impeller, etc. No marine stores around here carry them. Have you ever dealt with Crowley Marine online? They seem to have the best prices and shipping costs that I have found.
@CaptAmehrican @mfladd
I dunno, those butt plugs look pretty uncomfortable.
@CaptAmehrican @mfladd Do you have the socket tools you need?
SOCKET POPPIT STAHPIT
@CaptAmehrican @therealjrn lol…yes. Socket is a thing now?
@mfladd crowley is awesome. They take great care of you. Online or you can just call them. They tend to send out within 24 hr and are very reasonably priced.
WORKER BEES! HERCULES! TURKEY GREASE! AWESOME!
Blame: Still struggling with getting his school to comply with my kid’s homework assignment accommodations.
Unblame: He just scored a 35 on the ACT.
@compunaut nice!
/giphy smartypants
@therealjrn There is something really hot about her! Love that hair color too.
So the College Board who oversees SATs and AP exams has accomodations for kids with physical or mental issues. That’s great for kids with handicaps or learning disabilities.
It’s also great for snowplow parents who take their 15 year olds from doctor to doctor to get a diagnosis of a learning disability or anxiety disorder just to get extra time on the tests.
It sucks for my kid who broke his wrist, had surgery, and has a cast on his writing hand from elbow to fingers with his thumb immobilized. Because they refused a scribe and extra time on his AP microeconomics test even though he can’t hold a pencil and has to do calculations and draw graphs.
Fuck people.
@sammydog01
In the Goat Void, everyone is fucked.
@sammydog01
I don’t know what the rules are anymore, let alone for the subject-specific tests.
Can you all have the scoring of that test cancelled, think of it as a practice test, and then have him re-take later when his arm is healed and functioning, and he’s no longer in pain?
He may do fine anyway but … Far from ideal setup this time around.
I’m a little surprised they didn’t try to accommodate.
@sammydog01 There is no appeal process? What does his school counselor say?
@sammydog01 I’d call corporate and make a stink
https://about.collegeboard.org/region-offices
and this is the dude you want to talk to:
https://about.collegeboard.org/leadership/peter-schwartz
Looks like the general corporate number is 1-212-713-8000
@Barney @f00l He skipped the first exam and is planning on taking the makeup exam next week. We filed an appeal. His econ teacher says either way he has a good topic for college essays. He was offered a computer to type and large size multiple choice boxes but the graphs and calculations are going to be a problem. And no extra time.
@Kidsandliz The school is in charge of that- I’m pretty sure calling would make things work. I bet they’re used to angry calls.
@sammydog01 Make sure you take pictures of his hand/arm for proof of his injuries, in case you need it.
@Barney We had to turn those in already along with a very long doctor’s note.
@Barney @sammydog01
If he is still subject to arm fatigue or arm/hands disability, or is in chronic pain or discomfort, is it a good time for him to do this test?
Is a week sufficient?
Blame: I went to my family bbq yesterday and when I got to the front of the food line there were no hot dogs, hamburgers, pork steaks, etc to be found. The host decided to make Sloppy Joe meat instead…WTF! Now I am craving a good charcoal grilled hamburger.
Edit: I was going to say craving a big piece of meat but figured I should be specific with this group
@tinamarie1974 Just cooked up a skirt steak and some morels from Dierbergs that were just picked with all the rain we have around here (season is running late with the ahem climate change ahem going on).
Fricking delicious.
/image morel mushroom
@mike808 I love Dierbergs!
/giphy jealous
@tinamarie1974 Sam and Cat gif!
@mfladd huh?
@tinamarie1974 I guess only those with young kids would know it - Disney channel show. It starred Ariana Grande as Cat - back before she was a recording star and licking donuts.
@mfladd I had no idea. My niece isn’t quite old enough for non-cartoons
@tinamarie1974 I am not sure if they are still show reruns. This was a number of years ago as you can see by how young Ariana was.
Blame for the 7 day calendar click waiting period…blame transfers…
@amehzinggrace
How many more days do you got?
@TheFLP 4…unless i screw up…and that happens on weekends…
@amehzinggrace
Then by my calculations you have a 51% chance of seeing them again before May 23, 2028.
Thank you and have a miserable day.
@amehzinggrace I actually think that a seven day waiting period and background checks are a reasonable measure.
@JnKL to hang out here…yeah…maybe you need to submit that app again…lets vet you thoroughly to push a button
Blame. I’m bored.
/giphy I’m bored
@eonfifty
In the Goat Void, there are no rubber bands to alleviate your boredom.
