10-Pack: Alcograd Single-Use Breathalyzer

  • These single-use breathalyzers don’t require constant calibration like regular ones
  • Also, you can toss them in your car, your bag, your lunchbox, or wherever else you want to have them handy
  • And they’re kind of fun to have everyone do at the same time at a party (it’s a “game” called “don’t be an idiot and drive home”)
  • Did we mention that they use color-changing crystals to show how drunk you are? It’s like an RPG Potion of Safety
  • Model: None (But they do have a string of unique characters that can be used to search for the product, it’s: “Alcograd Single-Use Breathalyzer”)
see more product specs

The Police: Were They Ever Punk?

Hey, Meh contributor @JasonToon here. This 10-pack of Alcograd Single-Use Breathalyzers we’re selling today deals with a question asked by the police: are you too drunk to drive? This weekend playlist deals with a question about the Police: were they ever a punk band?

The music press certainly lumped them in with punk during the disorienting early days of 1977 and 1978. The short bleached-blonde hair, the band name, the singer’s corny pseudonym, the reggae or “reggae”: they were at least more punk than Fleetwood Mac, right? In part, it was the same confusion that saw the likes of Elvis Costello and Talking Heads also tagged as punks. But at least those bands came out of recognizably punk scenes. In retrospect, it seems clear that the Police were old-school musos whose trendy new wave trappings disguised unfashionable jazz-fusion and prog-rock hearts. (All those “atmospheric” five-minute instrumentals, Sting’s namedropping of Jung and Nabokov and Paul Bowles, etc…)

These 12 songs from the band’s first couple of years, 1977-1979, (also compiled in a YouTube playlist), show how they pulled off the heist in the first place. Fake punk band or not, they were pretty fun to listen to.

"Fall Out"
"Nothing Achieving"
The A and B side of their debut 1977 single were primarily written by drummer Stewart Copeland, the youngest member of the band and the one who pushed the Police the most in a new-wave direction. They were also recorded with original guitarist Henry Padovani, but he got too nervous in the studio to play anything but the solo, so Copeland had to play the other guitar parts, too. Padovani was replaced by '60s vet Andy Summers by the time they recorded their debut full-length a few months later. Anyway, you can’t really call either of these songs timeless melodies, but they’re springy and agile enough to stand out from run-of-the-mill meatgrinder '77 punk (which I also love but that’s a story for another day).

"Dead End Job"
Another early recording that wound up as the B-side to “Can’t Stand Losing You”. At this point, basically all of the Police’s songs were about how much they hated working stupid jobs, which wouldn’t be a problem much longer.

"Next to You"
I fell in love with the Police in 1983, the summer of Synchronicity and “Every Breath You Take”. By the time I got around to hearing their first album, Outlandos d’Amour, a few years later, the opening cut was like a punch in the face. Not long after, I would discover the Clash, Ramones, and Sex Pistols, who would make the Police’s rock-outs seem pretty tame - but maybe I wouldn’t have been ready for those bands if I hadn’t heard this first.

"Peanuts"
Super catchy song… but just a minute ago the Police were moaning about not being famous. Now here they are, still on their first album, moaning about being famous. That jazzy sax breakdown is an ominous sign of the wages of success, too.

"Truth Hits Everybody"
“Take a look at my new toy / it’ll blow your head in two, oh boy.” A lyric any punk band would be proud of.

"Born in the '50s"
Sting’s first attempt at exploring Cold War neurosis is on firm ground with lines like “would they drop the bomb on us while we made love on the beach?”, but his soapbox collapses under the weight of would-be rallying cries like “you don’t understand us, so don’t reprimand us / we’re taking the future, we don’t need no teachers”. Come on, dude. You WERE a teacher.

"Don’t Care" (Klark Kent)
Away from the drum throne, the ultra-sarcastic Stewart Copeland filled his free time recording all the instruments on an album of parody punk under the pseudonym Klark Kent. When this intentionally dopey boast became a hit, Copeland recruited his bandmates to wear masks and mime along as his “backing band” on Top of the Pops.

"Landlord"
The Police’s first truly massive global hit, “Message in a Bottle”, had the Police’s most direct (and fastest) political screed on the flip side. It would have been better served on the album, Reggatta de Blanc, which frankly could have used the energy.

"It’s Alright for You"
By the second album, the prog/jazz tendencies were creeping into even the most uptempo numbers, and the “complaints of the rich and famous” lyrics were getting more pronounced. But Summers’ noodly guitar bits were still mostly serving the songs, adding a distinct flavor to otherwise straightforward songwriting, and Sting’s lyrical jabs at his fellow showbiz people were at least short and sharp.

"On Any Other Day"
“You want something corny? You got it.” Copeland takes the mic for another punk parody of suburban malaise, a mess of burnt scrambled eggs, spilled tea, and fine young sons who turn out gay.

"No Time This Time"
The Police were short of material for Reggatta, so they resurrected the b-side from the first-album single “So Lonely” to fill out the running order. It’s a fitting bridge from their “punk” period to their commercial peak, when love 'em or hate 'em, the Police were their own instantly recognizable thing.

You may have noticed some… ambivalence about the Police here. The fact is, while they were one of my very first favorite bands when I was a kid, as an adult I personally find a LOT of their material pompous, cheesy, boring, or even obnoxious. In a word, they seem like wankers. But I can also admit that when you cut out the dross and stack up their songs that are both interesting and listenable, the Police put together as strong a body of work as most of their peers, “fake punk” or not. And their 2007-2008 reunion tour made 350 million dollars, so who cares what I think? See you next week!

The hits don’t keep on coming with our off-the-charts weekend playlists:

So far today...

  • 54842 of you visited.
  • 48% on a phone, 8% on a tablet.
  • 4658 clicked meh
  • on this deal.

And you bought...

  • 375 of these.
  • Deal ended .
  • That’s $6047 total.
  • (including shipping)

Who's buying this crap?

How many are you buying?