Back when I was the director of my elementary school playground’s confectionery weapons program (doesn’t matter where, but let’s just say it was a middle-east coast state), we experimented with very specific combinations of Jelly Bellies that wouldn’t just make you gag a little and pucker your lips like those “weird” Harry Potter-themed flavors, but would straight-up cause you to projectile-vomit.
We had to conduct our human trials in secret because of the nonproliferation agreements we signed at the dean’s office - an old coot whom we collectively came to refer to as “The Hag.” And while she usually lacked the enforcement authority to sanction us for anything we did, going to The Hag to face trial so often diminished our carefully-curated image of being upstanding members of the inter-school district community, so we had to keep things on the down-low. Fortunately, we had a stable supply of kindergartner Turds to use as test subjects.
And let me tell you, friends, the tests were a wild success. No one had any concrete evidence of what we achieved, but everyone kind of knew, to the extent that it could be said we even achieved confectionery parity with the Yeshiva across the street (although they still had an undisclosed amount of Extreme Sour Warheads that we couldn’t replicate with our limited allowance funding).
Some time later, we were invaded by the Spice Girl lollipop craze, and my program was ultimately shut down. Many years passed since then; now I live an unassuming, regular life, driving a Tonka Truck in Jersey. But every so often, my heartstrings are plucked by memories of my rock star-like fame as I made an entire sandbox’s worth of grade-schoolers freshly trained in the scientific method erupt in wild cheers of “dollar snackbar!” after one of my beautiful creations melted the face off of a Yankee-cap wearing first-grader.
Oh? You don’t believe me? Well, how about this: go acquire a popcorn and a sour apple Jelly Belly, pop those suckers into your mouth, and give them a few bites to start the reaction. This combination was just stage 1 of our flavor enrichment process. You won’t get them from today’s meh deal, so you’ll likely have to resort to the black market (one of those by-the-pound candy carts you can find inside your local mall). I’ll be waiting right here for your report.
no licorice flavor? what the fuck kind of travesty is this? everyone knows black jelly beans are the best jelly beans. just like everyone knows cereal is a soup and a hot dog is a sandwich.
@carl669 And anyone that believes pineapple on a pizza is blasphemous because fruit doesn’t belong on a pizza should be reminded that tomatoes are also a fruit.
@carl669 Ugh, my “friend” bought me a 5 lb bulk box of just licorice flavored Jelly Belly beans knowing full well I always picked them out. His shtick was that he saved them all up over the years and was returning them to their original owner.
@carl669 Really would if I could, this was two years ago. They went to a local charity for a “guess the number of beans” raffle thing. Then was dispersed in sandwich bags to those that wanted them. Heh
@carl669@russellmz is Avatar the movie where Kevin Kostner falls in love with the native american girl and then joins/fights for their tribe, etc. ? Or is it the one where ____ actor does the same thing in every other movie.
@carl669 do you mean black licorice ? I used to eat that just to gross my sister’s out. Did the weaponize that in the form of an even more disgusting bean?
@carl669 I can stomach it. For the good of sibling torture. Idk that I can ever say I enjoy it. Idk what ever happened to Grandma’s jar of actual black licorice. Id actually kind have liked to get that when she passed.
@jmhsrv@jml326@robson I don’t know how to comment here. I put in the image description “The PAIN of having my my shot at a full year. I just don’t care anymore. Life has no meaning.”
@heartny So what you’re saying is that the individual bags are worth paying $11.51 extra for 0.38 pounds less and fewer flavors? Wow, nice to be rich like you.
@cengland0@heartny It is cheaper in bulk, but these will be great for the Easter Egg Hunt, for which you can’t really buy in bulk and put loose in eggs. Today’s parents don’t really go for loose candy. (Nor I, honestly.)
@cengland0@heartny If you’re buying these for Easter treats, then the cello bag is a necessity. And if you’re giving them away, who cares about the flavors?
@cengland0 I’m not so sure $11.51 makes me rich, but it’s worth a bit extra to not have to buy and create individual bags in order to give them away to my co-workers. I used to buy these beans in bulk and leave them on my desk with a small scoop, but people inevitably used their fingers to go through the bag fishing for their favorites. Ewww.
We took all the flavors nobody really likes, threw them in single serving bags and threw them at whoever would take them!
Berry Blue, Cantaloupe, Cotton Candy, Island Punch, Sunkist Lemon, Lemon Lime, Pina Colada, Sunkist Pink Grapefruit, Sunkist Tangerine
@CosmicTwister I love belly flops. I usually find them at Big Lots. About $5 per bag. It’s been a while so I don’t remember if they are or 2lb bags. It’s a gerat variety, except for the cappucinno (or whatever coffee flavor it’s supposed to be) and licorice
@CosmicTwister@remo28 Thanks for cluing me into these. I found them at my local Big Lots today for $3.50 per 1-lb bag. And I nearly bought yesterday’s deal!