Or much of anything else, really. You’re on your own.
Blame: because I am trying to watch the hockey game and the weather guy keeps interrupting the feed to talk about severe thunderstorms, tornadoes, etc.
@tinamarie1974 You must be East of Oklahoma.
@therealjrn
/giphy Missouri
@tinamarie1974 If you get what we got, settle in for a long night.
@therealjrn that is what the weather man says. There have been a few tornados close by, I just don’t want it to interrupt the hockey game.
I can tell you I was watching the storm roll in on my back porch and saw the creepiest clouds ever. It was still, quiet and the clouds seemed to crawl and bloom.
@therealjrn @tinamarie1974 Tune a radio to 1120 (KMOX) to listen to the live broadcast.
Next year, they switch to ESPN 101.1 FM.
@mike808 @therealjrn oh my gosh they won’t use KMOX next year? It has been on 1120 as far back as I can remember.
Thank goodness they stopped breaking in and disturbing the game. GoaT must have finally done something right!
@mike808 @therealjrn and as I hit “say it” I lost my signal!
/giphy WTH
@tinamarie1974
That’s how WE do it too! It’s fascinating watching them roll in.
@tinamarie1974
DAMMIT TO HELL!
@therealjrn it is back, thank the hockey gods
@therealjrn I love it, it is always quiet and the atmosphere feels electric. I live on top of a hill (foothills of the ozark mts) so i can really watch the storm roll in.
Blame: because I took a day off work to see Endgame and I could not go because work emergencies
/giphy WTF
@tinamarie1974 Want me to tell you how it ends?
@sammydog01 nnnooooooooo. Sadily I am really only worried about Groot. For some reason I was so sad/pissed when they killed him off. I want to see what happens. No spoilers, hoping to make it this weekend
@tinamarie1974 Make sure to buy popcorn- it’s looong.
@sammydog01 popcorn but no soda…it needs an intermission
/giphy holding it
@sammydog01 @tinamarie1974
@mike808 @sammydog01 oh that is just NOT right. Poor Groot!
Unblame: I am sitting in the theatre waiting for Endgame to start. Have a reasonable sized popcorn and the smallest soda available. Bring it on!!!
Extra bonus, nice preview of the new Star Wars movie. Looks a-meh-zing!!!
Blame - I almost forgot to click!!!
Unblame - Thing here (Tigger) was hiding from the roach he eventually caught and killed. You can see him staring at it. What you can’t see is him wigging his butt (thus the box) while in the box ready to pounce. They are occasionally coming in under my apt door (so he hangs out there a lot waiting for a toy to enter) and from the holes in the wall under the sink (but where I can’t reach them to completely plug them) connected with plumbing and electrical stuff there.
He and feral kitty are my roach killing machines. They have learned not to eat them (each tried once and puked them up) but I guess they must make really fun toys and they are (here is where the unblame comes in) ruthless killers after torturing them for a while.
@Kidsandliz
Yay Tigger!
Blame. “I” broke my click streak on the toothbrushes. I did click the meh button because I remember seeing that click face, but it was probably a computer error from the addition of the new add topic button.
/giphy stoopid button
@TheFLP
Hey Goat
Gotta hold you responsible for this:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.newsweek.com/chuck-norris-5k-brings-out-5000-chuck-norris-look-likes-high-five-him-finish-1415279%3Famp=1
@f00l
That’s sounds like too much fun for a blame, and I’m not even a Chuck Norris fan. But I’ll take it anyway.
@TheFLP
Some of the 1st Annual Chuck Norris 5k participants, many wearing silly fake beards:
Held at the George H W Bush Presidential Library in College Station, TX.
It does look like fun!
@Kidsandliz aawww so cute
@Kidsandliz @tinamarie1974
But will it take the blame?
@TheFLP No.That is your job.
@Kidsandliz
A goat that will never take the blame at any time in the future is not a useful goat.
/giphy “Monday void”
@f00l
The Monday Void claimed our cloud-based accounting software shortly after I walked in the door. I’ll take the blame for that, no problem.
Eventually, word came that it’s down until 8:30 tomorrow morning, so when I ran out of things to do that don’t need the software, I went home.
Not just our firm — it went down nationwide. A truly industrial-strength Goat Void.
If it’s not up by then, we’re gonna have to call it the Tuesday Void…
@f00l
So. The Goat Void has claimed another day of accounting work worldwide, and now they’re telling us to check back at like 4:30 tomorrow afternoon.
