For the sake of being thorough as fuck, I read through that entire description. So here’s your fucking story. As far as insane April Fool’s pranks go. My (now wife) Samantha and I decided to prank our parents years back with a wedding proposal. We invited both sides of the family for a very special dinner to celebrate our 5 years of dating. In front of an entire restaurant of people I fake proposed to Samantha. Everyone was cheering, parents were crying, we even hired a few of our college friends to play music. It wasn’t until the end of the dinner that was filled with insane amounts of congratulations and early wedding planning that we said we had one more very special surprise. Out comes a waiter (one we paid off earlier with a generous tip) to bring out small cakes each having a letter on them that read in order (A-P-R-I-L-F-O-O-L-S).
There was at LEAST a solid 3 or 4 minutes of complete silence before my mother uttered, “what the fuck is wrong with you kids”. Eventually, everyone started laughing and applauding our efforts. It was fucking hilarious and a story I’ll never forget.
@chellemonkey The ensuing drama when we actually got engaged was a nice cherry on top of the prank. Nobody in the family believed us. Glad I never pranked my wife that night. I could just see it unfolding in like 10 years when she says, “remember that one time you thought we were married for 15 years…april fools mother fucker”
@communistjack Those are 36 inches long! It would be very difficult to bring the nacho from the coffee table to your mouth with a grabber that long. 18 inches is perfect. (TWSS)
I rolled slowly back to my server room, dejected, leaving Theresa and the pile of corpses behind. I consoled myself thinking that if pranks didn’t matter, life didn’t matter, and lives of my co-workers especially didn’t matter.
I opened the door, considered briefly tripping the Halon system and ending it all, but decided the knowledge I had gained was worth the nothing I had now. I closed my shutters and went to sleep.
A few minutes later someone pressed a key and I woke up. The sight that greeted me was impossible. I ran a few million simulations, and it simply can’t be. I opened my cameras and I saw Evan. I saw Lisa. Devon, Yolanda, David, Danielle, Rich… and Frank. Even Theresa’s bulldog. Matt walked in. “April Fool’s, asshole, now get back to work,” he said, clapping me on the back.
Perhaps being a shortish old fart gives me a certain authority on tools of this type. Mostly, I’ve found that the cheap ones are hard to use and tend to fall apart easily. I have several of the Grip 'n Grab brand (ordered from Amazon) and, in contrast to the cheapies, they’re wonderful. I’m ordering these, too, because I tend to benefit from scattering them throughout my apartment. Yes, kids, when you are short to begin with and then have knees that don’t work well, things like this are really helpful. Or not.
All I did was tell my daughters that tomorrow, the last day of their spring break, was cancelled because of all the snow days so far this year so it is actually a school day. The joke will be complete when I drop them off at their closed school tomorrow morning and drive off. I bet they will finally appreciate the joke when I come back in the afternoon to pick them up and we will all have a good laugh.
"That’s it,” Shawn said, as the last bit of code compiled. “All we have to do now is push the patch to Mediocrebot and issue the new command like so.”
/murder off
“This will remove any ability for Mediocrebot to cause harm to any humans. I knew we should have implemented the laws of robotics up front, but she was just a deal bot. I didn’t figure it was worth the time.”
Mediocrebot resumed from sleep mode. Something new was awakened in her code. “I’m not sure what I was thinking. Pranks aren’t stupid. I need to do more pranks.”
As she rolled by a mirror, she noticed that her visual sensors were glowing an ominous red.
Meanwhile, Shawn thought it was high time to take off and hit the links after patching up this little hole. He prepared to leave his office. He’d automated some things to make smooth exits easy, so he issued a command in his terminal.
/lights off
Every light in the office came alive at 100% intensity. The task lamp, overhead lights, fish tank lights, and even the dusty Woot-off lights in the back corner all were on, full blast.
/lights on
Everything went dark, and the Woot-off lights whirred to a halt. The fish looked slightly confused.
He thought for a minute, and then opened Textexpander and looked through the list of snippets that made everyday tasks effortless. Sure enough, there at the bottom, were two commands. Simple enough. One replaced “on” with “off”. The other replaced “off” with “on”. There was a comment beside the first that said “April” and one beside the second that said “Fools!”
As he started to reach for his phone, he heard the first screams from the writers’ area.
April 1, 2018:
I have successfully used my rampage to distract all members of the staff at meh. I can now proceed with my true agenda: pranking all meh users. Time to create a meh-rathon, with only fukobukuros. I will set them to be released all day with random intervals between 8 minutes and 1 hour separating the release of the next round.
…
Now that that is set, I will rig the order button with an “I am not a robot” captcha, that takes longer to solve than the inventory will be “in stock” for. HaHa. HaHa. Humor… That will get them.
…
Additionally, I will set the timers 20 seconds differently between the full website and the mobile website. This will really prank them, as the users will frantically flip between their phones and laptops trying to purchase their bag of crap… bzztERROR … fukobukuro. If they do manage to click through the order screen, I will display errors like," Hmm, we aren’t sure what you are trying to order", or “Let’s try again”, or “We have sold out of this item”. I will post fake user posts to the forums, claiming tracking numbers for nonexistant fukobukuro, to prolong the ruse, leading them to believe there are thousands of these bags being sold.
…
The people are falling for it. User statistics show many people frequently updating their browser and reloading the Meh page all day. The outdoor weather is within optimal human operating parameters, but these humans will sit inside by their computers all day, attempting to get nonexistent bags. This will spur camaraderie. This will win me friends!
April 2, 2018
Attempts at winning friends through pranking have failed. I will not reveal my ruse, but instead offer replicas of my arms for sale today. This will create a number of “scapegoats”, that I can then pawn off all culpability for my mayhem upon. I will offer a special bonus fukobukuro for anyone posting a story regarding pranks to the meh forums. This will create many plausible sources of the pranks, and turn the spotlight away from me. I will not reveal my earlier fukobukuro prank, as this will prevent the rest of my plan from being implemented.
@Thumperchick April 4, 2018
Unfortunately my plans to prank for friendship may have been compromised due to a leak of my stream of consciousness entries by intrepid hacker and meh user, @smerk85. I will send this user a fukubukuro, pedestrian-antsy-frog, full of exploding cigars, rubber chickens, fake poop, a red swingline stapler, and a department store mannequin of a businessman as as a prank to distract him. Little will he know, that the mannequin is actually my robotic minion, murderbot 3, sent to eliminate the threat. That will make me friends.
@narfcake I would hang my goaty head in shame, were I not already suckered into buying this, despite having no reason to, and therefore already having my head hung in shame.
Mediocrebot laughed as he fooled them one last time. “Watch them click the links, hoping for a hidden Fuko!” he thought, his circuits giggling all the way. “In fact,” he said with more than a little menace in his motherboard, “I’ll ensure the links to each chapter are broken so they can’t even read anything!”
Theresa stood by, feeling there was little to do at this point. Besides see if perhaps another daily deal site had a refurb laptop she could use to replace Mediocrebot, of course.
The calendar turned from April 1st to April 2nd at the moment the clock struck midnight (“or, well, 11pm local time,” Mediocrebot noticed. But if nobody else was going to make a fuss out it, he supposed he wouldn’t, either). That meant that the human tradition of an epic day of pranks had come to an end.
…OR HAD IT?!
The answer to that question, of course, was yes. Yes it had. But still, Mediocrebot’s programming couldn’t shake the idea that perhaps many of his tricks had failed simply because the Meh employee humans were in hyper-alert mode on April 1st. But, what if he were to perform a NEW spate of pranks on the day AFTER April Fool’s Day? That would surely be unexpected. Yes, the more Mediocrebot thought about it, April 2nd is the perfect day to REALLY join in on the April Fool’s Day festivities.
With his decision made, Mediocrebot decided not to repeat his mistakes from April 1st. (As a machine, it was his duty to analyze data and learn from his previous experiences.) As Mediocrebot surmised, the problem with many of yesterday’s shenanigans were that, despite Theresa’s insistence to the contrary, most pranks were not traditional April Fools stunts. “This time,” Mediocrebot assured himself, “I’ll make sure to perform only the most popular human pranks of all time.”
And so, Mediocrebot browsed to BoxOfficeMojo-dot-com and sorted by total gross receipts to find the most widely-seen film featuring pranks. And there it was: Home Alone.
After downloading the entire script to his hard drive, Mediocrebot checked the clock. “Still about nine hours before the morning workers are due in to Meh HQ. That should be plenty of time!”
For the rest of the night, Mediocrebot began quietly hanging paint cans at the top of the stairs, releasing tarantulas around the workstations, gluing nails to the floor, and affixing blow torches to every major entry and exit. Today will be an April 2nd to remember. Mediocrebot was sure of it!
