2-for-Tuesday: Contigo Addison 32oz Water Bottles

  • Slaking your ravenous thirst 32 ounces at a time
  • Made of genuine Tritan, so don’t settle for imitations with less bad-ass names
  • BPA-free, top rack dishwasher safe, non-explosive
  • Wide opening can handle all the ice cubes you want to throw at it (but we’d recommend just dropping them in from up close)
  • Model: ADB100B04 (AD is probably Addison, and we’ll give you B for bottle - but what’s all that other junk?)
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God Is Not On Acid

We’ve told you before about the Contigo Addison’s 32-ounce, BPA-free, easy-drinking utility for big gulps on the go. What’s left to say? What other mysteries does this Tritan water bottle hold? Let’s dig into the clues that the cosmos has left for us right there in its name. By rearranging all the letters in *Contigo Addison, the secrets of the anagram lie revealed:

Odd Ion Coatings: Hmm, sounds ominous. Any scientific-type people want to run an ion check on these things and report back?

Addiction Goons: The monsters that haunt you when you’re filling your Contigo Addison with the day’s fifth massive dose of Kirkland Diet Peach Iced Tea.

To Disdain Congo: This bottle is certainly correct to disdain the 1995 movie adaptation of Michael Crichton’s novel, which featured the least convincing talking apes in cinema history, and made a generation of women ashamed of the name “Amy”. And once you know Tim Curry’s character is stupidly named “Horkimer Homulka”, you will find yourself remembering it at odd moments FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Into Gonad Disco: Man, water bottles always know about all the cool music first.

Sand Goo Diction: Ouch, Contigo Addision. We know, our pronunciation is a little slouchy sometimes. We’re working on it, OK?

Oat Condo Siding: Renewable AND nutritious! Million-dollar idea!

Giant Dodo Icons: The discovery that will change everything we know about the ancient world! Somebody should write a dumb novel about it that Hollywood can make into an even dumber movie. Tim Curry is available. We assume.

What mysteries reveal themselves to you in Contigo Addison anagrams? Or, what self-insights will you discover when you anagramify your own name? Blow our BPA-free plastic minds in the forum!

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