Fukobukuro 14: Lover's Remorse

  • This unlucky bag of mystery is a terrible thing to buy
  • You will waste your money if you buy this
  • Don’t be stupid, turn back right now
  • Model: what are you, nuts? (numbers are too good for this garbage)
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Choo-choo-choose to forget.

Yeah, yeah, if you’re reading this you’ve already bought this Fukobukuro bag of misfortune, or you’ve already missed your chance to buy it. So let’s talk about Valentine’s Day.

Let’s talk about how you blew another Valentine’s Day. You gave your beloved an Avengers Valentine even though you know full well they’ve always preferred DC to Marvel. When things got intimate, you accidentally called out your partner’s brother’s or sister’s name. You forgot to check whether that chocolate had nuts in it, so instead of whispering sweet nothings in the boudoir, you spent the evening saying “it really doesn’t look that swollen” in the emergency room.

Or you made any of a hundred other dumb moves sure to despoil the mood. You’ve got this thing down cold. As cold as your side of the bed has been for the last 24 hours.

Time to say “do(-over) me, baby,” the best way you know how: with a scrap of cardstock pre-printed with someone else’s thoughts and feelings. This PDF to the rescue! It’s a one-sheet of four different Valentine’s regrets, suitable for printing at home and cutting up with scissors. Don’t blame us if you can’t even handle that task without hurting yourself. Here’s what the front of one of them looks like:

And here’s the back:

They’re created by our videographer and pixel-pusher @Matthew, so if the apology session takes a turn for the amorous, you know who to thank (and send pics to). If you had the self-inflicted misfortune of buying one of the Fuko bags, a printed set of these might be among the stupid shit you find inside.

We offer no guarantee that these visually sumptuous works of art will smother the dung fire you’ve made of the feast of St. Valentine - not after you devoured that giant enchilada platter with no regard for the effect the inevitable gastrointestinal phenomena would have on your romantic pursuits. But it’s impossible that they could make the situation any worse.

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