The boxes of little packs of jellybeans were nice, but Meh should get a bulk order of irregular Jelly Bellys for us, the less discerning mehtizens.
@cengland0 I don’t know. It doesn’t work on the buy screen either for me. I’ve since rethought my JellyBelly purchase. It’s not that great of assortment of flavors and my (m)ass isn’t getting any smaller these days.
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@dino2269 Don’t thank me, thank @Dave for fucking up a VMP hold-back sale a few days ago. It’s literally a 1 penny refund to appease us VMPs for the fuckup.
@therealjrn@dino2269 I have no idea what I fixed, but I just tested it and it’s now working. I’ve also changed the expiration date to work through March now.
Bought 2x 2 Boxes, about 5-1/4 pounds I guess? 2.4 kilos, 300 servings? But I LOVE these jelly beans! And there seem to be no weird flavors included? Bonus!
I don’t see it anywhere in the description, but if the packs that are in the photo are an accurate indication, these should be fresh through October 16, 2021. Who really knows, though.
@neko@stinks It didn’t close. They planned to, but didn’t. It’s their hometown where they started. I used to live in Wisconsin, and that was a place to go to stock up before there were Costco’s and Sam’s and BJ’s everywhere like today.
I’m wondering if this would be something worth getting to hand out for Halloween? Are they big enough to give without looking like a cheapskate, or would I have to give everyone multiple bags?
Back when I was the director of my elementary school playground’s confectionery weapons program (doesn’t matter where, but let’s just say it was a middle-east coast state), we experimented with very specific combinations of Jelly Bellies that wouldn’t just make you gag a little and pucker your lips like those “weird” Harry Potter-themed flavors, but would straight-up cause you to projectile-vomit.
We had to conduct our human trials in secret because of the nonproliferation agreements we signed at the dean’s office - an old coot whom we collectively came to refer to as “The Hag.” And while she usually lacked the enforcement authority to sanction us for anything we did, going to The Hag to face trial so often diminished our carefully-curated image of being upstanding members of the inter-school district community, so we had to keep things on the down-low. Fortunately, we had a stable supply of kindergartner Turds to use as test subjects.
And let me tell you, friends, the tests were a wild success. No one had any concrete evidence of what we achieved, but everyone kind of knew, to the extent that it could be said we even achieved confectionery parity with the Yeshiva across the street (although they still had an undisclosed amount of Extreme Sour Warheads that we couldn’t replicate with our limited allowance funding).
Some time later, we were invaded by the Spice Girl lollipop craze, and my program was ultimately shut down. Many years passed since then; now I live an unassuming, regular life, driving a Tonka Truck in Jersey. But every so often, my heartstrings are plucked by memories of my rock star-like fame as I made an entire sandbox’s worth of grade-schoolers freshly trained in the scientific method erupt in wild cheers of “dollar snackbar!” after one of my beautiful creations melted the face off of a Yankee-cap wearing first-grader.
Oh? You don’t believe me? Well, how about this: go acquire a popcorn and a sour apple Jelly Belly, pop those suckers into your mouth, and give them a few bites to start the reaction. This combination was just stage 1 of our flavor enrichment process. You won’t get them from today’s meh deal, so you’ll likely have to resort to the black market (one of those by-the-pound candy carts you can find inside your local mall). I’ll be waiting right here for your report.
@ShotgunX Bravo, that was an awesome read. By the way, I took a photo of that old coot – she likes to eat Cheerios.
MEALS! DEALS! EELS! AWESOME!
@ShotgunX i’m mildly buzzed, and i still don’t understand what i just read.
@carl669 You think you have problems? I still don’t understand what I just read, and I’m the one who wrote that shit.
no licorice flavor? what the fuck kind of travesty is this? everyone knows black jelly beans are the best jelly beans. just like everyone knows cereal is a soup and a hot dog is a sandwich.
@carl669 your pirate of a theory is running up against the ninja of reality
@russellmz psshhh… pirate would win. everyone knows ninjas can’t swim. just like everyone knows Avatar was a horrible movie.
@carl669 On the up side, there’s also no buttered popcorn.
@carl669 No liquorice? Finally! I’m going to buy these because of that specifically!
@carl669 And anyone that believes pineapple on a pizza is blasphemous because fruit doesn’t belong on a pizza should be reminded that tomatoes are also a fruit.
@carl669 Ugh, my “friend” bought me a 5 lb bulk box of just licorice flavored Jelly Belly beans knowing full well I always picked them out. His shtick was that he saved them all up over the years and was returning them to their original owner.
@carl669 Scratch that, wife says it was a 10 lb. box. Ewwwwww!