At least it didn’t happen during tax season, but Jesus.
Word has trickled out that they “found malware,” but that could mean anything from the relatively benign (cryptocurrency mining) to the apocalyptic (ransomware, and the backup is hosed).
I picked a helluva time to be goat — I mean, how often does the goat have something this big to blame itself for?
And it’s only the 7th…
/giphy goat void apocalypse
@TheFLP
I hold you responsible for Florida.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/beta.washingtonpost.com/science/2019/05/07/florida-woman-pulls-alligator-her-yoga-pants-during-traffic-stop/%3FoutputType=amp
@f00l
Florida is self-voiding — it doesn’t need any help from the Goat Void.
/giphy self-voiding
@TheFLP
At least she wasn’t wearing hot pants.
/giphy Florida Gators
@theflp had to get up extra early today for a team meeting that started at 5:30 am.
/giphy so tired
@tinamarie1974
@mfladd awww thanks, but that may put me to sleep. I can hardly keep my eyes open! Might need to find time for a nap this afternoon as I have the Cher concert tonight!
/giphy sleeping
@tinamarie1974
@mfladd I wish
@tinamarie1974
@mfladd i think that sloth is suffocating the cat!
but I did get to close my eyes for about 45 minutes. It wss really just a tease!
@mfladd @tinamarie1974
There are no sloths in the Goat Void either. You’re gonna cuddle up with a Metal Goat, and you’ll like it.
@mfladd @TheFLP nnnooo I will cuddle w this guy and he will like it!
@mfladd @TheFLP @tinamarie1974 blame, cuz that’s totally a sheep.
@RiotDemon @TheFLP Oops!
@mfladd @RiotDemon @tinamarie1974
Damn you Google for lying to me.
UNBLAME - someone took care of my cats for me at her house while I made a trip to the Cleveland Clinic
BLAME - some of her cats were sick and she put the stuff from them she needed to wash in with my cats (they were in the large laundry room). Now I have 3 sick cats and likely the last two coming down with it too. Sigh.
UNBLAME - the vet told me if the other two get sick she won’t charge me per cat for an office visit, instead I can just pick up the meds. Umm yeah I am sure I have paid her rent for the month with the number of times I’ve had cats at the vet in the last month or so thus that is a BLAME.
Unblame: The Blues defeated the Sharks to tie the series at one apiece
@mfladd giddy-up cowboy
@tinamarie1974
Calling @OldCatLady?
@f00l @OldCatLady Oh, I should have tagged you two, sorry about that!
@f00l @OldCatLady @tinamarie1974
Uh… Did you not first look at the very first vote on your little star for that image? Trust me, it was noticed. Yeah, I was the second. :-}
@f00l @OldCatLady @Shrdlu gee I just thought y’all were Blues fans
@OldCatLady @Shrdlu @tinamarie1974
Sometimes look at votes. Sometimes not.
/giphy oops!
@tinamarie1974 Glad the Blues are getting their act together! Bruins play tonight.
Giddy up!
@mfladd i am watching it! It’s on like Donkey Kong
/giphy donky kong
HEY GOAT! @f00l ALMOST FORGOT TO CLICK THE FACE THING!!!
@therealjrn
That’s right.
I’m speshul that way.
/giphy speshul
Blame: because work and inconsiderate, rude people
@tinamarie1974 OMG, I work with the same people!!!
@JnKL @tinamarie1974
In the Goat Void, the exploding heads aren’t anywhere near that photogenic. Just FYI.
No blame
Taken just before sunset. Perhaps that’s why it looks a bit yellow overall? I never learned how to do color filters while using my phone camera.
Lazy brain strikes again.
Blame!!! I told Alexa to play songs by Ruella while kids were eating lunch.
This is what came on!!! I’m serious! lol
I linked it due to questionable content (animated nudity) here.
The kids thought it was entertaining
Guess what they will be sharing in school.
Well – answer the question, @mfladd. Alexa and @tinamarie1974 want to know. (You made me giggle.)
@Barney @mfladd So my dad taught me that song as a kid but it was about EARS!!
@mfladd, @barney posed a good question, what’s the verdict?
@mfladd @tinamarie1974 Yep, “ears” is the way I learned it, too, from my dad.
We are waiting, @mfladd.
@Barney @mfladd i was thinking. We need a follow up question. What types of things do you talk to Alexa about if she tries to order butt plugs for you and plays THAT song???
@tinamarie1974 Don’t blame @mfladd for his, uh, indiscretions, he’s lonely.