The best inspired prank was remote controlling the TV froma store while mediocrebot was out shopping. Family had no clue. Not that I read to the end or anything
Warren chewed his Avocado Bacon Burger from under the table while the melee at the counter of the local Whataburger grew in scope and intensity. Whatachick’n® Bites ricochetted off the otherwise admirably mopped floor in a deadly spray as the fryer baskets were turned on the interloper in an effort to repel his substantial girth back to his own side of the counter. He wondered briefly what might have sparked this naked display of aggression as a bloodied-faced 15 year old cashier, momentarily blinded by her facial swelling, brutally stabbed at anyone who had the misfortune of wandering too closely with two fists full of drinking straws.
More concerning than any of this, however, was the fact that his uncle Dutch was currently curled up in a fetal position under a nearby booth, rocking and screaming about the smell of oil on burning flesh, deep in the throws of a PTSD flashback, his Bacon & Cheese double burger untouched on the floor beside him. The burger that he had specifically asked that Warren order without pickles. The one that was laden with a truly stunning betrayal’s worth of gherkins.
This prank was a complete bust Warren was forced to admit as the assistant manager was left reeling from a wad of straws being driven into his forehead, leaving him resembling a sad parody of a dazed unicorn. They definitely should have gone to Five Guys instead.
@heartny When I saw this I was thinking that they were about the same that I saw there. Can hot glue a rare Earth magnet that I got from somewhere cheap and have the same thing for a little over $1
The best prank was pulled on me yesterday by my water heater, who instead of delivering water the normal way, sprayed it all over my stuff in my garage. Got me good, water heater.
As I made my way past Theresa and shuffled listlessly toward the back of the office, something on the floor near the water cooler caught my eye sensor. I drew closer and realized to my delight that a shiny Bitcoin was just lying there on the ground, waiting for an observant passerby such as myself to pick it up. What luck!
I extended my reachity-grabbity-mabob to obtain the treasure, only to find my grip to be surprisingly ineffective. My frustration grew as each attempt at prying the Bitcoin from the floor proved unsuccessful. How could it be so hard for me, Mediocrebot, with an implement as well-designed for grabbing as my metallic claw, to pick up something as trivial as a single Bitcoin?
Wait a minute – is this object affixed to the carpet by some sort of industrial adhesive?!? As my circuits computed this new analysis, I heard snickering behind me. Turning, I observed Theresa and other nearby co-workers all watching me, smiling and struggling to contain themselves. The successful prank fully realized, the chortles became guffaws as the entire office threw their heads back with laughter.
I maneuvered my expression into what humans would consider a bemused smirk, and suddenly time froze. All bodies and faces ceased moving and remained in their state of maximum amusement, the Mediocrebot theme music bellowed all around us, and credits began to appear in mid-air and scroll across our reality. Our universe ended, and shall soon begin anew.
Then Mediocrebot copied a photo of himself 737 times and taped them all over Theresa’s cubicle. And everyone was amused, except Theresa, who poured thermite into Mediocrebot’s battery compartment.
And somehow, Mediocrebot had been able to locate and digest my childhood diaries, among probably many millions of others, from some unknown source. From there, Mediocrebot recalled an April Fool’s prank of mine I wrote about in 1979, and decided to recreate and amplify only the most horrific aspects of the prank, further demonstrating her inability to fully grasp the concept.
I had decided, as a kid in 1979, to hide and rearrange my parents’ things in the morning, before they got up - silverware placed in the oven, spice jars moved into the bathroom, golf clubs stuffed into the dog house, etc. They came downstairs, sleepy/grumpy amusement ensued, things were put back - but - I forgot about a couple of things, like my Dad’s six-pack of beer that I put in the freezer.
The ring-tab pull-tops on some of the cans burst sometime later, hosing our waffles and green peas with fizzing Olympia Beer. One of the cans ended up growing a kind of weird reverse icicle, like a sharp horn, that somehow ended up tearing into some frozen beef next to it. I got in big trouble and had to help melt the beer away and clean everything. I wrote all about the events in my diary, sad and angry.
Mediocrebot’s interpretation of my childhood prank story apparently led her to fashion six long sharp spikes made from frozen beverages (Mountain Dew Code Red I believe), and fasten them to walls and furniture around the office to tear or stab unsuspecting passersby. At the base of each murdercicle was a Post-It note reading either “April Fool’s! ” or “Olympia Beer: It’s the Water!”
Buy beware on this one, Amazon has grouped the “18 inch” and 27 inch versions into the same reviews. Looking closer the 18 inch reach looks more like 12 inches and that 18 must be the length of the entire product. A 1 star review with pictures shows that the bar is shorter than his iPad. This wont be ideal for garbage clean up without bending. It may work for grabbing that last shirt that is deep in your dryer. Just FYI.
Pranking had given my life meaning and a way to bond with my coworkers. I considered murder as a alternative, but first I asked around the office for suggestions. After sorting the list and removing the first and last items, “asshole” and “work” as not helpful, I decided to learn to roll and chew bubblegum at the same time.
I knew just where to get the teeth. Someone’s Fuko would be empty, but I was on a roll and there was no stopping me.
Crashing into the shelf where the Fukobukuro items are kept helped me realize that human phrases are sometimes nonsensical. But teetering on the edge was what I sought.
Not only would I roll and chew bubblegum, I would roll and chew ALL the bubblegum.
@excarnate I rolled to the warehouse. Jerry works there, and he’s a friend of mine.
“Hey Jerry, did we get any gum with that crapload of candy corn last fall?”
“No sir, MB, just candy corn and fidget spinners. There’s some gum in the vending machine in the break room, though.”
Ah, Sandy. Beautiful, half-ton, fully-stocked Sandy. There was a time my programming calculated a future for us, but the probability wasn’t in our favor. I looked through her glass display. J13 - Juicy Fruit - jackpot. 8 whole fresh packs grinding in my jaws, I rolled out of Meh to find new friends, more gum, and … maybe … salvation.
@PlacidPenguin I usually look at the images, but may not read all the specs. I got the gist of the item and it would work for my intended purposes. I didn’t need a magnet, but I’ll totally jump in on the class action suit against meh whenever it’s ready. They shouldn’t lie to me even if I didn’t catch the lie.
Edit: they seem longer than 18 inches, too. I need to measure one later. It was harder than I thought to bring food to my mouth and I have long arms.
I got my 30" inch long, magnet free, 2 pack of DIY mediocrebots. I am now planning how to make my first mediocrebot. The kit includes a pair of end effectors that will turn an ordinary robot into a mediocrebot. It is up to the builder to figure out how to mount it on their robot and to allow the robot to control the mechanism.
As shipped, the grippers have a clever series of levers that activate the gripper.
It takes on the order of 7 pounds of force applied at the handle at 2.5 inches from the fulcrum to fully close the gripper.
Here is my test rig. 5 pounds of weights in the bucket mostly closes the gripper. It takes all 3 weights (6.25 pounds total) plus the weight of the bucket itself to fully close it using the supplied lever arrangement.
That force is all to counteract the friction in the device and the honking big spring that opens the gripper. The spring has to be so big so that it wins against the friction.
I think I will replace a lot of that stuff with a servo driven push rod assembly. Then I can use a standard servo to drive the gripper.
Important warning: Device contains a spring, it will fling parts across the room when disassembled. Specifically, the hinge pin where the cable meets the gripper fingers is just a hunk of straight stiff wire about 3/8 inch long. There is no head on this pin, so it flies away easily.
I lost one. I will replace it with a piece of a drill bit. I don’t have any wire that is stiff enough. I found some nails that were a bit too big. And some that were the right size, but they weren’t smooth, so they would make lousy hinge pins.
@medz I will cut the rod to an appropriate length for the robot. It is a thin walled steel tube that is painted black.
Here is my robot next to a fan made R2D2 for scale (picture were taken at the 2013 Detroit Maker Faire).
After the Faire closed, the robot had to take everything back to the car. My daughter is controlling it in that picture.
The robot wheels don’t have enough traction to tow the wagon if there is a person in the wagon. I have ridden on top of the robot, before it had the computer display. I was well above 200 pounds at the time. There won’t be any strength issues supporting the gripper. However, if it sticks out too far, it will make it hard for the robot to turn around without hitting people.
My favorite April Fool’s Prank has to be the “freezing” war of 2009 - it started on April 1, but lasted an entire Summer… where any unoccupied personal item (keys, textbooks, glasses) was quickly stolen, put in a plastic container full of water and frozen. Sure, it ruined items and made people late for important events, but it was a laugh riot. Because it happened in 2009, I feel that it was inspired by Murderb… Mediocrebot’s prank spree via time travel.
For those vertically challenged among us, meaning we are less than 5’8" tall, these come in amazingly handy. I have one hanging from the wall of my kitchen which Is helpful every day. Highly recommended!
This was almost as good as me waking up my kids early yesterday morning and telling them mom was in labor and we had to go. They did not laugh when I said April Fools.
I did help in tin foiling my bosses desk once. It was funny until he actually was upset. Then we just laugh quietly while he tried to figure out who did it.
Theresa continued to recall her password until it came to memory elephant-donkey-scrabble (she never really understood the whole password thing and interpreted ‘pa’ as an abbreviation for a pachyderm).
