$70 at Amazon
Kit | Whitening Pen

AuraGlow Teeth Whitening Kit & Whitening Pen

  • The company name combines 2 synonyms so you know it’s twice as good as other products.
  • You get some whitening gel, a mouth tray, and an LED light speeds up the whitening process.
  • All it takes is just 30 minutes a day. That’s the length of one sitcom.
  • With commercials.
  • C’mon AuraGlow! Get with the times! We all stream now! Make a product that gets it done in 22-24 minutes!
  • Model: Not sure if this is the exact product models use, but it’s possible.
see more product specs

Look Good, Feel Good

For a while, despite changing dentists regularly, it seemed like every dental appointment would be the same. I’d arrive. I’d check in with a very pleasant receptionist. I’d be led to a back room where my teeth would be cleaned by a very pleasant dental hygienist. He or she would speak to me Kindly, ask me if I was okay, and give me breaks as needed.

Then the actual dentist would in and all the fun would be over. They’d be disinterested. They’d glance at my charts, mumble some comments, and the visit would end. If I was lucky, there’d be nothing until the next cleaning. If I required a procedure, like a filling, then I’d be subjected at some point in the following months to forty-five minutes of impatience and pain, as the dentist frustratedly worked on my mouth as if it were a spreadsheet they couldn’t format correctly.

But that’s all changed now. My new dentist is the first one in a while who understands basic human nature. Like, for example, how it’s hard to keep your mouth open for twenty minutes without swallowing. Or that it’s difficult to stay still when getting stabbed with a two-inch needle that leaves your face feeling tingly and stupid. And having a good dentist isn’t just nice. It’s having a huge impact on my dental health. Because if he and his office care, and I care that they care, then I take better care of my teeth. Maybe that says something bad about me, but that doesn’t matter. Point is, my teeth are pretty healthy right now.

Unfortunately, healthy doesn’t always mean pretty. You can’t make up for an unflattering haircut with a great resting heart rate. And if you skip shaving for a few days and your beard comes in all patchy and nasty, nobody’s going to say, “Yeah, but what’s his blood pressure?” Likewise, while it’s most important that my teeth are strong, the lack of plaque and decay doesn’t change the fact that I guzzle coffee at a rate that leaves them looking, on a bad day, almost sepia tone.

Does that bother me? Not a ton, really. Or, at least, not enough to pay someone to whiten them. But sometimes I just wish I could have the kind of bright clean-looking teeth that I’m not afraid to show off. Which is why I should perhaps invest in this AuraGlow Deluxe Home Teeth Whitening Kit: not for my health, but for my vanity.

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