@tinamarie1974 When’s the next hockey game?
Do you know that my Google phone is now sending me score updates on the Blues? I have no idea why it started doing this except for me reading about you and your obsession here in the forum.
@Barney @mfladd next game for me is tomorrow. @mfladd’s team has already wrapped up their series.
Sorry about your phone but you are lucky those are the only updates you are getting. Lol.
@tinamarie1974 Yeah, it’s just the Blues. Maybe that’s why they call it a smartphone.
@Barney @mfladd @tinamarie1974
Do you think maybe Alexa is tired of doing stuff for you?
@TheFLP Good point, Alexa could be tired. @mfladd might have to switch over to Google Assistant.
@Barney @mfladd @TheFLP but then what would show up on your phone!!!
@TheFLP @tinamarie1974 I wonder how long it would take @mfladd to wear out Google Assistant?
@mfladd
Amazon and Alexa thank you for all the extra highly personal data you are giving them.
That song was your “thank you prize”!
@Barney @mfladd @TheFLP I guess it depends on how “lonley” he is these days.
@Barney @TheFLP @tinamarie1974 I was going to say it depended on the temperature of the water.
@tinamarie1974 @Barney, Go Bruins!!!
@Barney @mfladd
GO BLUES!!!
@Barney @mfladd @tinamarie1974 aww, RIP grumpy cat.
@Barney @mfladd @therealjrn that is why I picked that meme. It was a homage to grumpy cat!!
@mfladd
FINALLY, we agree about something. I like the Bruins, too. Go UCLA!
Unblame: I have a vacation day tomorrow making this a 4 day weekend WOO HOO!!! maybe I can get Endgame on my schedule at some point.
Since we haven’t had any blame/unblame since Thursday — sheesh, you people aren’t even trying — I’m going to give myself credit for the state finally finishing the repaving job they started in @#$% February.
They ripped up the northbound side of the highway, put up “rough road ahead” warning signs,
and then did nothing for three months while I had my brains rattled on the way home every damn night.
Then they showed up a couple of weeks ago to rip up the southbound side and repave it in short order. Northbound still unfinished, although they did smooth it over so it wasn’t like driving over gravel at 60 mph. But they couldn’t be bothered to finish the job until Thursday.
About goddamn time.
/Blame
The tornado sirens are going off AGAIN which means I get to stay up AGAIN.
@therealjrn
/giphy “disturbing goat tornado”
@therealjrn Are you OK? Please let us know. Tornados are scary.
@sammydog01 Aww, thanks for asking! Yes, very dramatic and exciting. We made it through, but some of South Tulsa had damage. Lots of power line transformers blowing up which make this terrible cool blue glow…my neighborhood was fairly well North of the action…I was sleeping this morning for the morning news, but I hear there was some wind damage.
I ordered from the ThinkGeek sale and missed the Star Trek sheets and duvet covers in twin XL which would have made my daughter’s social life next year at college. She would have been the most popular girl in the dorm. And only $7.50!
@sammydog01 I was sorta wanting the math clock…missed it…oh well…
@therealjrn Figuring out the time shouldn’t be that much work.
@sammydog01
Yep, lots of fine young men would have been interested in seeing your daughter’s sheets. But don’t give up hope, that could still happen.
@Barney I think that Star Trek sheets would make them run. Maybe I should find a set of Hello Kitty?
@Barney @sammydog01
@sammydog01 @therealjrn Lol.
Unblame! At the request of someone used to work with, I researched his ‘German’ immigrant grandmother. She was Hungarian, as were her parents. I gave him their names and POB as well, and finished with the information that she was labelled an ‘enemy alien’ in 1943, although she had been married to his American grandfather for 25 years at that point. It’s knocked a hole in his family story. I love doing that.
/giphy genealogy
Blame well because @mfladd successfully nominated me for June goat!
@tinamarie1974 He did? Hm, guess I better vote then.
@therealjrn vote for your second term???
@therealjrn @tinamarie1974 I didn’t nominate you this month, or last month. Are you a crazy GoaT?
@mfladd @therealjrn I believe it was TWO months ago in what I like to call your “Kinky Boots 2019” campaign
@therealjrn @tinamarie1974
@mfladd @therealjrn @tinamarie1974
The kinky boots thing was before my time, so don’t look at me.
But I will take the blame for @tinamarie1974’s impending and inescapable goat-dom.
Not that kind of “dom,” you perverts.
@TheFLP
@tinamarie1974
I think a Goat-dom makes a suitable follow-up to a Goat-doom.