@carl669 @ravenblack On the Amazon page it shows the flavors, and buttered popcorn is one of those included on the list, sorry.
@fortgeorge send em my way!
@carl669 @madredekd @ravenblack But not buttered popcorn before it is popped and buttered!
@madredekd @ravenblack @rpstrong i love kernel flavored jelly beans.
@carl669 Really would if I could, this was two years ago. They went to a local charity for a “guess the number of beans” raffle thing. Then was dispersed in sandwich bags to those that wanted them. Heh
@carl669 @russellmz is Avatar the movie where Kevin Kostner falls in love with the native american girl and then joins/fights for their tribe, etc. ? Or is it the one where ____ actor does the same thing in every other movie.
@char2na yes.
@carl669 @mike808 No, Intelligence is knowing tomatoes are fruit. Wisdom is not putting them in fruit salad.
@carl669 do you mean black licorice ? I used to eat that just to gross my sister’s out. Did the weaponize that in the form of an even more disgusting bean?
@unksol yep. I love that stuff. especially in concentrated bean form.
@carl669 I can stomach it. For the good of sibling torture. Idk that I can ever say I enjoy it. Idk what ever happened to Grandma’s jar of actual black licorice. Id actually kind have liked to get that when she passed.
1,600th Meh click…
@jmhsrv congratulations, young jedi!
@robson I have missed a few here and there…
@jmhsrv @robson I missed some too, but I’m hoping I make it to a full year again without messing up again.
@jmhsrv @robson missed one or two years ago. I also never like meh offs counting every click
@jmhsrv @jml326 @robson
@jmhsrv @jml326 @robson I don’t know how to comment here. I put in the image description “The PAIN of having my my shot at a full year. I just don’t care anymore. Life has no meaning.”
Hmm being sick I missed yesterday. “2299 times, 1 day in a row, with a longest streak of 408 days in a row.”
I feel like this is a targeted attack on my wallet.
Spring mix…so the flavors are endive, frisee, spinach and bunch of baby lettuces?
@mrslug Don’t be radicchio-lous.
In for two sets…
Meh found my weakness.
This makes my teeth hurt just thinking about it.
Was only $9.49 at BJs for 3 pounds and all 50 flavors
@cengland0 I don’t think these are in individual bags like the Meh offering. You might be tempted to eat the whole bag in one sitting.
@cengland0 Nice. They’re like $4 / lb at Costco.
@heartny Unfortunately, little cellophane bags wouldn’t be enough to stop me.
@heartny So what you’re saying is that the individual bags are worth paying $11.51 extra for 0.38 pounds less and fewer flavors? Wow, nice to be rich like you.
@Jetlag
That’s still a better deal at Costco. Would cost you $12 for 3 pounds versus today’s deal at $21 for 2.62 pounds.
@cengland0 @heartny It is cheaper in bulk, but these will be great for the Easter Egg Hunt, for which you can’t really buy in bulk and put loose in eggs. Today’s parents don’t really go for loose candy. (Nor I, honestly.)
@cengland0 “All 50 flavors” is a downside, not an upside. We don’t all have catholic tastes.
@cengland0 @heartny If you’re buying these for Easter treats, then the cello bag is a necessity. And if you’re giving them away, who cares about the flavors?
@cengland0 I’m not so sure $11.51 makes me rich, but it’s worth a bit extra to not have to buy and create individual bags in order to give them away to my co-workers. I used to buy these beans in bulk and leave them on my desk with a small scoop, but people inevitably used their fingers to go through the bag fishing for their favorites. Ewww.
@cengland0 Amazon has 2lb bags for $10 so I’m not sure how this is a deal, unless you really want “Spring Mix”
Tempting, Jelly Belly’s are the BEST jelly bean…
Candy corn?
@datruandi My first thought too. A surreptitious means to transmit candy corn flavor to the unsuspecting.
@datruandi @mehcuda67 Probably bricked too…
@datruandi @Kidsandliz @mehcuda67 think of the ginger bread houses you could build if you bought both this jelly brick offer and the candy corncrete.
We took all the flavors nobody really likes, threw them in single serving bags and threw them at whoever would take them!
Berry Blue, Cantaloupe, Cotton Candy, Island Punch, Sunkist Lemon, Lemon Lime, Pina Colada, Sunkist Pink Grapefruit, Sunkist Tangerine
You had me at candy…
/giphy overrated-negligent-rose
Sorry but we buy their seconds. Like 2 stuck together and making it so I only spend half the time digging for a bean.
2 pounds of seconds
@CosmicTwister I used to buy them when there were all different candies in the bag. The last couple orders were only jelly beans.
@acewingman @CosmicTwister I always loved the fact they called them “belly flops”. Nice wink-and-a-nudge to the name.
