2-for-Tuesday: Life Gear Auto Emergency Tool LED Flashlights

  • Glow stick mode makes them like little unauthorized lightsabers that are built way better (and cost way less) than any other knockoff lightsaber
  • They can also shine a flashlight out the other side of the handle, or do both at once, or flash intermittently
  • Window-breaking spike and seat-belt cutter for when you’re trapped in a car in a deadly situation, like being at a drive-in showing the George Lucas prequels
  • We’re raising the quantity limit to 12 2-packs for epic post-show parking-lot battles
  • Model: LG403 (we like the simplicity but all the Google results are for a laser gun sight, or something)
see more product specs

Emergency Lightsaber!

Ooh! We really, really want to talk about Star Wars: The Force Awakens! But yeah, we know, spoilers. Some people still haven’t been able to get tickets yet, or see it because of their stupid jobs or kids or whatever, so we won’t talk about it in this space. We’ll have to settle for a Twitter hack. For now. Here, not another word.

OK, except this: it’s good.

As the closing credits rolled on the first screenings, you could feel the Internet exhale a huge sigh of relief. Because not even a great trailer can promise a good movie. No dubious ethnic caricatures with grating voices! No interminable floor debates over the intergalactic equivalent of offshore fishing rights! No million-dollar CGI effects that look about as convincing as our Introduction to Flash class project from 18 years ago! It’s a bonafide Star Wars movie!

(Uh, spoilers? Maybe?)

Anyway, we’ll shut up about it now. Except for this one last thing: remember all the life-threatening scenarios this Lifegear emergency light/tool is built for? The ones we said would probably never happen to you, like being trapped in a car or lost in the wilderness?

Well, here’s one situation that’s not life-threatening but that will definitely happen to you if you see SW:TFA with your kids. They’ll want to have lightsaber fights, probably even in the car on the way home. And they don’t have to be little kids. Or yours, even. If you go with your teenage nephew, your Girl Scout troop, your stepsisters from your dad’s much later remarriage, whatever, count on it: they’ll want to swing some saber. And make wwwount yeount wunnk noises with their mouths. Kids, huh?

Oh, who are we kidding? You’re gonna want to fight with lightsabers. You and your biologically adult friends. Right there in the cineplex parking lot.So be prepared by stocking your car with a pair of these, or more. Sure, they aren’t as big as lightsabers. But they light up and you can fight with them. In an emergency, what more can you ask for?

So far today...

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