It’s the First of May. [NSFW]
BLAME - yet another water main broke in this stupid hell hole of a city. And guess what - no water here. It’s been over two hours and the water department hasn’t even wandered by to see why no water on this block. I guess we’ll be 2-3 days without water (seems to take them that long to fix those kinds of problems around here) and then a boil water after that for 24 hours.
Unblame (sort of) in that I filled up 8 milk gallon containers with water over the last bunch of weeks so I can at least flush toilets and wash dishes.
Off to the grocery store in the morning to buy bottled water for the cats and me to drink - this part is a BLAME. Sigh.
@The FLP:
Blame!
(Not really!)
/giphy Willim Shatner
/youtube William Shatner Tambourine Man
BLAME (And another Florida blame as I see you already responsible for Florida)- and it actually would have looked worse had I not cleaned it all off 45 miles ago. I didn’t think to take a photo of the windshield which was as bad prior to cleaning it yet again. Love bugs mating…
@Kidsandliz omg
@tinamarie1974 At least they died happy.
@Kidsandliz
That’s why I try to avoid driving during peak bug hour in the summer, though it never gets that bad around here.
That picture reminds me of driving through the San Joaquin Valley with a friend of mine many years ago. I’m plotting out a trip out to see him this year — only my second visit in 20+ years — but I have no plans to drive through the Central Valley again.
@Kidsandliz @TheFLP Many years back, I drove through midges season in Oregon. I was still finding remnants of them in the engine bay several years later – and it wasn’t even as covered as this:
https://oregonencyclopedia.org/articles/klamath_midge/
@Kidsandliz @narfcake
Umm. I may be the Goat of Doom, but I don’t wanna be the doom of 10 million insects all at once. So maybe I’ll skip Oregon.
@therealjrn @tinamarie1974 we call 'em fuckbugs down here
Blame: it’s 2am. Why am I awake?
Additional blame: I saw this in a thrift store yesterday.
@narfcake Is that a Betamax? Sweet!
@therealjrn Snake was the first thought running through my mind when I saw it.
Still haven’t fallen back asleep. Extra extra blame.
@narfcake found myself awake @247 this morning. Managed to fall back asleep around 4ish. Damn goat.
@JnKL @narfcake
There is no sleep in the Goat Void.
The transmission went out on my parents’ car (2016 Chevy Cruze) while in the greater DSM metro (1 1/2 hours from home).
After eating lunch, we tried the car again and it would go into gear. We’re heading home and not stopping anywhere along the way. (So much for the planned visit to Sam’s Club.)
@msklzannie
Yes, if you stop it will surely fall into the Goat Void, possibly with everyone in it.
There are no repair shops in the Goat Void.
@msklzannie Well that sucks!
Hey @ACraigL!
Nice!
@f00l Thanks for noticing! Which of the 5 is your favorite?
@ACraigL @f00l I like the Grinch’s dog one.
@therealjrn It’s all about perspective, lol.
@f00l
This needs a link, doesn’t it?
https://mediocritee.com/
Buy, buy, buy, peeps!
/giphy buy
@ACraigL
/giphy “Definitive article”
In terms of the visual and composition lines, perhaps the Ocean Warrior.
In terms of overall visual impact (including colors), perhaps the Knight Slayer.
But I love them all. And so, damn you, I’m going to have to buy them all.
Overall, in terms of emotional thematic attachment, House Of York.
/image York Rose
I guess I like lost causes.
I’m gonna unblame myself because I figured out how to resubscribe to the thread.
But then I have to blame myself for accidentally unsubscribing in the first place.
I guess it’s a wash. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@TheFLP
/giphy wash!
@f00l
Are we sure that’s a real dog and not a muppet? (Not to be confused with Muppet the dog … well now we are confused, aren’t we? Fuck.)
… I’ve never imagined that a dog could be so blasé about baths that he’d offer to hold the loofah for you.
@TheFLP Or, as they say in Mehzzoorah, “warsh”.
@Daveinwarsh
Unblame: Blues win tonight in a great game! Let’s keep it up. LGB!!
@tinamarie1974 SweeeeeeeeT! One game closer to a Stanley Cup showdown!!!
@mfladd it will be EPIC
@f00l
Yay Hana! Maru is such a weirdo.
WHY?
@sammydog01
@sammydog01
Huh. “Marshmallow flavored cereal with marshmallows.” Why bother with the (marshmallow-flavored) nutritional stuff at all, Kellogg’s?
Can I request extra time to digest the blame for this?
