$60 - $70 at Amazon
Matthew | Highstreet

Ray-Ban Eyeglasses

  • You get a pair of glasses WITHOUT PRESCRIPTION LENSES, duh.
  • We have several different colors or styles, everything from “normal nerd” to “designer who would say, ‘Hmm, you know what might spice things up a bit?’”
  • They all have plastic frames; some have wire temples.
  • Model Numbers: RX5248, RX7021. Because wearing glasses R(o)X! Or, nope, wait… that’s RX like prescription. Never mind.
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A Few Caveats

The Question:

Do I need glasses?

The Basic Answer:

If you’re reading this, you don’t need glasses.

The Caveats:

If you’re leaning really close to the screen to read this, you might need glasses.

If you’re wearing glasses to read this, you technically do need glasses, but you might not need these glasses we’re selling here today, because, again, you’re already wearing glasses.

If you’re wearing glasses that are old and falling apart in order to read this, you might need glasses.

If you’re wearing glasses that are new, but you ordered them online, and you measured your pupillary distance in the mirror by yourself, got it wrong, and now feel a little dizzy whenever you put your glasses on (I mean, just hypothetically speaking here), then you might need glasses.

If you can read this by closing your eyes and visualizing the computer screen, you… might still need glasses? That’s pretty cool, though!

If you can read this from another room, after blasting a hole in the wall with your laser vision, you probably do not need glasses, but you do need to run, because it’s likely that Dr. Quasi and his goons are already en route to this quote-un-quote safe house to take you and brainwash you and turn you into a weapon in their war against all that is good. And sure, you could dispatch with them pretty easily, but that would draw a lot of attention, and you want to prove to your foster mother, the only person whose ever really believed in you, that don’t always have “make a scene.”

The Obvious Thing That We Need To Say:

Nobody actually needs glasses. They need prescription lenses. And these obviously don’t have prescription lenses in them. You’ll have to get those put in yourself.

And you bought...

  • 87 of these.
  • There’s still some left.
  • That’s $2762 total.
  • (including shipping)

Who's buying this crap?

Which items are you buying?