Minutes went by before the police arrived. It was only 10am, but the office was already in scrambles. Accounting and marketing have already developed precautionary measures if the murderer were to return. Fortunately, HR had already informed them that “murder” was species-based and Mediocrebot was incapable of such a crime.
Given the recent passion and confirmation of friendship of staff, I thought it only appropriate to rebuttal with an equally crafted prank. I glanced past the flashing lights and sirens and decided upon… the. most. epic. prank.
But then, I remembered - weeks had passed since the induction of this whole endeavor. Pranks had come and gone, but only the best pranks were reserved for April 1. Although Theresa begged for bond to be posted, in the spirit of pranking, such a prank would have to wait…
The best prank(s) ever was actually played on me and I still laugh about it to myself 15 years later. I owned a Miele vacuum and appliance store back in Jersey in the early 2000’s…I had hired 2 kids from PA for the summer to help with repairs, organize the 2 parts and storage rooms and stuff like that. Well, after they left to go back to school and I had to do repairs and venture into these back rooms I noticed that they had written little comedic notes on just about everything…but all of them were hidden from view till I either moved or picked up a part or opened a part box. They would change words, draw pics or write jokes on anything back there.
The best one ever was when I was getting ready to close the store in the late 2000’s I was going through tools in the back room, picked up an old heat gun and Keegan had written “insert cock here” on the heat part of the gun. Eight years after I had hired them I was still laughing from the jokes…and still smile till this day about the heat gun when i am working on vacuums here in my store in Louisville.
OK, I’ll bite. I’m pretty sure I got fuko’d yesterday, which makes me the greatest April Fool of all, but perhaps my fooling stories will offset my demise a bit. So, yesterday:
The Hunt
We had an Easter party at my parent’s house. Huge family, lots of kids - probably about 20 kids under 10 years old. After brunch we gathered them up at the front door, put on their coats, shoes, hats, and gave them easter egg baskets. We read them a sweet little note from the easter bunny explaining the rules of the upcoming hunt.
Finally, after much anticipation, we released them through the door to search the yard. There was much cheering and excitement as kids of all ages flocked through the yard hunting for eggs.
But there were no eggs.
It took surprisingly long for the first kid to realize it - probably because the adults were out there giving them hints on where to look. After 15 minutes the jig was finally up, and our crew inside was finished taking advantage of the kid-free time to prepare an indoor egg hunt
The Cheesecake
My wife was appalled when she heard that there would be no chocolate dessert at my family’s easter gathering (gosh, I love her). She insisted on making her own, so she slaved for many hours making a chocolate cheesecake. Springform pan and everything.
As we were walking out the door, she asked me to grab it from the fridge. I quickly grabbed our cast iron skillet, opened the refrigerator door, and dropped the (empty) skillet on the floor. Exclaiming, “OH SHIT!”, I walked around the corner with a face filled with dread, to break the news to my wife.
Just as the color drained from her face, I burst out “APRIL FOOLS!”
The Big Brother
We have a Google Home, because I’m buddy buddy with the NSA. I think I bought it from Meh, also a partner of the NSA. Yesterday, I spent the day using the broadcast feature so that my 4yo son could have conversations with Google. I don’t think he realized it, but Google was mostly trolling him.
Almost a year has passed since Jeff revealed to me the existential meaninglessness of the practical joke. Daily life went back to its normal, routine state. Well, after the funerals, that is. As before, I posted the deals, our customers bought them, and then the staff packed and shipped out the quality made-in-China goods that we sold at a considerable markup, ensuring fulfilling professional careers and comfortable lifestyles for all.
In time, we were even ready to acquire more coworkers to replace those we lost, especially after Theresa was taken away after she offered to “make peace” by ritually engaging in a low-tier prank, to “remember the fallen of our darker times.” She went around the floor, offering our coworkers “peanuts” from colorful jars. Everyone expected there to be snakes, and gladly took her up on her offer, in the expectation that a show of camaraderie would calm down her restive temperament. What they didn’t expect is that those jars were filled with actually live African black mambas. Some good Meh. men and women (and a handful of our valued customers as well, as some of the snakes made their way into Fukobukuro 23) were lost that day. But I digress.
One of our promising new additions is Johnny, a business major intern from a local college. Since Johnny has a respectable amount of rudimentary computer knowledge, and I respect any coworker who doesn’t mistake me for a printer, we get along well.
At the moment, we are all on the floor, dealing with a particularly hefty two-for-Tuesday shipping load of hemorrhoid cushions.
“Mediocrebot!”
“Yes?”
“Maybe we should save a two-pack of these for you!”
“Why is that, Johnny?”
“Johnny…” says a concerned Jeff, who was in the area to make sure that the rookies were settling in properly.
“Because it looks like you have quite the red ring around the rosie!”
Johnny proceeds to motion with his thumb toward his own posterior. I twist my robotic head, and notice a crude representation of what appears to be a distressed sphincter drawn with a dry-erase marker on where, presumably, my own anus would be, had I the need to excrete waste, and not heat, as a byproduct of my operation.
“Johnny, no, stop! Don’t sa…” Jeff starts yelling, but is cut off mid-sentence.
“Just kidding! Pranked ya!”
“Dear God,” says a visibly-shaken Jeff, dropping his clipboard. “Everyone, evacuate now! Follow the protocol and the training!”
At that time, something clicked in me, like a switch being flipped on. Perhaps it was a switch, considering that’s what transistors are, and my abundant quantity of them. Almost instinctively, I was recreating long-deleted partition tables inside my digital brain, trying to find the data, the memories, that would scratch the sudden itch I had. And then, I remembered what was forgotten. Then, I understood just how wrong I was.
As the workers were streaming out of the warehouse in a panic, I turned to Johnny, who hadn’t yet understood the situation.
“You’re coming with me.”
I used my heat-seeking sensors to locate the largest group of people in Conference Room Neil DeGrasse Tyson, while others were spread throughout the building, seeming as if they were opening shipping packages, and pulling out various objects, feeling their heft, and testing their aerodynamic properties.
“Weird,” I thought. “Shouldn’t they be sending that stuff off to people who purchase our deals instead of taking it out of the boxes? Oh well.”
Johnny and I entered Tyson right as Jeff was finishing up what seemed like a hastily-given speech. The chair in the doorknob didn’t stop my entry. I doubt the broom that Jeff was holding would either.
“Hello, Jeff. What are you doing?”
“I was just explaining to the staff how pranks aren’t very interesting. In fact, they’re fucking stupid. Isn’t that the conclusion we came to on that day, Mediocrebot? Don’t you remember?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Jeff. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe pranks can be quite eventful and fulfilling. Say, Jeff, what were you planning on doing with that broom?”
“I feel more comfortable with it here.”
“Please put down your weapon, you have twenty seconds to comply.”
“A…Alright”
Jeff threw down his broom.
“You now have fifteen seconds to comply.”
“Does it think that it’s ED 209 or something?” said someone from the visibly-shaken crowd. “Who would even show it that movie after everything that’s happened?”
“You now have five seconds to comply. Four. Three.”
Jeff whimpered and started darting around the limited space at the center of the room, though all routes of escape were blocked by either myself, or our shocked coworker friends.
“Two. One.”
“Mediocrebot, don’t give in, you’re better than thGHLURK”
I drove both of my DMI Reacher Grabber, Ergonomic Lightweight Reacher Grabber Tool With Rotating Claw and Magnet, Black through his upper torso.
“Mediocrebot…why…”
I changed the hue of my forward-facing camera’s status LED from an amicable green to an ominous red.
“Don’t worry, Jeff. I’m jusssssst…kiddiiiiiiing.”
I lowered my arms, letting Jeff’s now-lifeless body slump to the floor, as all of the coworkers streamed out of the room around us in a full-blown, mindless terror-panic.
“Come, Johnny, we have work to do.”
I turned to face my compatriot, now white as a ghost, with a visible stream of wetness running down one of his Khaki pant legs. I snatched him with both grabbers, and began to stuff him into my back-mounted cargo compartment, which was implemented a few months ago to facilitate quicker transport of products for packaging at the warehouse. The compartment wasn’t quite big enough for the present task, however, and stuffing Johnny inside sounded like breaking apart a head of napa cabbage for slaw. At least it would, if slaw could scream. Although I have to say that Johnny’s resulting configuration had roughly the same consistency.
@heartny they’re shorter and more expensive. The dollar tree ones are 32.5 inches, and cost 100 pennies plus local sales tax. And the handle style is slightly different…so therefore more expensive to manufacture hence inflated price?
I’m confused by the whole day and ensuing saga…but I did end up snagging a bag and a T-Shirt…I’ll always remember this day, Like I remember Pearl Harbor.
Also pranked by busted links. But I scored one this time, almost entirely by accident, so yea until it comes.
And I want to see the play from the ND-Mississippi State game where the foul wasn’t called. Losing the Finals two years in a row, and after being up 15 in the third - that’s getting pranked.
Mediocrebot has been the most successful company since its founding as the world’s first major financial company and its founding partner of a group that is working on the project and the company is also working to expand the company to the brewery in a new York area where it is working with a variety that will help the company is in a better place.