Last call for blame, slackers!
Since the new GoaT has not been crowned, I’m sneaking in a few blames
Blame: Because I woke up with a headache that is headed towards full on migraine
Blame: Because I have been up since 7:00 am working on a ppt presentation for work. I have “wasted” my entire Saturday morning on work related BS.
Unblame: Because I FINALLY finished the presentation >75 slides
and can officially enjoy the rest of my day!
@tinamarie1974 Ask @oldcatlady how long a goatdom lasts sometimes…
@therealjrn @tinamarie1974
Good grief, I thought for sure I’d be Goat Emehritus by now. It’s bad enough that the world didn’t end at the stroke of midnight like it was supposed to — I’m in Goat overtime!
(In the Goat Void, it’s always midnight.)
Current temp reading 49F.
On May 10th? In TX? Really?
Hmmm. Bought today’s hat/gloves/scarf set jic it’s winter right now.
/giphy fierce-superficial-coal
@f00l We tied a 100-year-old record for low temperature in Tulsa this morning.Brrr.
@f00l @therealjrn
In the Goat Void, you are the sweater.
BLAME - I have to go back for another 900+ miles away set of doctor apts in July (what I am going home from now).
UNBLAME - I helped a couple locked out of their car who didn’t have a smart phone at a rest area (took about an hour until the locksmith showed up, had to charge the guy’s phone off my car - umm yeah I know if I only had a charging battery - well I do but the car is faster). Used my phone to look up numbers for them, and let the insurance company text to my phone to find their location… So when they finally drove off they tried to give me $40 as a thank you. I gave it back and told them to pay it forward that is what I was doing, no need to give me money. As they left they threw the money out the window at me and sped off. I was planning to spend the night in walmart’s parking lot. Might look for a cheap airbnb if there is one around here. Technically this walmart is posted but the online lure says they don’t actually enforce it if you are in a car and not obvious.
Blame. Calculating cost basis on monthly DRIPs for some accounts started by my parents 12 years ago. Apparently, the fund company prints the cost basis on the statements every month, but reports the basis as “unknown” - aka $0 - because they don’t track basis on any investments prior to 2014. Even though the total running basis is printed right on the statement.
Happy now, @TheFLP?
@mike808
Yes, they’re the scourge of my profession (accounting, not Doom Goating). Happy to oblige.
Blame: for the blues loss on Wed night
Blame: because I have had a headache for three days straight!
@tinamarie1974
I’m gonna say it was that exploding head image that done it, but I’ll take the blame as required by my contract.
In the Goat Void, all contracts are void. As is everything else.
@TheFLP
A little rain
Have seen perhaps 30-40 incidents of lightning. Much temp flooding.
For those to the east, happy anticipations!
@TheFLP
From Vice:
/giphy massive Planck constant blame!
@f00l WTF
@tinamarie1974
Ask no questions. It’s /giphy
/giphy “it’s Chinatown”
@f00l Sheldon would be pleased with this news.
@f00l
In the Goat Void, all units of measure equal one squirrel.
For some reason the reply button is being lazy (@TheFLP, your fault) so:
@sammydog01
Perhaps move to Scarsdale?
@f00l If you read the rest of that article you will see a kid with a broken hand that got a scribe which they denied to my kid. Fuckers. The cheaters ruin it for everyone else.
@f00l @sammydog01 Fuckers.
@sammydog01
I hope your family and your son don’t let this go.
At least most people won’t fake surgery and broken bones.
@f00l The make-up test is tomorrow- either they approve help tonight or they don’t. There is nothing else to do.
@sammydog01
Did they approve assistance?
(Or are they fuckers?)
@f00l They never even responded to the appeal, the fuckers. Plus they made him do his registration paperwork all over again in pencil with his left hand which took a half hour. So his hand was tired out even before he started. He did say he had enough time so I guess I can’t complain too much. I could just go to their competitors next time, oh wait they’re a monopoly.
I have a feeling they’re cracking down on extra time since the newspapers are calling them out and my kid got caught in the middle.
@f00l @sammydog01
In the Goat Void, the fuckers will fail along with the rest of us.
Since we are lacking new entries. I will unblame you for Halsey’s new music. I am digging her new Darkside!
@f00l - new music for ya.
@mfladd you missed mine above? I unblamed today!!
@tinamarie1974 I know. I was just following the GoaT’s post about the lack of them. The GoaT must be feeling unloved.
@mfladd oh well color me stupid!
/giphy missed that
Not a sheep.