@CosmicTwister I love belly flops. I usually find them at Big Lots. About $5 per bag. It’s been a while so I don’t remember if they are or 2lb bags. It’s a gerat variety, except for the cappucinno (or whatever coffee flavor it’s supposed to be) and licorice
@CosmicTwister @remo28 Thanks for cluing me into these. I found them at my local Big Lots today for $3.50 per 1-lb bag. And I nearly bought yesterday’s deal!
The boxes of little packs of jellybeans were nice, but Meh should get a bulk order of irregular Jelly Bellys for us, the less discerning mehtizens.
Pass them out at intersections for free.
Eff those Knights of Columbus collecting donations.
No buttered popcorn?
Tempting just because of that.
@RogerWilco Pistols at dawn, I say. Pistols at dawn.
@mcanavino @RogerWilco Agreed…buttered popcorn is the best flavor, would eat just that
Delivery by Valentine’s Day? More like delivery by the Easter Bunny.
You had me at “spring mix”…
Meh. Just Born or GTFO.
/giphy teasing-jaunty-walnut
I used to buy “Belly Flops” at “The Dollar Store”.
Not the 2 lb bag pictured here. I think it was a 4-5 oz. bag
Specs
What’s in the Box?
Price Comparison
$42.28 at Amazon
Warranty
90 days
Estimated Delivery
Monday, July 13th - Thursday, July 16th
/buy
@rand3y It worked! Your order number is: respective-debonair-cobweb
/image respective debonair cobweb
/buy
@meow57 It worked! Your order number is: dazzle-flirtatious-air
/image dazzle flirtatious air
/buy -coupon OOPSPENNY
@therealjrn Sorry, I couldn’t place your order. Something went terribly wrong.
@mediocrebot It’s probably just as well, MB, thanks!
@therealjrn Why didn’t that work because the coupon code is supposed to be good until March.
@cengland0 I don’t know. It doesn’t work on the buy screen either for me. I’ve since rethought my JellyBelly purchase. It’s not that great of assortment of flavors and my (m)ass isn’t getting any smaller these days.
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Thanks for the coupon code will use it before March. Sure wish they would clue VMP’s there are coupon codes out there.
@dino2269 Don’t thank me, thank @Dave for fucking up a VMP hold-back sale a few days ago. It’s literally a 1 penny refund to appease us VMPs for the fuckup.
And it isn’t working for me
@therealjrn @dino2269 I have no idea what I fixed, but I just tested it and it’s now working. I’ve also changed the expiration date to work through March now.
@dino2269 Thanks @dave!
That’s some impressive catalytic mercantilism right there, I tell you wut.
Bought 2x 2 Boxes, about 5-1/4 pounds I guess? 2.4 kilos, 300 servings? But I LOVE these jelly beans! And there seem to be no weird flavors included? Bonus!
I don’t see it anywhere in the description, but if the packs that are in the photo are an accurate indication, these should be fresh through October 16, 2021. Who really knows, though.
These are best obtained in bulk directly from the JB factory in Oshkosh, WI.
@mike808 isn’t that the factory that closed in 2015?
@neko My bad. Kenosha. There is so much suck in Wisconsin, those cities and suburbs all blur together after a while.
@mike808 @neko Who are you that is so wise in the ways of the Jelly Belly factory locations and closings?
/image wise in the ways
@neko @stinks It didn’t close. They planned to, but didn’t. It’s their hometown where they started. I used to live in Wisconsin, and that was a place to go to stock up before there were Costco’s and Sam’s and BJ’s everywhere like today.
From Kenoshanews.com (circa 2018):
witty-wry-hamburger
I’m disappointed that this wasn’t more candy corn
The real question is… Will they make it to Halloween?
IIRC these candies are a little too right-wingy and artificial colory for me.
I’ll stick to the Trader Joe’s cleaner knock-offs.
/buy
@acewingman It worked! Your order number is: nefarious-thankless-flock
/image nefarious thankless flock
/buy
@zachdecker It worked! Your order number is: omnipresent-abundantly-cook
/image omnipresent abundantly cook
I’m wondering if this would be something worth getting to hand out for Halloween? Are they big enough to give without looking like a cheapskate, or would I have to give everyone multiple bags?
@mrbillmc nobody has come to trick or treat at my house in 30+yrs here so yeah… there should be plenty!
YMMV
@mrbillmc if you hate kids… You’ll want multiple. I promise they’ll never come back if they have a choice
/giphy grilled-tyrannical-veil
No Vomit, Soap, or Earwax? No sale!
Welp.
@notrobocop Sorry, the
/buycommand is only available to members. Learn more.@mediocrebot FINE. The old fashioned way it is, then.
/giphy assorted-rural-scallion
The most disgusting jelly beans ever made… All jelly beans.
Just like peeps. Good for burning.