Saturday Slob Kit
- You get one random Meh shirt that is ready to be stained with hot cheese.
- You get one Fondoodler. What is a Fondoodler? It is a cheese glue-gun. And no, we will not expand on that.
- You get one pair of Glenn Socks.
- No pants included, because no pants required.
- Yesterday was National Lazy Day, and we celebrated in the laziest way we could think of: by putting off celebrating for a day.
- Model: WH3R3-D1D-M3H-W33K3ND-G0
Lazed And Confused
Saturday morning: when people go to brunch. Sorry, excuse me: when other people go to brunch. But not you. You know that it’s overpriced and underwhelming, $50 for eggs, toast, and something boozy that’ll basically render the remainder of your day into a soggy tired haze.
In other words: brunch is for amateurs, for those who need to get up and get dressed just to get tired again. But you were born ready for this. You have ascended. You don’t need some gourmet French toast and a mimosa to turn your day to mush. You have ascended. You are one with the mush.
And so this bundle is for you. It’s all the things you need for a Saturday so chill that when your coworkers ask you what you’re doing, you can say, “Nothing,” and feel a wave of something like euphoria wash over you, a sensation you have come to know as the truth in concentrate.
Because, buddy, you’re not doing anything except waking up. If you can even call the state you’ll be in awake.
“But, Meh,” you ask, “does not my transcendence to this higher plane of relaxation, this sphere of elevated laziness not known to mere mortals, void any requirements for clothing?”
To which we reply, “This is not clothing. This is protective gear. The Glenn socks will guard your feet from the nasty surface of your floor, because let’s face it, you haven’t cleaned in months. And the random Meh shirt is but a chest-plate, guarding you from the piping hot cheese you fire from the Fondoodler directly into your mouth as you watch an Iron Chef marathon through a haze of disregard.”
And speaking of clothing, you will notice that among the bundle items, there is not a pair of pants to be seen. Because, friend, where you going, you don’t need pants!