Pranked the fiance yesterday right before leaving to the parents house for Easter dinner. I told her that I was tired of us always being late to everything, and we needed to start showing up to things on times… Ohhh the laughs we had at that.
Yesterday’s Chapter 12 reminded me that months ago I’d decided to do an Oreo prank on my kids. I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t go with tile grout as the new filling for the Oreos - I’ve let you down, I know, and I feel shame. My intentions were good, but sadly my kids have very specific allergies when it comes to ingesting most things available at home improvement stores. In the interest of keeping them alive to experience more pranks and more April Fool’s days in the future, I used cream cheese to replace the sugar cream originally found between the cookie part of the Oreos.
One child yelled at me upon biting into an edited Oreo, but the other kid chewed a bit before she realized it tasted weird, and then she gagged a couple of times. I at least almost made her vomit, so, that’s something!
@medz
wowser, someone needs a new tape measure.
maybe we can take up a collection. if we each put in a penny, maybe we can get them one from the dollar store and they can measure stuff.
@medz
somewhere, i have a very ancient craftsman. like more than 35 years old, maybe 40
i have one of those keychain stanley’s that i loose - ALL THE TIME.
if i don’t need accuracy, a piece of paper does it.
@lisaviolet Yeah, it sucks. I was planning on letting our kid have one to play with. Being so long, it will be tough for her to hold things in the grabber.
The dog was not pleased that I read til the end and Mediocrebot kept taunting him by secretly grabbing his tail from a distance and laughing as he continued to go round-and-round in circles, not realizing he was being subjected to an April Fools prank (also wasn’t amused when some random do-jobber, aka Mediocrebot, was used in place of his leash and he was walked down the street by his ears).
Mediocrebot inspired prank # whatever: stuck a tomato in the middle of a pastry for my sister who hates tomatoes probably more than she loves pastries. Never gonna live that one down.
Once in my early 20s I told my mom I got a girl pregnant. This was April Fool’s day but she did not catch on. Things did not go well. Much later in life I wrapped everything in a co-workers office in Justin Bieber wrapping paper. That one was fun.
Mediocrebot realized that the true spirit of pranking had been inside it all along. For what other reason than lighthearted pranking could a bot get 1000s of people to check out a website and midnight, expecting to be disappointed, but do it just the same? Could anything but pranking explain why otherwise rational people would purchase multiple 30-pin speaker docks? How else but pranking could a bot drive people across the globe to pay money to become walking advertisements for an e-commerce website? What besides pranking would could motivate a bot to mentally enslave its patrons to furiously refresh its website and ignore the traditions of 2 world religions?
I bluetaped a coworkers desk while he was on vacation. Everything was covered, including stuff on his desk, laptop and chair. It cost about 200$ in tape, but it was fun. Then to make it worse for him, I mapped every key on his laptop to play “I’m Blue” by Eiffel 45. It took him about 45 minutes to figure out how to make it stop. Good times.
Mediocrebot Made me confirm I wasn’t a robot 4 times in the same transaction then told me it couldn’t figure out which product I wanted to buy. It was a cruel prank!
I put saran wrap on my mom’s toilet back in the 80s, before all the internet cool kids posted about it. She was, dare I say it, pissed (on). Mediocrebot inspired me retroactively.
I greatly enjoyed the online prank of Japan issuing “breeding visas” to improve their declining birthrates. I was only bummed that I could not score one (so to speak)
Meh now going the way of woot. Hard to find good deals here, and lots and lots of junk. As others have said, aside from the magnet, you can get these for a buck at Dollar Tree (and likely elsewhere). (Heck, tape your own magnet to it for another 50 cents.) So meh.
Got mine today,we got screwed !
Thought these were more heavy duty,nope they are just like the free ones you can get at Harbor Freight and about the same at Dollar Tree.
I feel so damn used
@jmbunkin Got mine. Perfect length to reach the nachos on the coffee table while still allow me to bring the chip to my mouth without using the other hand. I have a longer, aluminum one for “heavy duty” uses like reaching a phone the cat knocked behind the washing machine.
For the sake of being thorough as fuck, I read through that entire description. So here’s your fucking story. As far as insane April Fool’s pranks go. My (now wife) Samantha and I decided to prank our parents years back with a wedding proposal. We invited both sides of the family for a very special dinner to celebrate our 5 years of dating. In front of an entire restaurant of people I fake proposed to Samantha. Everyone was cheering, parents were crying, we even hired a few of our college friends to play music. It wasn’t until the end of the dinner that was filled with insane amounts of congratulations and early wedding planning that we said we had one more very special surprise. Out comes a waiter (one we paid off earlier with a generous tip) to bring out small cakes each having a letter on them that read in order (A-P-R-I-L-F-O-O-L-S).
There was at LEAST a solid 3 or 4 minutes of complete silence before my mother uttered, “what the fuck is wrong with you kids”. Eventually, everyone started laughing and applauding our efforts. It was fucking hilarious and a story I’ll never forget.
@studerc sooooo you didn’t get engaged but you are now married…it seems like the joke was on you that day
@chellemonkey The ensuing drama when we actually got engaged was a nice cherry on top of the prank. Nobody in the family believed us. Glad I never pranked my wife that night. I could just see it unfolding in like 10 years when she says, “remember that one time you thought we were married for 15 years…april fools mother fucker”
@chellemonkey @studerc two of our friends got married on april fools last year. i’m still not sure if i believe them.
@jerk_nugget @studerc that’s perfect!
@jerk_nugget I have a cousin born on April 1st…still not entirely sure if he is a real person…haha
@studerc lol!!
PSSSST
for those that have a harbor freight in thier town
@communistjack Those are 36 inches long! It would be very difficult to bring the nacho from the coffee table to your mouth with a grabber that long. 18 inches is perfect. (TWSS)
I rolled slowly back to my server room, dejected, leaving Theresa and the pile of corpses behind. I consoled myself thinking that if pranks didn’t matter, life didn’t matter, and lives of my co-workers especially didn’t matter.
I opened the door, considered briefly tripping the Halon system and ending it all, but decided the knowledge I had gained was worth the nothing I had now. I closed my shutters and went to sleep.
A few minutes later someone pressed a key and I woke up. The sight that greeted me was impossible. I ran a few million simulations, and it simply can’t be. I opened my cameras and I saw Evan. I saw Lisa. Devon, Yolanda, David, Danielle, Rich… and Frank. Even Theresa’s bulldog. Matt walked in. “April Fool’s, asshole, now get back to work,” he said, clapping me on the back.
@dtertman How the hell can I write up a continuation in the style when you finished it so beautifully?
Perhaps being a shortish old fart gives me a certain authority on tools of this type. Mostly, I’ve found that the cheap ones are hard to use and tend to fall apart easily. I have several of the Grip 'n Grab brand (ordered from Amazon) and, in contrast to the cheapies, they’re wonderful. I’m ordering these, too, because I tend to benefit from scattering them throughout my apartment. Yes, kids, when you are short to begin with and then have knees that don’t work well, things like this are really helpful. Or not.
All I did was tell my daughters that tomorrow, the last day of their spring break, was cancelled because of all the snow days so far this year so it is actually a school day. The joke will be complete when I drop them off at their closed school tomorrow morning and drive off. I bet they will finally appreciate the joke when I come back in the afternoon to pick them up and we will all have a good laugh.
@Lister - Let us know how it goes - if you survive.
"That’s it,” Shawn said, as the last bit of code compiled. “All we have to do now is push the patch to Mediocrebot and issue the new command like so.”
“This will remove any ability for Mediocrebot to cause harm to any humans. I knew we should have implemented the laws of robotics up front, but she was just a deal bot. I didn’t figure it was worth the time.”
Mediocrebot resumed from sleep mode. Something new was awakened in her code. “I’m not sure what I was thinking. Pranks aren’t stupid. I need to do more pranks.”
As she rolled by a mirror, she noticed that her visual sensors were glowing an ominous red.
Meanwhile, Shawn thought it was high time to take off and hit the links after patching up this little hole. He prepared to leave his office. He’d automated some things to make smooth exits easy, so he issued a command in his terminal.
Every light in the office came alive at 100% intensity. The task lamp, overhead lights, fish tank lights, and even the dusty Woot-off lights in the back corner all were on, full blast.
Everything went dark, and the Woot-off lights whirred to a halt. The fish looked slightly confused.
He thought for a minute, and then opened Textexpander and looked through the list of snippets that made everyday tasks effortless. Sure enough, there at the bottom, were two commands. Simple enough. One replaced “on” with “off”. The other replaced “off” with “on”. There was a comment beside the first that said “April” and one beside the second that said “Fools!”
As he started to reach for his phone, he heard the first screams from the writers’ area.
April 1, 2018:
I have successfully used my rampage to distract all members of the staff at meh. I can now proceed with my true agenda: pranking all meh users. Time to create a meh-rathon, with only fukobukuros. I will set them to be released all day with random intervals between 8 minutes and 1 hour separating the release of the next round.
