The Charge Is Coming From Inside The Clutch

The copywriter’s wife returned home and found him, disheveled and wild-eyed, arranging a number of things on the kitchen table.

“Honey,” she said, taking in the scene, “are you okay?”

“More than okay!” the copywriter replied. “I’m great! Just charging some things!”

On the table, a small fan with its plug submerged in a cup of tea sat facing a potted fern. Among the leaves, he’d arranged his cell phone and a tablet.

“Charging some things,” the copywriter’s wife repeated.

“Yes!” the copywriter said, a little too loudly. He pointed to the tea cup. “You see, this is charging tea! It’s going to charge the fan, which will then cast a charging breeze upon the fern, which will, in turn, charge the devices within!”

The copywriter’s wife set her bag down slowly, worried sudden movements might spook him. She spoke as gently as she could manage. “Honey, there’s no such thing as charging tea.”

“Ah,” said the copywriter. “I too was once so naive as to think charging occurred only when cord met outlet. Then, on the site, we began selling power banks–things you could use to charge your phone when no outlets were available. These devices surprised me at first, but ultimately I made my peace with their existence. After that, though, we began selling charging pads–little futuristic coaster-looking objects, where all you needed to do for the charge was simply lay a device on it. This seemed peculiar, but I shrugged it off. Surely there was some way to explain it, some technology I didn’t understand. But today’s sale has changed everything, and I must face the truth: that the charge is all around us; it’s just a matter of harnessing it!”

“I’m a little lost,” said the copywriter’s wife.

“We’re selling clutches, honey!” the copywriter whispered. “Clutches that can charge a phone!”

He took the tablet from the fern, loaded the page, and handed it to his wife.

“It’s a stylish clutch…” she said.

“Yes! You see it!” cried the copywriter.

“…with a power bank inside of it.”

“Wait, what?” The copywriter took back the tablet. “Oh… huh… I guess I missed that… little detail.” He looked up, his eyes filling with tears. “So, there’s not a secret charge in everything?”

“No,” said his wife. “There’s not.” She put her hand on his shoulder to calm him down. Just then, the oven timer dinged. “What’s that?”

The copywriter looked at his feet. “Nothing.”

“Were you charging something in the oven?”

“No,” the copywriter said. “Maybe. Okay, yeah.”

His wife scanned the room, taking a mental index of their various chargeable devices. “Was it my laptop?”

“No way!” the copywriter blurted out. He tried to force a laugh, but ended up coughing as the room grew smokey around them. “But that’s crazy you bring up laptops! Because I was thinking, you know what would a fun thing to do tonight? Go laptop shopping! For you! What do you say?”