@TheFLP Blame. This month’s goat has taken to self-blaming.
@TheFLP
/Blame
/giphy “disturbing goat”
@mike808
That was not a blame. I’m just pointing out to the audience that this — unlike last time — is a disturbing goat, and definitely not a sheep.
In the Goat Void, all the sheep are goats.
I was typing a response and my fingers slipped. Now the font is giant. It’s just on Meh. Can someone tell me how to fix it? I use Chrome if that matters. My mother would say the computer did it by itself but I’m pretty sure it was me.
@sammydog01 @Ruouttaurmind? @Dashcloud? Anyone? HELP!
@dashcloud @ruouttaurmind Never mind I fixed it myself.
My Goat-dom will be be complete if we all get wiped out by an asteroid on May 31, so keep an eye on the skies.
@TheFLP So you are planning to down in flames being blamed?
@TheFLP Perhaps if this happens and we all go to the void you will be in charge.
@TheFLP can’t type… meant to say so you are planning to go down in flames being blamed.
EDIT: which is your fault!
Blame I am still grading and won’t get it all done by midnight and then the micromanagers will ding my sorry ass. Of course they should have split the class in half since it is twice the size of the limit but I guess they didn’t want to pay me double. Considering I get paid less than what one student gets paid to take the class they are being really cheap. If I had a choice I’d thumb my nose at them but can’t afford to quit. BLAME!
/giphy final blame
Blame because the June blame thread doesn’t exist yet.
Also, my goat badge isn’t dead.
@TheFLP THE GOAT IS DEAD, LONG LIVE THE GOAT!
Blame for the poor performance of my team tonight…let’s hope they figure it out b4 the next game!
@tinamarie1974
They need to break multiple legs.
@TheFLP @tinamarie1974 Or use butt plugs.
@lseeber @TheFLP I think butt plugs is a better idea. If they don’t play better tomorrow, they get it again!! Maybe @mfladd can order some from his Alexa. I hear he has experience
@lseeber @TheFLP @tinamarie1974 I have them coming on Subscribe & Save
@TheFLP
It seems that @mfladd is the Subscribe And Save King Of Butt-Plugs!
Celebration!
(I can’t resist /giphy here)
/giphy “butt plug”
@f00l
Is that too raw?
@mediocrebot, Socket!
SOCKET POPPIT STAHPIT
@f00l @mediocrebot LOL That is awesome!
@tinamarie1974 thoughts?
EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!
@f00l @mfladd @tinamarie1974
@f00l @mediocrebot @mfladd it is only polite to swallow before you speak. Just sayin
@mediocrebot @mfladd @tinamarie1974
In every circumstance?
Hmmmm.
(Jus’ sayin’.
)
@f00l @flp @mfladd before I saw the video I thought OMG is that a giant pink butt plug!!!
@f00l @mediocrebot @mfladd I mean unless you like “spit”
@f00l @mediocrebot @tinamarie1974 I agree (with both - depends upon the situation)!
@f00l @tinamarie1974
@f00l @mfladd I guess you will never know…
@f00l @tinamarie1974
@mfladd
@f00l @mfladd
I am not that easy, Mr. “name here”
@f00l @mfladd is famous now. SNL just did a skit about his butt plugs. They vibrate, too.
@f00l @mfladd @OldCatLady omg I was just trying to find the clip!!! What do @mfladd and Sandler have in common Rectix butt plugs
@f00l @OldCatLady @tinamarie1974
Why would anyone even want a non-vibrating butt plug? Geesh!
@f00l @mfladd @OldCatLady SNL skit
@f00l @OldCatLady @tinamarie1974 Lol…
“Don’t put your mouth on that!”
@mfladd @OldCatLady @tinamarie1974
SNL skit embedded here, for convenience of we lazy types:
You guys can’t fool me. Keeping blame to yourself is just going to make it worse when the Goat Void swallows you, as it inevitably will.
@TheFLP
No blame
Blame: I don’t think the Blues showed up for tonight’s game against the sharks
@tinamarie1974 LGB - because I want a Stanley Cup with the Bruins vs Blues. Then the fun will really begin
@tinamarie1974
Goat Void. Totally.
@mfladd agree, that would be a wicked pisser! I know SSOOO many people in bean town…but WHAT would we bet???
/giphy idea
@TheFLP damn goat
@tinamarie1974
Pretty much.
@tinamarie1974 Ohhhhh, you know there would be wagering involved!
@mfladd like this?
@tinamarie1974 Let’s be a little more creative.
