Burned by The Man

Still here, huh, world? Good for you. You really screwed up our original plan to use the Panasonic SolarSmart portable battery to rule over your shattered remains. It didn’t happen. Instead of riding mutant battle tigers across our primitive empire, we’re still driving our 2006 Kia Spectra to the office park. Thanks a lot for continuing to exist, civilization.

So, in lieu of the end of the world, we decided to try the next best thing: Burning Man. Surely those hippies’ minds would be blown by our mastery of the power of Sol. They shall bow before us, their new gods! They shall make offerings of Snickers and Humboldt skunk! They shall turn off their shitty rave music when we want to get some sleep! We piled our Spectra full of Panasonic SolarSmarts and rode off to rendezvous with destiny in the Black Rock Desert. (We also threw 4800 Colgate Wisps in a duffel bag. Maybe we could corner the BM market on oral hygiene, too.)

The first sign of trouble came when the first Burners we encountered were a crew shooting a fast-food commercial.

It didn’t get better. We could hardly hear the shitty techno over the din of private jets unloading all the Elon Musks and Jeff Bezoses, along with their teams of private chefs and supermodel escorts. Worst of all, their air-conditioned yurts were powered by generators. They would have laughed in our SolarSmarts’ faces, if we’d been able to get past their bodyguards- sorry, “Sherpas”.

But OK, maybe we could have found a market among the more committed tribal revelers who could have used a phone charger and flashlight. But of course, at Burning Man, you’re not allowed to sell stuff. That would be too commercial. (sad trombone)

So we’re back here again. With a Spectra-load of Panasonic SolarSmart Chargers. Unfortunately, you guys aren’t forced to buy them by the collapse of society and its attendant energy infrastructure. But you still might find them useful as solar-or-USB rechargeable phone and battery chargers. And here, at least we’re allowed to take your money. Just don’t expect them to air-condition your yurt.