The Pockets Lie

At this point, there’s not much left to say.

You know the big benefits of wearing a mask. Hell, you even know a lot of the lesser, unintended benefits, like, for example, how they can keep you a bit warmer in the winter by shielding your face from cold gusts and holding your hot breaths close.

So, what’s our angle this time?

Are we going to talk about how it sorta feels cool to mask up before going into the grocery store, like you’re a spy or a bank robber in a movie? Are we going to talk about how their chin-and-cheek coverage is a real boon for those of us who hate shaving but whose facial hair grows in patchy and unattractive? Are we going to focus on how masks allow for thoughtless condiment consumption, as ketchup or mustard stains at the corners of your mouth are erased as soon as you put one on?

No.

Okay, actually, yes. Because we just did talk about them. But those are not the main selling points here.

We’ve talked a lot about why it’s smart to have some backup masks. We’ve discussed the frustratingly high probability that the contactless pickup you signed up for might still end up with you having to go into the store. We’ve talked about how the only way to fight forgetfulness is to embrace it by having extras of everything you need.

But here’s a new one: what about when you think you didn’t forget your good reusable mask? You know what we’re talking about. It’s the same physics as when you tap your pocket, hear a crinkle, and assume you have a poop bag, only later to reach in and pull out a receipt just as your dog is dropping a deuce in full view of your neighbor’s big barbecue bash.

And it’s especially bad this time of year, i.e. hat and gloves season. You get to the grocery store, park your car, pull up your grocery list on your phone, remove the soft bulge in your coat pocket that you assumed was a mask… and find yourself staring down at a mitten or a headband.

In that case, you’ll be pretty happy to have a box of these babies, as high-quality backups in the center console.

Is this the most compelling reason to buy some masks? Of course not, but we warned you up front: we’re running out of stuff to say here.