@mfladd oh I love that show! Guess you will have to show me how creative you are
@tinamarie1974 I saw the Blues had a tough day. The Bruins manhandled Carolina 6-2. Your team better step it up if we are going to have some fun.
@mfladd lets hope! Too much dump and chase and sloppy transitions. Lets hope they regroup before the game tomorrow!
Too much rain. Again.
Houston, much of which is like barely 22’ above sea level (and often feels like 22" above sea level), looks like this right now:
And like this in places:
(News photo)
@f00l @TheFLP
/giphy “watery void”
@f00l
Unfair competition with the Goat Void — which is perfectly dry, I’ll have you know. No climate change in the Void. And no weather, for that matter.
Weren’t you still drying out from last year?
@TheFLP
Don’t live there. Just popped in on a rainy day that followed many earlier rainy days, and is to be followed by many more rainy days.
And a watery void is just as void-like as any other kind of void, I’ll have you know.
On Sat several streets in DFW near creeks were also under water. It took me twice as long to get to my mechanic due to street flooding closures.
https://www-m.cnn.com/2019/05/11/us/houston-weather-saturday-wxc/index.html?r=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F
@f00l We’ve had some water problems in the land of Oz.
And our Turnpike (Interstate I-35) has been underwater just south of Wichita.
@Barney @f00l I’m not saying it’s been wet around here but…
@therealjrn I’m just getting ready to go to Mom’s house and do some underwater lawn mowing. Sounds like fun doesn’t it?
@Barney Mothers Day has been a little tough for me this year, stay steady, Barn.
@Barney @therealjrn
I have seen pix of the flooding in Kansas, Nebraska, Oklahoma.
Yeah too much rain in a place with ground already saturated …
But at least for most of Texas and points north, the Gulf of Mexico isn’t trying to do a real estate grab.
Houston OTOH … Is just too damned close to sea level.
From decades ago, I remember looking thru a few annuals for Rice University. All the pix seemed to include standing water in the ground.
My mom spent some time growing up in Houston. She told me, “Yes. Houston’s like that.”
Yesterday in Houston, the ground was puddles, and the air was either rain or fog. Varied from min to min.
/giphy water water everywhere
Show us pix of your underwater lawnmower!
@therealjrn We’ve almost made it through the day. I’ve been thinking about you.
@Barney @f00l @therealjrn oh no is @therealjrn flooded
@f00l The lawnmower is drying out at Mom’s. But mowing wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. My yard, however… I’ll see what I can do with it tomorrow.
@Barney {{{
}}}
@f00l Haven’t seen an underwater lawnmower HOWEVER… when I lived in Norman OK, I was driving south and nearly drove off the bridge laughing. There were working lawnmowers mowing the river bed.
@f00l @Kidsandliz doesn’t SpongeBob have one? Lol
OK, we’ve been here for almost two weeks.
Where the hell is @mike808? Does he really have no blames left to give after blaming the last two goats for not being me?
If you see him around, kindly squish his avocado.
@TheFLP
/giphy squished avocado
/ExtremeBlam . @TheFLP:
@f00l
Wait. You’re blaming goats on the Goat? Isn’t that redundant?
@TheFLP
Circularly blaming you for redundancy.
/giphy redundant
@f00l
Forget redundancy — that giphy isn’t even relevant.
@TheFLP
Irrelevancy is one of the great charms of /giphy.
Of course, I blame you for that.
/giphy irrelevant
It’s past 1am and I still couldn’t sleep. Blame!
@narfcake
I didn’t get to sleep until after 2am myself, but it was almost 5pm when I woke up, so…
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Blame: it’s past 1am again.
Blame #2: my meh button streak is at zero again.
Blame #3: I had to move to another hole in my belt earlier today. If this keeps up, I’m going to have to cut it shorter.
@narfcake
It’s a quarter to six and I’m still awake. Happy now?
All I can do for your non-streak is accept the blame.
@narfcake What you don’t want to loose weight? May I suggest chocolate and ice cream…
@Kidsandliz I was wondering if anyone was going to catch that! It’s really an unblame – until I actually need to go clothes shopping for non-catshirts.
I blame @TheFLP for not commenting on that aspect, which would have yielded to extra unblames instead.
@Kidsandliz @narfcake
Unblames aren’t gonna bring the Goat Apocalypse.
Besides: in the Goat Void, everyone is on a diet. No food!
@narfcake what is causing.yiu to lose sleep? You ok?
Blame Flame.
https://m.imgur.com/i4mCAf3