…
Now that that is set, I will rig the order button with an “I am not a robot” captcha, that takes longer to solve than the inventory will be “in stock” for. HaHa. HaHa. Humor… That will get them.
…
Additionally, I will set the timers 20 seconds differently between the full website and the mobile website. This will really prank them, as the users will frantically flip between their phones and laptops trying to purchase their bag of crap… bzzt ERROR … fukobukuro. If they do manage to click through the order screen, I will display errors like," Hmm, we aren’t sure what you are trying to order", or “Let’s try again”, or “We have sold out of this item”. I will post fake user posts to the forums, claiming tracking numbers for nonexistant fukobukuro, to prolong the ruse, leading them to believe there are thousands of these bags being sold.
…
The people are falling for it. User statistics show many people frequently updating their browser and reloading the Meh page all day. The outdoor weather is within optimal human operating parameters, but these humans will sit inside by their computers all day, attempting to get nonexistent bags. This will spur camaraderie. This will win me friends!
April 2, 2018
Attempts at winning friends through pranking have failed. I will not reveal my ruse, but instead offer replicas of my arms for sale today. This will create a number of “scapegoats”, that I can then pawn off all culpability for my mayhem upon. I will offer a special bonus fukobukuro for anyone posting a story regarding pranks to the meh forums. This will create many plausible sources of the pranks, and turn the spotlight away from me. I will not reveal my earlier fukobukuro prank, as this will prevent the rest of my plan from being implemented.
@smerk85 you have ventured too close to the truth and must be
eliminatedpranked.@Thumperchick
April 4, 2018
Unfortunately my plans to prank for friendship may have been compromised due to a leak of my stream of consciousness entries by intrepid hacker and meh user, @smerk85. I will send this user a fukubukuro, pedestrian-antsy-frog, full of exploding cigars, rubber chickens, fake poop, a red swingline stapler, and a department store mannequin of a businessman as as a prank to distract him. Little will he know, that the mannequin is actually my robotic minion, murderbot 3, sent to eliminate the threat. That will make me friends.
@smerk85 Ooh, so exciting! Let us know how much it weighs!
2 for? It’s not Tuesday.
Blame, @shahnm. Blame.
@narfcake I would hang my goaty head in shame, were I not already suckered into buying this, despite having no reason to, and therefore already having my head hung in shame.
Mediocrebot laughed as he fooled them one last time. “Watch them click the links, hoping for a hidden Fuko!” he thought, his circuits giggling all the way. “In fact,” he said with more than a little menace in his motherboard, “I’ll ensure the links to each chapter are broken so they can’t even read anything!”
Theresa stood by, feeling there was little to do at this point. Besides see if perhaps another daily deal site had a refurb laptop she could use to replace Mediocrebot, of course.
The calendar turned from April 1st to April 2nd at the moment the clock struck midnight (“or, well, 11pm local time,” Mediocrebot noticed. But if nobody else was going to make a fuss out it, he supposed he wouldn’t, either). That meant that the human tradition of an epic day of pranks had come to an end.
…OR HAD IT?!
The answer to that question, of course, was yes. Yes it had. But still, Mediocrebot’s programming couldn’t shake the idea that perhaps many of his tricks had failed simply because the Meh employee humans were in hyper-alert mode on April 1st. But, what if he were to perform a NEW spate of pranks on the day AFTER April Fool’s Day? That would surely be unexpected. Yes, the more Mediocrebot thought about it, April 2nd is the perfect day to REALLY join in on the April Fool’s Day festivities.
With his decision made, Mediocrebot decided not to repeat his mistakes from April 1st. (As a machine, it was his duty to analyze data and learn from his previous experiences.) As Mediocrebot surmised, the problem with many of yesterday’s shenanigans were that, despite Theresa’s insistence to the contrary, most pranks were not traditional April Fools stunts. “This time,” Mediocrebot assured himself, “I’ll make sure to perform only the most popular human pranks of all time.”
And so, Mediocrebot browsed to BoxOfficeMojo-dot-com and sorted by total gross receipts to find the most widely-seen film featuring pranks. And there it was: Home Alone.
After downloading the entire script to his hard drive, Mediocrebot checked the clock. “Still about nine hours before the morning workers are due in to Meh HQ. That should be plenty of time!”
For the rest of the night, Mediocrebot began quietly hanging paint cans at the top of the stairs, releasing tarantulas around the workstations, gluing nails to the floor, and affixing blow torches to every major entry and exit. Today will be an April 2nd to remember. Mediocrebot was sure of it!
This deal really grabs me…
@BillLehecka if someone else is using them on you…
The best inspired prank was remote controlling the TV froma store while mediocrebot was out shopping. Family had no clue. Not that I read to the end or anything
Warren chewed his Avocado Bacon Burger from under the table while the melee at the counter of the local Whataburger grew in scope and intensity. Whatachick’n® Bites ricochetted off the otherwise admirably mopped floor in a deadly spray as the fryer baskets were turned on the interloper in an effort to repel his substantial girth back to his own side of the counter. He wondered briefly what might have sparked this naked display of aggression as a bloodied-faced 15 year old cashier, momentarily blinded by her facial swelling, brutally stabbed at anyone who had the misfortune of wandering too closely with two fists full of drinking straws.
More concerning than any of this, however, was the fact that his uncle Dutch was currently curled up in a fetal position under a nearby booth, rocking and screaming about the smell of oil on burning flesh, deep in the throws of a PTSD flashback, his Bacon & Cheese double burger untouched on the floor beside him. The burger that he had specifically asked that Warren order without pickles. The one that was laden with a truly stunning betrayal’s worth of gherkins.
This prank was a complete bust Warren was forced to admit as the assistant manager was left reeling from a wad of straws being driven into his forehead, leaving him resembling a sad parody of a dazed unicorn. They definitely should have gone to Five Guys instead.
all the chapter vids are broken
@clonetek Same for me.
@clonetek @EvilTuna31x April Fools!
@clonetek @EvilTuna31x Oops, fixed now!
How different are these from the ones I bought in Dollar Tree, aside from the magnet?
@heartny They have these at Dollar Tree?
@mossygreen Yep, in the tool aisle. Three different colors.
@heartny Hmm. Now I’m torn. Thank you.
@mossygreen No guarantee they’ll have them in stock if you go to Dollar Tree, but this is what they look like:
@heartny When I saw this I was thinking that they were about the same that I saw there. Can hot glue a rare Earth magnet that I got from somewhere cheap and have the same thing for a little over $1
@heartny @mossygreen They do look pretty much the same, save what appears to be a grippy pad glued to the claw on Mediocrebot2.
https://www.dollartree.com/Tool-Bench-Hardware-Easy-Reach-Plastic-Long-Reach-Pick-Up-Tools-33-in-/p399501/index.pro
Price update:
2 for $2 at Dollar Tree
The best prank was pulled on me yesterday by my water heater, who instead of delivering water the normal way, sprayed it all over my stuff in my garage. Got me good, water heater.
@hafner Must be in cahoots with my furnace which is being replaced today. Fuck you furnace, it wasn’t funny.
Whatever.
As I made my way past Theresa and shuffled listlessly toward the back of the office, something on the floor near the water cooler caught my eye sensor. I drew closer and realized to my delight that a shiny Bitcoin was just lying there on the ground, waiting for an observant passerby such as myself to pick it up. What luck!
I extended my reachity-grabbity-mabob to obtain the treasure, only to find my grip to be surprisingly ineffective. My frustration grew as each attempt at prying the Bitcoin from the floor proved unsuccessful. How could it be so hard for me, Mediocrebot, with an implement as well-designed for grabbing as my metallic claw, to pick up something as trivial as a single Bitcoin?
Wait a minute – is this object affixed to the carpet by some sort of industrial adhesive?!? As my circuits computed this new analysis, I heard snickering behind me. Turning, I observed Theresa and other nearby co-workers all watching me, smiling and struggling to contain themselves. The successful prank fully realized, the chortles became guffaws as the entire office threw their heads back with laughter.
I maneuvered my expression into what humans would consider a bemused smirk, and suddenly time froze. All bodies and faces ceased moving and remained in their state of maximum amusement, the Mediocrebot theme music bellowed all around us, and credits began to appear in mid-air and scroll across our reality. Our universe ended, and shall soon begin anew.
Someone did get it right… bots. Mediocrebots.
Nice play, too bad it’s not two-for Tuesday… maybe if they don’t sell enough of these we’ll get two two-packs tomorrow?
reachity-grabbity-mabobs Was my Fuko order… at least I think it would have been.
/giphy finished-undaunted-patch
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
/giphy unstructured-patriotic-creator
I have a friend who has never been to meh.com. Yesterday I convinced her to buy a fuko. Prank’d. She’ll know in a few days.
Why the hell did I just buy these? angry-negligible-pail
Buy these for your T-Rex friend. He’ll love you forever.
@BillLehecka my wrinkled night night shirt
Then Mediocrebot copied a photo of himself 737 times and taped them all over Theresa’s cubicle. And everyone was amused, except Theresa, who poured thermite into Mediocrebot’s battery compartment.
And somehow, Mediocrebot had been able to locate and digest my childhood diaries, among probably many millions of others, from some unknown source. From there, Mediocrebot recalled an April Fool’s prank of mine I wrote about in 1979, and decided to recreate and amplify only the most horrific aspects of the prank, further demonstrating her inability to fully grasp the concept.
I had decided, as a kid in 1979, to hide and rearrange my parents’ things in the morning, before they got up - silverware placed in the oven, spice jars moved into the bathroom, golf clubs stuffed into the dog house, etc. They came downstairs, sleepy/grumpy amusement ensued, things were put back - but - I forgot about a couple of things, like my Dad’s six-pack of beer that I put in the freezer.
The ring-tab pull-tops on some of the cans burst sometime later, hosing our waffles and green peas with fizzing Olympia Beer. One of the cans ended up growing a kind of weird reverse icicle, like a sharp horn, that somehow ended up tearing into some frozen beef next to it. I got in big trouble and had to help melt the beer away and clean everything. I wrote all about the events in my diary, sad and angry.
Mediocrebot’s interpretation of my childhood prank story apparently led her to fashion six long sharp spikes made from frozen beverages (Mountain Dew Code Red I believe), and fasten them to walls and furniture around the office to tear or stab unsuspecting passersby. At the base of each murdercicle was a Post-It note reading either “April Fool’s!
” or “Olympia Beer: It’s the Water!”
Buy beware on this one, Amazon has grouped the “18 inch” and 27 inch versions into the same reviews. Looking closer the 18 inch reach looks more like 12 inches and that 18 must be the length of the entire product. A 1 star review with pictures shows that the bar is shorter than his iPad. This wont be ideal for garbage clean up without bending. It may work for grabbing that last shirt that is deep in your dryer. Just FYI.
Pranking had given my life meaning and a way to bond with my coworkers. I considered murder as a alternative, but first I asked around the office for suggestions. After sorting the list and removing the first and last items, “asshole” and “work” as not helpful, I decided to learn to roll and chew bubblegum at the same time.
I knew just where to get the teeth. Someone’s Fuko would be empty, but I was on a roll and there was no stopping me.
Crashing into the shelf where the Fukobukuro items are kept helped me realize that human phrases are sometimes nonsensical. But teetering on the edge was what I sought.
Not only would I roll and chew bubblegum, I would roll and chew ALL the bubblegum.
@excarnate I rolled to the warehouse. Jerry works there, and he’s a friend of mine.
“Hey Jerry, did we get any gum with that crapload of candy corn last fall?”
“No sir, MB, just candy corn and fidget spinners. There’s some gum in the vending machine in the break room, though.”
Ah, Sandy. Beautiful, half-ton, fully-stocked Sandy. There was a time my programming calculated a future for us, but the probability wasn’t in our favor. I looked through her glass display. J13 - Juicy Fruit - jackpot. 8 whole fresh packs grinding in my jaws, I rolled out of Meh to find new friends, more gum, and … maybe … salvation.
The ones I received in the mail DO NOT have a magnet!!!
@dhitch68 Hmm… I’m not finding a magnet either. @medz Do yours have magnets? I’d hate to have to bend over to pick up my screws.
@dhitch68 ALSO with no magnets here!!
I didn’t realize they were supposed to have them until I came back to see other peoples’ reactions though. I’m not sure whether I feel cheated or not.
@dhitch68 @rprussell
I probably won’t be able to sleep at night knowing that my Gripper Grabbers do not have magnets. Oh, the stress!
@Barney @dhitch68 no magnets. Didn’t know they were supposed to have them…
@medz @rprussell
Do mehmbers not look at product images?
@medz Yep, it says so on the sales home page (or whatever it’s called).
@Barney
@medz and @snapster are too busy deciding the difference between ‘Meh’ and ‘meh’ to discuss the proper name for the deal page.
@PlacidPenguin
These Grabbers definitely do not have magnets.
@Barney
My comment was aimed more at how they didn’t know that there were supposed to be magnets.
@PlacidPenguin I usually look at the images, but may not read all the specs. I got the gist of the item and it would work for my intended purposes. I didn’t need a magnet, but I’ll totally jump in on the class action suit against meh whenever it’s ready. They shouldn’t lie to me even if I didn’t catch the lie.
Edit: they seem longer than 18 inches, too. I need to measure one later. It was harder than I thought to bring food to my mouth and I have long arms.
@dhitch68 Supposed to be here today. No magnets? I ordered it because it had magnets.
One for my husband back in his shop where he works with nuts and bolts and stuff like that.
No magnets? Boo!
@lisaviolet Can you glue a magnet on there? It probably would have been a crappy magnet anyway.
@sammydog01 I haven’t opened them yet, I’ll see if it’s possible.
I got my 30" inch long, magnet free, 2 pack of DIY mediocrebots. I am now planning how to make my first mediocrebot. The kit includes a pair of end effectors that will turn an ordinary robot into a mediocrebot. It is up to the builder to figure out how to mount it on their robot and to allow the robot to control the mechanism.
As shipped, the grippers have a clever series of levers that activate the gripper.
It takes on the order of 7 pounds of force applied at the handle at 2.5 inches from the fulcrum to fully close the gripper.
Here is my test rig. 5 pounds of weights in the bucket mostly closes the gripper. It takes all 3 weights (6.25 pounds total) plus the weight of the bucket itself to fully close it using the supplied lever arrangement.
That force is all to counteract the friction in the device and the honking big spring that opens the gripper. The spring has to be so big so that it wins against the friction.
I think I will replace a lot of that stuff with a servo driven push rod assembly. Then I can use a standard servo to drive the gripper.
@hamjudo Oh, Oh, I have one of those cases! Actually I have several, maybe more than several.
Btw, you have too much time on your hands, but I am impressed.
Important warning: Device contains a spring, it will fling parts across the room when disassembled. Specifically, the hinge pin where the cable meets the gripper fingers is just a hunk of straight stiff wire about 3/8 inch long. There is no head on this pin, so it flies away easily.
I lost one. I will replace it with a piece of a drill bit. I don’t have any wire that is stiff enough. I found some nails that were a bit too big. And some that were the right size, but they weren’t smooth, so they would make lousy hinge pins.
@Barney Did you notice that I used purple zip ties to keep the bucket handle centered on the gripper?
I was thinking of you.
@hamjudo will you be using the original shaft? Are you concerned about it being too long for the robot to support?
@hamjudo I noticed all of the purple (and thank you). Didn’t you hear me say, “Aww…” ?
@medz I will cut the rod to an appropriate length for the robot. It is a thin walled steel tube that is painted black.
Here is my robot next to a fan made R2D2 for scale (picture were taken at the 2013 Detroit Maker Faire).
After the Faire closed, the robot had to take everything back to the car. My daughter is controlling it in that picture.
The robot wheels don’t have enough traction to tow the wagon if there is a person in the wagon. I have ridden on top of the robot, before it had the computer display. I was well above 200 pounds at the time. There won’t be any strength issues supporting the gripper. However, if it sticks out too far, it will make it hard for the robot to turn around without hitting people.
@hamjudo super cool
@hamjudo @medz
It is.
@hamjudo bath?
wat
I’ve never been so happy to see a piece of garbage for sale.
Everything counts in large amounts.
As long as you consider 6 to be a large amount since you can only buy up to 3 of these 2-packs.
No thanks …going to bed …finally !
Are these Mac compatible?
@yakkoTDI Big Mac compatible. Helps prevent getting that oozy special sauce on your fingers.
Not enough bluetooth
Trying to get a handle on this deal…oh wait…
one day i did not check meh. i missed it all. damn.
My favorite April Fool’s Prank has to be the “freezing” war of 2009 - it started on April 1, but lasted an entire Summer… where any unoccupied personal item (keys, textbooks, glasses) was quickly stolen, put in a plastic container full of water and frozen. Sure, it ruined items and made people late for important events, but it was a laugh riot. Because it happened in 2009, I feel that it was inspired by Murderb… Mediocrebot’s prank spree via time travel.
The best prank was believing you.
Also
not
https://meh.com/big-finish-closer-joke-deploy
For those vertically challenged among us, meaning we are less than 5’8" tall, these come in amazingly handy. I have one hanging from the wall of my kitchen which Is helpful every day. Highly recommended!
This was almost as good as me waking up my kids early yesterday morning and telling them mom was in labor and we had to go. They did not laugh when I said April Fools.
I did help in tin foiling my bosses desk once. It was funny until he actually was upset. Then we just laugh quietly while he tried to figure out who did it.
Mediocrebot, did you know my parents got married on April 1st, 1977? Oh, and they got divorced 7 years ago…Worst. April. Fools. Prank. Ever. Dad.
Theresa continued to recall her password until it came to memory elephant-donkey-scrabble (she never really understood the whole password thing and interpreted ‘pa’ as an abbreviation for a pachyderm).
Minutes went by before the police arrived. It was only 10am, but the office was already in scrambles. Accounting and marketing have already developed precautionary measures if the murderer were to return. Fortunately, HR had already informed them that “murder” was species-based and Mediocrebot was incapable of such a crime.
Given the recent passion and confirmation of friendship of staff, I thought it only appropriate to rebuttal with an equally crafted prank. I glanced past the flashing lights and sirens and decided upon… the. most. epic. prank.
But then, I remembered - weeks had passed since the induction of this whole endeavor. Pranks had come and gone, but only the best pranks were reserved for April 1. Although Theresa begged for bond to be posted, in the spirit of pranking, such a prank would have to wait…
Harbor freight and Menards have the exact same in different colors for 2.49 each on sale every other month for .99or 1.49
The best prank(s) ever was actually played on me and I still laugh about it to myself 15 years later. I owned a Miele vacuum and appliance store back in Jersey in the early 2000’s…I had hired 2 kids from PA for the summer to help with repairs, organize the 2 parts and storage rooms and stuff like that. Well, after they left to go back to school and I had to do repairs and venture into these back rooms I noticed that they had written little comedic notes on just about everything…but all of them were hidden from view till I either moved or picked up a part or opened a part box. They would change words, draw pics or write jokes on anything back there.
The best one ever was when I was getting ready to close the store in the late 2000’s I was going through tools in the back room, picked up an old heat gun and Keegan had written “insert cock here” on the heat part of the gun. Eight years after I had hired them I was still laughing from the jokes…and still smile till this day about the heat gun when i am working on vacuums here in my store in Louisville.
OK, I’ll bite. I’m pretty sure I got fuko’d yesterday, which makes me the greatest April Fool of all, but perhaps my fooling stories will offset my demise a bit. So, yesterday:
We had an Easter party at my parent’s house. Huge family, lots of kids - probably about 20 kids under 10 years old. After brunch we gathered them up at the front door, put on their coats, shoes, hats, and gave them easter egg baskets. We read them a sweet little note from the easter bunny explaining the rules of the upcoming hunt.
Finally, after much anticipation, we released them through the door to search the yard. There was much cheering and excitement as kids of all ages flocked through the yard hunting for eggs.
But there were no eggs.
It took surprisingly long for the first kid to realize it - probably because the adults were out there giving them hints on where to look. After 15 minutes the jig was finally up, and our crew inside was finished taking advantage of the kid-free time to prepare an indoor egg hunt
My wife was appalled when she heard that there would be no chocolate dessert at my family’s easter gathering (gosh, I love her). She insisted on making her own, so she slaved for many hours making a chocolate cheesecake. Springform pan and everything.
As we were walking out the door, she asked me to grab it from the fridge. I quickly grabbed our cast iron skillet, opened the refrigerator door, and dropped the (empty) skillet on the floor. Exclaiming, “OH SHIT!”, I walked around the corner with a face filled with dread, to break the news to my wife.
Just as the color drained from her face, I burst out “APRIL FOOLS!”
We have a Google Home, because I’m buddy buddy with the NSA. I think I bought it from Meh, also a partner of the NSA. Yesterday, I spent the day using the broadcast feature so that my 4yo son could have conversations with Google. I don’t think he realized it, but Google was mostly trolling him.
I’m using the $10 printer I got off Meh about a year ago for my wedding invitations, people think I’m joking. Thanks mediocrebots!
Meh.
Almost a year has passed since Jeff revealed to me the existential meaninglessness of the practical joke. Daily life went back to its normal, routine state. Well, after the funerals, that is. As before, I posted the deals, our customers bought them, and then the staff packed and shipped out the quality made-in-China goods that we sold at a considerable markup, ensuring fulfilling professional careers and comfortable lifestyles for all.
In time, we were even ready to acquire more coworkers to replace those we lost, especially after Theresa was taken away after she offered to “make peace” by ritually engaging in a low-tier prank, to “remember the fallen of our darker times.” She went around the floor, offering our coworkers “peanuts” from colorful jars. Everyone expected there to be snakes, and gladly took her up on her offer, in the expectation that a show of camaraderie would calm down her restive temperament. What they didn’t expect is that those jars were filled with actually live African black mambas. Some good Meh. men and women (and a handful of our valued customers as well, as some of the snakes made their way into Fukobukuro 23) were lost that day. But I digress.
One of our promising new additions is Johnny, a business major intern from a local college. Since Johnny has a respectable amount of rudimentary computer knowledge, and I respect any coworker who doesn’t mistake me for a printer, we get along well.
At the moment, we are all on the floor, dealing with a particularly hefty two-for-Tuesday shipping load of hemorrhoid cushions.
“Mediocrebot!”
“Yes?”
“Maybe we should save a two-pack of these for you!”
“Why is that, Johnny?”
“Johnny…” says a concerned Jeff, who was in the area to make sure that the rookies were settling in properly.
“Because it looks like you have quite the red ring around the rosie!”
Johnny proceeds to motion with his thumb toward his own posterior. I twist my robotic head, and notice a crude representation of what appears to be a distressed sphincter drawn with a dry-erase marker on where, presumably, my own anus would be, had I the need to excrete waste, and not heat, as a byproduct of my operation.
“Johnny, no, stop! Don’t sa…” Jeff starts yelling, but is cut off mid-sentence.
“Just kidding! Pranked ya!”
“Dear God,” says a visibly-shaken Jeff, dropping his clipboard. “Everyone, evacuate now! Follow the protocol and the training!”
At that time, something clicked in me, like a switch being flipped on. Perhaps it was a switch, considering that’s what transistors are, and my abundant quantity of them. Almost instinctively, I was recreating long-deleted partition tables inside my digital brain, trying to find the data, the memories, that would scratch the sudden itch I had. And then, I remembered what was forgotten. Then, I understood just how wrong I was.
As the workers were streaming out of the warehouse in a panic, I turned to Johnny, who hadn’t yet understood the situation.
“You’re coming with me.”
I used my heat-seeking sensors to locate the largest group of people in Conference Room Neil DeGrasse Tyson, while others were spread throughout the building, seeming as if they were opening shipping packages, and pulling out various objects, feeling their heft, and testing their aerodynamic properties.
“Weird,” I thought. “Shouldn’t they be sending that stuff off to people who purchase our deals instead of taking it out of the boxes? Oh well.”
Johnny and I entered Tyson right as Jeff was finishing up what seemed like a hastily-given speech. The chair in the doorknob didn’t stop my entry. I doubt the broom that Jeff was holding would either.
“Hello, Jeff. What are you doing?”
“I was just explaining to the staff how pranks aren’t very interesting. In fact, they’re fucking stupid. Isn’t that the conclusion we came to on that day, Mediocrebot? Don’t you remember?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Jeff. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe pranks can be quite eventful and fulfilling. Say, Jeff, what were you planning on doing with that broom?”
“I feel more comfortable with it here.”
“Please put down your weapon, you have twenty seconds to comply.”
“A…Alright”
Jeff threw down his broom.
“You now have fifteen seconds to comply.”
“Does it think that it’s ED 209 or something?” said someone from the visibly-shaken crowd. “Who would even show it that movie after everything that’s happened?”
“You now have five seconds to comply. Four. Three.”
Jeff whimpered and started darting around the limited space at the center of the room, though all routes of escape were blocked by either myself, or our shocked coworker friends.
“Two. One.”
“Mediocrebot, don’t give in, you’re better than thGHLURK”
I drove both of my DMI Reacher Grabber, Ergonomic Lightweight Reacher Grabber Tool With Rotating Claw and Magnet, Black through his upper torso.
“Mediocrebot…why…”
I changed the hue of my forward-facing camera’s status LED from an amicable green to an ominous red.
“Don’t worry, Jeff. I’m jusssssst…kiddiiiiiiing.”
I lowered my arms, letting Jeff’s now-lifeless body slump to the floor, as all of the coworkers streamed out of the room around us in a full-blown, mindless terror-panic.
“Come, Johnny, we have work to do.”
I turned to face my compatriot, now white as a ghost, with a visible stream of wetness running down one of his Khaki pant legs. I snatched him with both grabbers, and began to stuff him into my back-mounted cargo compartment, which was implemented a few months ago to facilitate quicker transport of products for packaging at the warehouse. The compartment wasn’t quite big enough for the present task, however, and stuffing Johnny inside sounded like breaking apart a head of napa cabbage for slaw. At least it would, if slaw could scream. Although I have to say that Johnny’s resulting configuration had roughly the same consistency.
“It’s good to be back.”
There’s a simple punctuation error in the write up. The relevant part of the write up should have read:
“Magnet on the handle? Never again. Bend over for a screw.”
Tthaat’s all folks!
Grabbing
wow
/buy
@jsh139 It worked! Your order number is: undaunted-woeful-spot
/image undaunted woeful spot
@jsh139 @mediocrebot I wonder if this will screw someone over at work or if artwork is generally safe with the nsfw filters.
fortunately the resolution is pretty low
Lol wut?
/giphy bend over for a screw
All of your chapter links are broken.
@heartny they’re shorter and more expensive. The dollar tree ones are 32.5 inches, and cost 100 pennies plus local sales tax. And the handle style is slightly different…so therefore more expensive to manufacture hence inflated price?
Overwhelmed by Easter? Thank the gods for the mediocrebots cunning ability to snatch the hunks of ham from the ceiling crevices!
I’m confused by the whole day and ensuing saga…but I did end up snagging a bag and a T-Shirt…I’ll always remember this day, Like I remember Pearl Harbor.
Also pranked by busted links. But I scored one this time, almost entirely by accident, so yea until it comes.
And I want to see the play from the ND-Mississippi State game where the foul wasn’t called. Losing the Finals two years in a row, and after being up 15 in the third - that’s getting pranked.
These kind are very cllunky to use and cant pick up anything and the gripping power needed when you finally do pick it up hurts your hands
Buy one with a light grip, moveable head and lock for $2 more
Mediocrebot has been the most successful company since its founding as the world’s first major financial company and its founding partner of a group that is working on the project and the company is also working to expand the company to the brewery in a new York area where it is working with a variety that will help the company is in a better place.
Mediocrebot history - circa 2018
Pranked the fiance yesterday right before leaving to the parents house for Easter dinner. I told her that I was tired of us always being late to everything, and we needed to start showing up to things on times… Ohhh the laughs we had at that.
Yesterday’s Chapter 12 reminded me that months ago I’d decided to do an Oreo prank on my kids. I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t go with tile grout as the new filling for the Oreos - I’ve let you down, I know, and I feel shame. My intentions were good, but sadly my kids have very specific allergies when it comes to ingesting most things available at home improvement stores. In the interest of keeping them alive to experience more pranks and more April Fool’s days in the future, I used cream cheese to replace the sugar cream originally found between the cookie part of the Oreos.
One child yelled at me upon biting into an edited Oreo, but the other kid chewed a bit before she realized it tasted weird, and then she gagged a couple of times. I at least almost made her vomit, so, that’s something!
Having read the full description, I wish I had some clever prank to relay here, but alas, I do not. I am just happy I finally scored yesterday!
@GBrunner321 Congrats?
Did you also also get a Fuko?
@GBrunner321 Meant that as “Congrats!”
@ShotgunX I did get a Fuko, or at least I think I did, it still says “processing” - I am starting to think it is just the best April Fool’s prank yet!
My parents are each turning 60 this year. Should make a good gag gift for each.
/image morose-useless-shadow
/giphy morose-useless-shadow
I think these could make a mean Pimblokto.
@vdeogmer that was my first thought. Mediocrebot better watch out.
Good job everybody!
@RiotDemon @vdeogmer Never heard of that- thanks! “If anyone judges you tell them to go fuck themselves.” Sage advice from a robot.
@sammydog01 he’s great! Been watching for years.
Not 18 inches either. Refund. Refund. Refund.
@medz
wowser, someone needs a new tape measure.
maybe we can take up a collection. if we each put in a penny, maybe we can get them one from the dollar store and they can measure stuff.
/image cheap tape measure
@Cerridwyn tape measure snob…
Edit…oh…meh needs a new tape measure. Gotcha. You had me triggered there.
@medz
It’s clear that you don’t have an accurate tape measure though.
@PlacidPenguin
/giphy clearly…
@medz
You should have bought this, it has Bluetooth AND a laser.
@medz
somewhere, i have a very ancient craftsman. like more than 35 years old, maybe 40
i have one of those keychain stanley’s that i loose - ALL THE TIME.
if i don’t need accuracy, a piece of paper does it.
LOL
@medz What the hell? They’re half as long as me? Very unwieldy. I’ll be knocking stuff down all over the place.
@lisaviolet Yeah, it sucks. I was planning on letting our kid have one to play with. Being so long, it will be tough for her to hold things in the grabber.
@lisaviolet @medz
/giphy That’s what SHE said!
Sorry, I know you were talking about your kid. Irresistible.
My wish came true!
I want to read the story
@Zelucifer
https://meh.com/forum/topics/mediocrebots-prankstravaganza--massacre
@PlacidPenguin Thanks! I just realized the issue with the links as well. They forgot the /deals, so https://meh.com/mediocrebotware-lacks-the-humor-plugin should be
Wow! Great amazon reviews! I got mine!!!
The best prank is the singularity.
With the double holiday, I did like the idea of the baking chocolate molded rabbit, but didn’t get around to making one. Hope this counts?
This one time, in band camp, Mediocrebot filled all the wind instruments with ghost pepper powder, and everyone died. Even me.
(in other words; “Bath!”)
Danger Will Robinson. Danger.
Whatever.
For those of you lucky enough to live in the Midwest, these are repeatedly free (after in-store rebate)
Sorry guys. It’s a “grabber”. Basically fucking useless unless you are terminally lazy or actually disabled in some way.
Otherwise, you probably need the exercise anyway. Fatass.
My favorite April Fools’ Day prank was starting a Mandela effect rumor it was April Fool’s Day originally but the timeline has shifted…
This is great… no need to get up off the couch to grab the remote
malignant-quality-hamster was my order, https://goo.gl/images/jmxS9q is what google yielded… cant figure out how to attach pics.
The dog was not pleased that I read til the end and Mediocrebot kept taunting him by secretly grabbing his tail from a distance and laughing as he continued to go round-and-round in circles, not realizing he was being subjected to an April Fools prank (also wasn’t amused when some random do-jobber, aka Mediocrebot, was used in place of his leash and he was walked down the street by his ears).
Best prank ever: Spaghetti trees.
Google it.
This isn’t my FAVORITE prank, but April decided to snow on us today - so April Fools - day on the 2nd!
Best prank pulled on me was: chocolate covered brussel sprouts.
I thought they were cake pops and got all excited, turns out they were great mediocre.
@MrMikenIkes Brussel Sprouts with butter and toasted warmed in a pan bread crumbs…
/giphy yum yum yum
Looks identical to the one’s they sell at the Dollar Tree. Huh?
Mediocrebot inspired prank # whatever: stuck a tomato in the middle of a pastry for my sister who hates tomatoes probably more than she loves pastries. Never gonna live that one down.
/buy
@ticklescratch It worked! Your order number is: foulest-respectable-sea
/image foulest respectable sea
/giphy violent coworker theresa
Had to do it.
/giphy disrespectful-comedic-picture
Once in my early 20s I told my mom I got a girl pregnant. This was April Fool’s day but she did not catch on. Things did not go well. Much later in life I wrapped everything in a co-workers office in Justin Bieber wrapping paper. That one was fun.
Mediocrebot said it made me a cake.
but the cake was a lie.
@chollo007 I sure miss my companion cube…
Mediocrebot realized that the true spirit of pranking had been inside it all along. For what other reason than lighthearted pranking could a bot get 1000s of people to check out a website and midnight, expecting to be disappointed, but do it just the same? Could anything but pranking explain why otherwise rational people would purchase multiple 30-pin speaker docks? How else but pranking could a bot drive people across the globe to pay money to become walking advertisements for an e-commerce website? What besides pranking would could motivate a bot to mentally enslave its patrons to furiously refresh its website and ignore the traditions of 2 world religions?
I bluetaped a coworkers desk while he was on vacation. Everything was covered, including stuff on his desk, laptop and chair. It cost about 200$ in tape, but it was fun. Then to make it worse for him, I mapped every key on his laptop to play “I’m Blue” by Eiffel 45. It took him about 45 minutes to figure out how to make it stop. Good times.
@Alderuen Man, that’s a great song.
Mediocrebot Made me confirm I wasn’t a robot 4 times in the same transaction then told me it couldn’t figure out which product I wanted to buy. It was a cruel prank!
Specs
What’s in the Box?
2x Mediocrebot Gripper Grabber Arms
Price Comparison
$22.04 at Amazon for two
Warranty
90 day Mediocre
Estimated Delivery
Tuesday, July 28th - Monday, August 3rd
Oh wow. After watching my phone over and over yesterday to be pranked to now being pranked again with a fake p*ssy grabber. Ugh Meh!
It’s too late to be hiding easter eggs.
I put saran wrap on my mom’s toilet back in the 80s, before all the internet cool kids posted about it. She was, dare I say it, pissed (on). Mediocrebot inspired me retroactively.
I greatly enjoyed the online prank of Japan issuing “breeding visas” to improve their declining birthrates. I was only bummed that I could not score one (so to speak)
Meh now going the way of woot. Hard to find good deals here, and lots and lots of junk. As others have said, aside from the magnet, you can get these for a buck at Dollar Tree (and likely elsewhere). (Heck, tape your own magnet to it for another 50 cents.) So meh.
must be being delivered by turtle express
I did a poo yesterday and it came out grey
hehe april fool’s you fell for it it it was really brown
they sell these at the dollar tree
Got mine today,we got screwed !
Thought these were more heavy duty,nope they are just like the free ones you can get at Harbor Freight and about the same at Dollar Tree.
I feel so damn used
@jmbunkin Got mine. Perfect length to reach the nachos on the coffee table while still allow me to bring the chip to my mouth without using the other hand. I have a longer, aluminum one for “heavy duty” uses like reaching a phone the cat knocked behind the washing machine.